Wounded One - after I discovered the affairs, one of the things my wife said is that we'll never have sex again. It still seems to be that far off.<P>Some of the posts are helpful, pointing out that attempts at sexual relations could only provoke anger or guilt in the WS. It helps to know this is not uncommon.<P>K's post above is right to the point, where the italics are placed. My plan A has to focus on incremental, credible, non-threatening, and sustainable efforts to meet my wife's ENs, where she will permit it. The other ENs must come later in recovery, but we have not started that yet. <P>I've been frustrated and discouraged about my lack of visible progress in plan A. I've done well at eliminating love-busters. I've also tried to meet some of her ENs but with little acknowledgement or feedback, so it's hard to tell how I'm doing there. She has wide mood swings that don't seem related to anything I'm doing or saying. I'd really like to do more in plan A, but it's more important to stay consistent over a period of time.<P>You mentioned having sex twice after discovery, and nothing since then. I think at least one of the posters in your GQ-II thread experienced something similar. If your H "gave in" again it might not last. It didn't last the first time. Then you would have to deal with the stops and starts all over again; it could make you feel worse. Better that when it happens, the change is permanent. That means no more contact with OW, committed to working on other issues in the marriage, etc. <P>But yes, it's really tough to live with this and stick to plan A. It has been 6 months for me and 4 months for you. It's been years for some people on this board. I guess it just takes reinforcement and encouragement from time to time.<P>- Tom
