Hello to every one and thank you for having this site!!<BR>First a little about my situation. I am a male 47 years old, been married for 16 years and have 4 wonderful children. In July this year I found out my W was having an A with a cousin. We have been on a rocky road for the last 7 years and I was willing to leave at times. When I found out we talked about ending our marriage and going our seperate ways. It was at this point that I realized that I love her and am not willing to give up on our happiness together. After much reading at this site I started plan A and am showing her how much I care for her. She says she is willing to try again. The OM lives 8 hours away from here and she talks to him through e-mail from our home. I have access to this and every time they talk I sink deeper. This is something I feel guilty about. I am cosidering telling her about my checking up on her but don't know if I should. She says she doesn't know if she can fall in love with me again but says she does love me. I in the past have not been a very supportive husband and have shown very little affection towards her. Can anybody offer any help or suggestions??

Welcome helpless&#8230; I&#8217;m so very sorry for the pain you&#8217;re feeling. You&#8217;ll find that there are many supportive people here with much the same story to tell. I&#8217;ve not been here long myself. I&#8217;m 39, been married for 20 years and my W is in the middle of an A. Her OM also lives about 8 hours away. It doesn&#8217;t ease the pain to be sure! I can pass on some of the things I&#8217;ve been told by these wonderful people, they seem to help. <P>Read everything on this site! The information is fantastic!<P>There is a post floating around in here by WAT I believe that has 10 rules for BSs. I read them every day.<P>Remember to take care of yourself!! You&#8217;re no good to anyone if you&#8217;re a wreck.<P>I spend a lot of time here, it&#8217;s very therapeutic to say the least. There is strength in knowing that you&#8217;re not alone and you&#8217;re certainly not! Take care of yourself and best of luck to you. Keep your chin up!

Helpless,<BR>Welcome. Sorry you're in a spot where you needed to seek out this site. But, since you are here, I'll tell you you've come to the right place. You may want to post your story in the General Questions forum, as there is more activity over there, and you may get more help. The first and foremost thing that is important for you and your W to know is that as long as she is in contact with OM in any way, shape or form, she will most likely NOT be able to fall back in love with you. If your W tells you she's willing to work on your M, there has to be NO CONTACT. Try to see if she is willing to read Surviving An Affair. It's very informative and helpful to both spouses. Read and post often, take care. My prayers go out to you.<P>MOM

Thanks for the response. My W is not willing at this point to stop her relationship with OM. This is a cousin on her side and she says that she enjoys going up there to see her family. As far as I know she has not seen them for the first 9 years of our marriage and think this is just an excuse to continue on. I think it is an advantage that they see each other very little due to the distance and that does give me time to deposit LU in her bank. My first question is should I keep on checking her e-mail from him and driving myself crazy? Should I tell her that I have been spying on thier messages? I think that she is using a computer away from home as was suggested in one of thier e-mails. Thank you again. Any help would be welcome. Scared to go to plan B