I should say he begs whenever I say that I don't want to go with him and the kids "pretending" to be a family.<P>He has not asked me out alone and basically doesn't spend any of his free time with kids other than son's ballgames which we attend together.<P>He moved out over 5 months ago due to severe depression, job change and us growing apart. According to him, he started an affair approx 2 months ago with the woman who lives in the other half of duplex he rented. I'm not sure I believe completely that this wasn't going on for longer but I did notice a change in his behavior about that time. Prior to that he had spent every Sat at the house with me and the kids, cutting grass, playing with kids, etc. Around the time that this A supposedly started he quit coming around at all. Until this week, he had not been by to cut grass or spend any time with kids.<P>I told him I knew about the A 4 weeks ago this week and asked him to move out of the house/duplex with Her. He says he is not ready to give up on marriage, he is confused, he doesn't want me to give up on him, but he has done nothing to actually try to restore our relationship. He refused to get help for depression or take meds. He will not move away from OW. He wants me to just get used to it and beleive their relationship is not that important. Of course, when I asked if he loved her, he said he didn't know. He says he doesn't see her that much anymore but I don't buy it. He still has her car key on his key ring and I found a list in his wallet that appears that she wrote. It was a list of things for divorce for the lawyer, such as mutual restaining orders, joint custody, etc. He doesn't know I saw that. He works third shift so I can't imagine how he thinks he could have joint custody. There is no way I'm letting that ***** keep my children at night while he works.<P>At any rate, I have told him twice that I didn't want to see him again until he was willing to move away from her. I didn't even say he had to end the A, he just had to move away so he could think about things in a neutral enviroment.<P>I offered to let him move back here downstairs, or his mom says he can go back and live with his parents, or I even said I would move to my mom's temp so he could stay here and think.<P>He will not do anything. When I try to say stay away, he thinks I'm being a B****. I have explained that I am hurt so badly when he leaves even if we have a great time together. We were still sleeping together until I found out about OW. <P>I could just pretend to not worry about things and go along with whatever he wants. However, what does that say about me? Does it mean that I'm so desparate that I will allow him to treat me anyway he wants, coming and going as he pleases, etc until HE DECIDES what he wants.<P>Why don't I have the right to say no more without it doing permenent damage to our relationship. I don't want to be the bad guy but the "make-believe" everything is ok is driving me nutz. I am losing respect and love for him each time he treats me like a doormat. I hate this.<P>I guess I need to know if Plan B is possible in my situation. My H and I actually don't argue and we get along great. Today he even said I was still his best friend. I know he is scared to work on our marriage because it is hard work and will require an effort. But he is so scared to fail that he is failing to try. What can I do???<P>Thanks in advance for your help. <P>Lynn
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<P>Jim