Ok, so this is a freq. asked question...<P>Is it time for me to plan B?<P>Here is my situation... D-day was memorial day. We made a lot of progress through the summer, but I was not doing a full plan A. W refuses to discontinue contact with OM.<P>In mid-august, I started a full-bore plan A. It has gone rather well. I felt much better about myself, and she has started to enjoy being with me. <P>Lately, she has been leaning more towards me then ever before, but she is still very undecided. It has my roller coaster going all over the place. She says she is almost ready to leave him for me, then a few days later, she thinks it is ok to go see him. "The only reason it is not good is because I am married." Isn't that enough?!?!<P>Well, to get to the meat of the question.... I am starting to resent her more and more. It is getting to the point where I am thinking about skipping plan B, and just leaving her. <P>I basically copied the plan B letter from SAA last night, editted the names, and changed a few lines to fit the situation. Over the next couple of days I plan on adding more of my thoughts, and deleting some of the other lines. I am not in a rush to deliver this letter to her, so I can think it out first.<P>I guess that is my basic plan. Work on the letter, contemplate if that is what I want to do, and not rush into it. <P>

Hi Arthur1234,<P>You relpied to a lot of my posts throughout August and seem to be going through the same stuff as me. I came on here today to ask the same question as you. My H seemed to actually enjoy my company more once I started plan A, but despite things seeming better between us on the surface, I knew he was stiil phoning her and possibly still seeing her. I am about to start plan B. Because plan A has seemed successful, it hurts even more to know that he still can't choose me 100% At the beginning of September the hurt got to a stage where my health had started to suffer and I starting to lose my self - respect. The last three weeks have nearly been like plan B anyway. My H works away Mon to Fri, but the last three weekends he hasn't been home either saying he had to work in Ireland. This is feasible, except, just before he went he slipped up and said something about "Oh I'd better get these letters in the post before I go on holiday" Was this trip to Ireland a business trip or a holiday with the OW????? I haven't spoken to him at all since 5 September. During that time I've started to sleep again and have been able to eat again. In fact, I feel better for not seeing or hearing from him. The torture of seeing him, but knowing he doesn't want me has been removed.I have been able to think about me for a change instead of spending very evening wondering whether he will phone or not. Since the last three weeks have been a sort of plan B anyway, I may as well just continue it. I have sent him a letter saying he has to choose and if he chose her he could go with my blessing because I had to have all or nothing. I can not continue to share him with someone else. The time has come for him to take responsibility for his actions. I'm not sure about you. Maybe plan B will make your W realise that her affair has to stop...NOW. I think that if you carry on with plan A, she will continue to only nearly make her mind up and never quite get there. <BR>I hope some others will answer your post. My response may not be the right one for you, I don't know!<P>Wounded One

Wounded One --<P>Thank you for your reply. I have been trying to reply to other posts for a couple of weeks, but just have not been able to do it. A lot of times, I see better answers then I could ever give, so i just let it go.<P>Your story sounds very similar to mine. I sometimes wonder if my good job at plan A is keeping her from him and from finding out what a loser he really is. She cycles ... a lot of time with him, then complains about him and stays away, then forgets about him annoying her, back to spending time with him... <P>Logistically, I do not know if we can just temp. seperate. I am applying for jobs far away from here, and if I get one, I am going to take it. I do not know if that is a bad idea or not, but she has encouraged me to apply, and said she would likely come with me..... <P>This post has been a ramble. I am just confused.<P>thanks for listening, WO.<P>

Arthur - it's good that you're not rushing into this. If she is waffling that could be a good sign, however, she may also be looking for you to supply reasons why she should stick with OM. If that's the case then more time, patience, and steadiness is what you need. Try to stick out a full 6 months in plan A, if you can.<P>To deal with the feelings of resentment forcing you into plan B, maybe pull back a little bit in some of the things you do in plan A, though not all the way to how it was before D-day or mid-August. Try not to look for (and rely on) positive feedback from her, instead use your own judgement on how you're doing at plan A.<P>My wife spent about a month trying to convince me I should take a university job in some other state, because that's what I've always wanted to do. This was a trap and it might be the same in your case, she might not really come with you.<P>Good luck,<P>Tom

Arthur,<P>Just remember two things. <P>1. Plan B should be preceeded by a good Plan A. You seem to have done this.<P>2. Plan B is to protect your feelings not hers. If you are losing your love for her, then you need to go to plan B now. If you wait until you really don't want to be around her then if she did come around you will have to rekindle those lost feelings and she will have all of her work to do. This is not good. Plan B before you are out of love. <P>Also remember Plan B is not about making or forcing her to come back. It is to protect you and it turns out that an ancillary effect is that she gets to see what she is missing, that is why a good Plan A is so helpful. You leave her with good memories.<P>Don't wait too long.<P>God Bless,<P>JL<BR>