My H came to pick up mail yesterday (we are apart for him to have space and try to work it out) having read lots of info on MB i decided i would be better off going with plan A even though i had asked him to go and as he seems to come to the house quite a bit its quite easy anyway just as he was about to leave yesterday he asked if i wanted to go out to eat so i did and he ended up coming in at the end of the evening and one thing led to another and he stayed the night<BR>dont know if i did the right thing or not but somehow i feel it was.<BR>For the past two weeks i havent said or done anything to hassle him about OW i only SMS him to reply if he sends one and i dont call him to see where he is when he comes home i chat to him as if there is nothing wrong but am leaving him to make any moves i just kiss him bye bye etc, He dosent give me hugs or tell me he loves me or anything like that anymore, making love when you think you are not loved is very hard but the one thing i dont understand is why he still wants to if he is so in love with her why cheat on her?????<P><P>------------------<BR>lizzle

I agree that this is the time for you to Plan A.<P>He still wants to make love to you because he is confused and still loves you. Look at the stuff about love busters and having EN filled. He is using the two of you to get all of his needs met. So you will need to figure out what EN she is filling and starting filling them. I know that this is easier said then done.... but that is the trick.<P>Is he having sex with her too? I'd be worried about STD's is that is the case. It would be reasonable to stop being sexual with him while he is with another woman.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Hi Zorweb im not sure he makes love to me for love i just think its maybe a man thing? i feel its the right thing to do as that has always been one of his most important needs that i have neglected in the past the hardest part is knowing she is 12 years younger i cant help but think he must compair us and that hurts. i know my body is still good but she is drop dead gorgeous and everyone fancies her(he says) and even though i know i could go out now and pull its not what i want but my confidance is totally shot away i feel old ugly and useless and if all the stuff i was doing before this A wasent enough for him (i thought it was) it makes me feel i will never be good enough <P>------------------<BR>lizzle

Sorry back with another thought i also cant understand why if she is that brilliant her H is not fighting to save the M he is unaware of the A not sure if he knows about her others he works away all week and spends his time at the pub when he gets back they have 2 young children 6and 8 i think she filed for D last Jan but he is still in the house and D is not through yet so if she was all my H thinks life with her is gonna be surely her H would be doing something about it im so scared my H is gonna throw away 26 years for her and then find she is not what he thought<P>------------------<BR>lizzle

Her H is not fighting for the marriage because either he's in the same place she is.. he does not care about the marriage any more or he's given up on her because he does know about the affair.

You are right that your H does not know who she really is. She and our H both do not know how to make a relationship work. So theirs is headed to the same demise. Most affairs do not last more then two years. Most marriages entered into by affair partners do not last long. They are built on too much evil to ever work.

Have you considered telling him about the affair? If you do, be sure to give him a copy of the Surviving and Affair book at the same time. He has the right to know what has been going on is his life.

Just a thought.

<small>[ June 05, 2003, 12:51 AM: Message edited by: Eleonora ]</small>

Hi zorweb no i havent thought of telling her H of affair because i dont know him or OW only what ive been told they live about an hour away from us and i have resisted phone call to OW need to keep some pride intact as im sure if she answered phone i would blow<P>------------------<BR>lizzle<BR>The hardest thing to do is watch the person you love love someone else