Well he is leaving, WH told me today he is leaving. Says no contact with OW for over a month. Says he just can't live with me because he does not love me,says it is tearing him up. DDay was July 9, 2001. I am numb. I don't know what pain is worse dday or this. I have plan Aed very good. He told me he can tell I have changed. What do I do untill he leaves? Do I contact a laywer? Do I go to Plan B. He says he wants no releationship now with anyone. Is this thick fog? Do you think he has had contact with OW? I need help fast. We have a 10 year old. Says he will stay close to him. Sure that is what he says now. But once they leave things change.<P>Someone please give me advise!

Honey...stay stong with the Plan A until you can sort out all that's happened within your lives this past year. Hopefully, his distance will allow you additional personal growth while allowing you to have continued contact with him. Plan A is about YOU and allows you to strengthen the positive changes that you've accomplished.<P>There is absolutely nothing that you can do to change his mind about leaving. Let him go in peace. Unfortunately, your H has a drastic need to change his environment. He may or may not be in contact with the OW. This remains to be seen. Give him the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise. Despite the pain that you are feeling due to his decision, the distance may be helpful for each of you. This time away from him can allow you to become more independent likewise it may help him to realize what he may miss, permanently, should he continue to live apart from his family.<P>You cannot make him change.....but you can give him the opportunity to grow and change himself. Take care and be strong.<p>[ October 19, 2001: Message edited by: GeezLouise ]

Thanks so much Geez. One question, Should I see a lawyer for seperation papers to protect my children?<P><BR>Thanks again for the support

Wow Geez, I really liked that statement: "You cannot make him change.....but you can give him the opportunity to grow andchange himself." That is what I am trying to do. My H has allowed himself to become so dependant on me (he forces me to make most decisions by not making any) that he feels he has lost himself and can no longer talk to me. For some reason the OW is easy to talk to...funny, I think she is the only one he CAN talk to (say he can with his HS buddy, but doesn't so....). But he sees it all as a marriage problem, not his own (and family's) lack of communication skills and desire to never rock the boat. But enough psycho babble about H....<P>But that is what I am trying to do, even though emotions keep interfearing. I am trying to give him room to grow and change however he needs to. All the while still letting him know I love him always, no matter how he changes. Unfortunately I don't know how much growing and changing he is doing because he is stuck up OW's butt all the time and probably is making her call all the shots now (jumps from one to another). But my H is only 24, a big growth and change time....I just hope he will eventually grow into a life vision that includes me. Not so hopeful right now, but hey, that may change.<P>Still Love Him -- stay his friend and plan A as long as you can. Get yourself strong (I know, easier said than done), but continue to be pleasant and caring for him. He'll either decide he needs/wants that kind of commited caring in his life from someone he knows will stick by him no matter what (and an A is a big what), or he will decide he is not worth it on some subconcious level. Kinda sucks, but the only thing I keep telling myself is that I will know that if things don't work out, I gave it my all and worked for this marriage...I will have no regrets on taht front. Keep strong and stick around [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]