B2O,<P>Oh the doormat issue is a tough one to take. This one is a tough one for me also so maybe I'll learn something by trying to explain what I have found out so far. Let me say that first of all you have some good things going for you. One that WS will not divorce for 1 to 2 years. That is a wonderful amount of time to work on your marriage however it is done. Second, that WS has agreed to no contact for 6 months. My understanding though is that she is not honoring this agreement. First you have to understand what she is going through is exactly like an addiction to OM. This is the fog everyone talks about. There are even chemical reasons in the brain why she feels about this OM. So first off you have to approach it as an addiction. They will lie, deny, whatever they have to, to get the bliss feeling they had at first. The truth is though that this feeling emotionallly and chemically dies off.<P>I know everyone's case is unique, but let me say you really have two valid options at this point. You can leave. Period. From what has happened that is totally understandable. Second, you can wait and try to fix this marriage. By choosing wait as a valid option you are no longer helpless. If you choose wait, which it sounds like you have, that is where all of PlanA and B come in to play. So hold on this is literally going to be the roughest emotional roller coaster you have ever been on. PlanA is for you. Don't forget this. PlanA is for you to know that you did everything in your power to make this marriage work. If it doesn't at least you will be able to look back and know you did all you could do. What you're doing in PlanA is showing WS that you can and are the man she needs in her life. Its for you to prove to yourself and her that you have permenately had changes in yourself to be the man she needs. This is sometimes reffered as the wake-up call most of us get. The self respect and doormat feeling is the worst part of PlanA. There are two other side effects of PlanA. One it is unfair. We are doing everything possible to make WS happy and getting nothing in return. Second, we are enabling WS. It's almost saying that WS can have best of both worlds with us thinking we will win in the long run. These three side effects is what makes PlanA so hard/frustrating/difficult to continue. I think most of us doing PlanA at one point or another break and cause the whole LB thing which can destroy in one instance everything we have been building up. So this is a great place to vent. Believe it or not most of us go trough the exact same thing. So if you feel like you are going to explode get away from WS. Come here if you have to a vent everything.<P>To answer you questions specifically, yes "tell her that she is free to do whatever she wants, and just let her know that everyday I know or see that she is talking/seeing the OM that I am being disrespected by her and that I that I actually get hurt?" trust me she knows this. Let it be known once as easily as you can. The more you bring this up the more she feels guilty and wants to run away from you to get rid of the guilt but it will always be there. I would keep the no contact rule. If nothing else she will feel the guilt everytime she contacts OM.<P>"Do I just let her know that I love her and I am currently learning whatever I can to repair our relationship?" This is absolutely the most important thing you can do and is what PlanA is all about. This is to show her you know where you two went wrong and even if she doesn't want to work on it you are doing everything you can and becoming the perfect man for her and yourself. Soon she will see your strength and will even want to know what the source of the strength is. Remember while you are being this perfect man for her, trust me, OM is making LB. This is why this process takes time. Nothing will happen overnight. So yes you feel like a doormat. This is the hardest thing to overcome. She will see though that you can act in a way that fulfill all of her needs while you get nothing in return that you will be even better when you get some incentive back from her. Again, the doormat thing is so hard but you have to ask what is more important. You can get over the doormat thing in the future.<P>So be strong! When you need to vent come here never toward WS. Read some of the post in the recovery sections. This plan does work. I'm still waiting to see if it works for me but I do know my WS has seen how strong I have been and it has made it so hard for her to leave. Take care of yourself and do something for yourself everyday that makes you happy. Well, I might have rambled here but know you are not alone. Everyone that doesn't know about the PLanA thing will probably even look at you in disbelief of what you are doing to yourself some come back here for support from people who know exactly what you are going through.<P>Take care,<BR>Brandon
