sigh<p>[ October 20, 2001: Message edited by: stilldreamin ]

Have you get MB help ?. I hope you are not doing plan A on your own & by reading books or this web site. Have you ask your H to go to see marriage c or appt. w/ MB ?.<P>My guess is your H never get over with your past behavior that hurt him. He is in defensive mode to anything that might get him hurt again. (?) Did your sister ever covering your past or at least helping in his view (?). Fact that he does not file divorced yet and just talking ... there is still hope. He probably hates your behavior but still have some feeling left or other reasons. I am saying this because I am a BS. 5 years ago my W had EA to OM, she never put closure w/ me even she is genuine close that chapter. Now I am a BS again w/ my W has PA/EA to OM for the past 8 months (?). If I were you I call MB to seek help before you stray or your H will. I found MB a bit too late but I got great help on plan A' ing<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Give your absolute best such that looking back 10 years from now w/ no regret.

stilldreamin, <P>You have been here a long time. I looked at one of your posts from Dec.99 and the feeling of that post is very similar to this. Does that mean your H has not moved forward at all? <P>He seems to distrust you immensely. <P>Have you guys had counseling? Cos if you did/are, you may need a new counselor, cos I think that nothing seems to have changed in his attitude. Or yours, for that matter, you are still incredibly sad. <P>I believe this man is now so used to treating you badly and manipulating your feelings and guilt for your past A, that he thinks it his given right to eternally punish you. <P>Why do you have to leave? If it is so bad for him, why doesn't he go? <P>The way he is treating you is abusive, verbally. This situation must change for you, after so long trying to Plan A, I would go to a Plan B if at all possible. And this may also mean calling his bluff, and leaving...hard when you have kids. Think about taking them if you go.<P>Money, he controls it? Investigate what benefits you are entitled to from govt sources, as well as a legal separation agreement to get money from him, BEFORE you leave, or he does.<P>Look out for yourself, and be strong.<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky<P>

<p>[ October 20, 2001: Message edited by: stilldreamin ]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by stilldreamin:<BR><B><BR>I did have an affair...after years of what I felt was verbal, emotional, and financial abuse...I tried to find a prince charming.....it was the wrong thing to do...I have tried to do everything he has asked...answered every question.....there is absolutely no contact with OM (he lives in another town).....Its been 3 years since d-day...I don't know what else to do...and he brings up the affair all the time.....my sister never knew anything of what was going on until d-day when my husband made me go to her...and I told her everything...I filed for divorce the next day and my husband blames her for that.....<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Typical. You should look for Agreement in this MB when the A ends. Missing few steps will be fatal. Also, as BS now I understand that I have large share to blame to drive my W to have another A. If the table was reverse I probably have done it too. We learn from the past and hope not to repeat in the future. Make sure you put very good plan A, for your own benefit, get help from MB, they know this theme inside out.<P><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by stilldreamin:<BR><B>We have been to so many counselors and pastors in the last 3 years.....he gets upset with all of them......he says he is the good guy...and has done nothing wrong.....and gets mad if the counselors look at anyone but me for any blame in the marriage......we still owe one counselor that he refuses to pay......<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Get him to MB. If he refuse do it your self, get good plan A then do plan B. By then you will not dreaming no more but facing your live. When this kind of thing happened, both of you should burried old event (after opened it for the last time w/ honesty) and not finding whose fault it was but how not to repeat it again. MB could help you out. From my search of marriage&relation I am convinced that MB is inline with my beleive in Christ and they have steps that is painfull but works. Absolute good plan A w/ no LB at all then plan B.<BR>Whatever the outcome u will be a better person and has peace with yourself. If he still did not see it or refuse to see it it is time to dump the looser. You are at 40+ where much of exciting life still ahead of you and your kid. I am planning to have my life starts at 50, retire and live my life with my W (if she is back), my kids will be out of the house and starting their own. I will do thing that we both enjoy and share. Time to ask help w/ good plan A also try to organize your life so that you are not depend on him at all when plan B has to be put in place. Nina too has a lot experience, check out her posting or ask her help. On and off plan A or inconsistent plan A will drain you up. Hang in there set a time limit and get a good plan A.<P>------------------<BR>Give your absolute best such that you could look back 10 years from now w/ no regret.