I am so confused my wife told me about her afair on June 11,2001. We have been married 5yrs on 5/25/01. It had been going on since Easter. Since her afair she had not slept with me and had been very distance. Two weeks before she told me she went to stay with her sister to get space and room and try to figure things out. This is when I started suspecting another man. She then came home for a week and we had a cruise planed for the 1st week of July. I asked her not to go if our marriage was finished and she did not love me anymore. She decided to go but at every port she called him. We talked and had some good times on the cruise but we did not have sexual contact. I think this is how she is justify this in her mind that she is not having sex with both of us. Any way we decided that she had a choice to make when she got home. When we got home she left and stayed one week with him in a motel room and then got an apartment. During this time I filed for divorce and she signed everything just like I wanted it. I even get to keep our house. It will be final OCT 2. But I love her more that anything. The bad thing is that I am a supervisor at a manufacturing plant and she works here as an line worker and the other man works here to as a line worker. Monday I started plan B no contact until she gets rid of him. Yesterday she called me and told me that she bought a BMW. This hurt me because once again it narrows her choices. She has a $650 a month rent and signed a lease for 7 months, now a $450 car payment and she does not make this much $. He has been staying at her apartment but I realize now that he is helping with bills. I feel like if she want to kick him out she couldn't now because she couldn't pay her bills. But anyway she told me last night and I know I should not have talked to her that she bought this car and it is a 4 door and she did this where when me and her have kids we will have a 4 door car. She told me that she loved me and that she has many things to tell me. But she never gets around to telling me anything. I have wrote her letters and have left nothing unsaid. She knows how much I care and how much I love her but she continues to hurt me and not respect my feelings. She will not talk to me on the phone about anything because he is always there. She wants to see me and wants us to go out in her new car. I don't know what to do? I need help.

Did you attempt plan A, first? I was told not to Plan B until you have a good foundation in plan A.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by M&J:<BR><B>Did you attempt plan A, first? I was told not to Plan B until you have a good foundation in plan A.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes I have been trying plan A since we came back from the cruise. I have tried so hard to let her know that I am here for her and I am willing to change and that I am willing to learn how to meet all of her needs not just some. But I feel that she is riding the fence. Getting what she needs from each of us. This has been going on for 4 months and nothing has changed with me being friendly and nice. But it is so hard to cut off communication 100%^<P>

Luckily, I haven't gone into plan B, yet. So I don't exactly know what to tell you. I'll post on General Questions for you to attract their attention.

No, do not do PLan B yet. Wait at least another 3 months. You need to be able to do Plan A with your eyes closed. No LB at all.<P><B>and I am willing to change</B><BR>You're not learning and doing anything, just "willing" to do it.<P>You have to make changes in your own attitude & behaviors. Don't expect to see much of a change in hers.<P><B>During this time I filed for divorce and she signed everything just like I wanted it. I even get to keep our house. It will be final OCT 2. But I love her more that anything. </B><BR>You filed for divorce & now want to Plan B her? That does nothing but reassure her you do NOT want her in your life at all.<P><B>But she never gets around to telling me anything. </B><BR>Why should she. You're divorcing her!<P>My advice.<P>STOP!<P>Take a deep breath. When in doubt, do nothing!<P>You probably gave her an ultimatum. Stop the affair or divorce. She called your bluff and you filed. Correct?<P>I highly suggest you schedule an appt with Steve Harley. 1-888-639-1639. Also read Surviving An Affair and reread Plan A & Plan B.<P>Go slow.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

I empathize to your emotional downfall. I have had to deal with a lot of things since my W began her affair. From the beginning to the point of SA.<P>There is a lot of things that have helped me realize things.<BR>I wish to give you some reading material.<BR>Surviving infidelity (Dr.Harley)<BR>Life strategies (Dr. Phil McGraw)<BR>Relationship Rescue (Dr. Phil McGraw)<P>Dr. McGraw. has put together serious information. No phycobabble, no bull ka ka.<BR>Highly incouraged reading. <BR>You must repair yourself before you can even repair you marriage.<P>The best of luck