I read NSR's post but I still don't understand:<P>While in plan A, I should not use the LB of dishonesty. BUT<BR>does this mean I need to go to radical honesty? I am sure that some topics are LB (to S) just by being mentioned, so should I just avoid those topics? But isn't that being dishonest (it is certainly not Radical Honesty)? I keep going in circles...<P>Some posts have mentioned POJA DURING plan A. Is that possible? How can I say, let's not do anything unless I'm enthused when in plan A? Won't that be an LB? If S is not yet committed to making this marriage work, how would they do POJA?<P>If S is willing to meet my needs (to a point) should I be speaking up for them? (I think yes on this one.)<P>If S is willing to partially meet my needs (possibly out of guilt, but who cares, if it is happening) and is allowing me to meet some EN of S, should I just let us build accts in Love Banks for a while before mentioning OP? <P>If S is still adamant about not giving up OP, is it worth going to a "Marriage Weekend?" (I don't know whether S would agree to go, but maybe?)

{{{<B>Bgentle</B>}}}<P>Yes... do be honest!<BR>As honest as you expect the best marriage to be...<BR>...but...<BR>...realize your S won't be ready for it... and lower your expectations of how well they might respond to <B>your</B> honesty.<P>Also your honesty should be expressed in "how (your spouses actions) things affect your feelings"! Honesty (when expressed as cold, blunt facts)... can cause arguments to heat up... more than most other kinds of conversations. An honest person cannot question your feelings!<P><B>K</B> had a great post on POJA during Plan A...<BR>...I'll have to look for it later...<BR>...I believe the thrust of <B>K</B>'s post was that... in a one-sided POJA... (for you) to not do anything that you (as a married partner) wouldn't do if you were "in recovery".<P>As far a meeting each other's needs... <B>the more the better</B>!!!<P>As far any form of marriage building... (MB weekends, Marriage Encounter Weekends, Retrouvaille, etc.)<BR>...go for it as much as possible!<P> <P>Jim