I have just resently descovered MB and am implementing Plan A. Should I let my WS know? I'm not sure when his EA started, but his SA started on March 22. (Sad to say this was our 15 yr wedding anniv.) <P>WS says that he wants to work on our relationship and he even got a new job and we moved 3 hours away from the OW. The problem is that he can't seem to make it through the withdrawl period and keeps contacting her. Thus, setting us back to square one.<P>I never knew about Plan A & B before visiting this web site earlier this week and just want to know if I should start Plan A or try to get WS to agree to the recovery plan instead.<P>I received Dr. Harley's book "Surviving an Affair" yesterday and have read it cover to cover. I just want to do what is right. I haven't shared any of Dr. Harley's concepts with my WS yet.<P>Le

MB principles are not to be a surprise to the spouse. Plan A is to show the spouse unconditional love. If the affair ends you gradually transition into habits and attitudes which will enable the marriage to thrive. If the affair doesn’t end then Plan B is called for. However, this should not be taken lightly.<P>I suggest you tell your husband you are learning about what you did in the marriage which was detrimental to a healthy relationship and tell him you are trying to put into practice the MB principles.<P>A key point here. Don’t try to “educate” your spouse into doing this stuff. If applied properly, he will see the results. Just let him know you are still learning this stuff and it makes sense for a healthy relationship. If he asks about them, let him know what you have learned and why you think it is beneficial other wise just do it.<P>Ask questions here if you are unsure of what to do. Lots of good help here.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Chris, thank you for your reply.<P>So you don't think I should have him agree to the plan and sign the Marital Recovery Agreement?<P>I am afraid of making any mistakes that might push him away rather than draw him in.<P>Also, does anyone have suggestions on how to support my WS through his recovery period? He is really having a hard time keeping from contacting her. He says that he worries about her. I know that we can't start true recovery until he breaks all ties. He keeps saying that he want to reconcile, and then he keeps contacting the OW.<P>He seems very apreciative and thankful with all of my efforts so far. Prior to his afair I was very screwed up and was not meeting a single one of his emmotional needs even a little bit. I therefore don't really have any anger or resentment. I just know that I love him and want to move forward.<P>Le