Hi PP,
I think Jenni made a good point there about him needing to miss you. OPs aren't as available as the Ss so that makes them much more appealing.<p>I am in a same boat with you. H gets annoyed and can't understand why I want my space at the moment. I just about have to start locking the doors to keep him away. Plan B frightens him for some reason. I would say I have tried plan B 3 times. On the first one OW was in a picture very much, no contact worked for 3 weeks and few weeks later H started talking about wanting to finish it with OW. That happened, but unfortunately the A started again and I had to go to plan B once more. It's really difficult with 2 young children.But it worked for a couple weeks and just followed similar pattern: few weeks later H wanted to make the M work.That happened 2 months ago It's not over yet... Last week I found out H is still keeping in touch with OW so plan B time again and it took only 1 day and he tells me he's called OW and finished it. I thought finally, but no, it's not over yet..... Had to go to plan B yesterday, H told me he wants to move on. I organized a place where he was meant to pick up the boys for the weekend. H tried calling me when he got there, didn't answer, and since he was close where I live he turns up!! Just wanted to ask if I can drive them back on Sunday. I said he could have sent a textmessage or emailed me instead. Just doesn't get it. This is what I need for my own sanity, it's not a punishment.H thinks it's just a game I'm playing, looked very worried and like he was going to lose it. I have set the rules now and if he wants to move on and a D I can't be there comforting him and letting him hurt me over and over again. I love to have him around and I miss him. I 'll have him back when he's ready to commit. Now he's just causing pain.
Try to toughen up. It's very hard to say no to someone you love. But like so many others say, long term it pays off. It's a huge risk to take , but I think it's worth it. I have tried everything else for 15 months and it hasn't worked, only after plan B there has been progress.My mistake has been letting him come too close too quickly and then he starts waffling again.
WSs are sometimes like babies who are screaming for strict boundaries. Someone has to be tough and tell them being naughty, seeing OPs is not acceptable. I think the difficulty is there how do you do it lovingly.
In my case OWs gone(Not 100% sure)but as long as H is not committed I don't see any reason to be friends with him . Maybe one day in the future.I have a strange situation where FIL goes to plan B too. It distressing for H and FIL doesn't know how to do it lovingly at all.
PP if you want to stay M, do it.Find the inner strenght, stay focused on your goal.If you want to be D don't do it, let him walk all over you.
You have a great chance since your H is clearly still not ready to be 100% committed to OW.
NO contact.
Good luck. Look after yourself.
BIF
