I am new here I have been lurking at various boards for awhile now. it has been 3 months since dday. I have read and reread Dr. Harley's "Surviving an Affair" and "His needs her needs". I am trying my heart out in plan A.<p>At first I got that he didn't believe that my trying was the truth I was just doing this to keep him. We have been married 10 years have one child. He told me about the A after 3 months of me begging for the truth. <p>Husband told me that he wasn't in love with me anymore he was in love with 19 year old OW. Of course I got angry called OW, I knew her. Got her mother instead she still lives at home. Her mother was livid to say the least. Her daughter was not at home she was spending the night at friends house. Mother went and got her. <p>I told went thru stages of anger and tears for the next month as I read everything I could get my hands on by Dr. Harley. Told my H that all contact between him and OW had to end. Not to say that her father called my H and told him he would kill him if he ever talked to her again. My H is 31 and so am I. I think part of what made my so angry was that she was so young. Of course he brought up the fact we were married at 21 which is only two yearss older then she is. The fog I guess. <p>Husband and Ow communicated by IM, e-mails and his cell phone. I broke into his e-mail account and pulled up everything I could find. I disabled his IM. And his private e-mail account. So what does this girl do sends an e-mail to our family e-mail. I am not angry with her she is just a child and I am an adult, but I had enough. That night I told my H that the contact must stop or he could move out and be with her. I asked to see his cell phone to see if she had called him or if he had called her. Of course he refused. Finally admitted that he was still talking to her but that he hadn't seen her.<p>I gave him the option stay and work on this or leave. He chose to stay I guess he never came out and said it but he is still here. I have been trying very hard not to LB and to work very hard on filling his emotional needs. The only thing I have asked is that the contact stop.<p>Things have gotten a little better but I am still so confused. I tell him I love him every day and try to show affection and be ther for him. He has yet to tell me that he loves but he is now starting to show affection without me having to start it. It's just this last week he seems to be getting distant again. I don' know what to do. SHould I snoop and see if he is seeing her again. Or should I just ask? Sorry so long I am just about to give up. I am wondering if it is worth it. I love him but at times I feel like I am beating my head against the wall.

In plan A you should not LB, works focusing on yourself and most of all let A dies naturally. Those are the foundation to rebuild your lasting M. You got your H physically but now you are strugling reaching for his emotions. You might wonder why he stays ?. You need to back off, it is hard but it is necessasy for H to come on his own term. Yes, you could snoop/sleuth, heck I did too ! but I use the info to see my own progress ... Never even mention A unless H brings it up.<p>Here some links ...<p>General Welcome for All New Builders: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=000553 <p>Acronyms, Smilies, UBB Codes: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=000557<p>50 signs your spouse is having an affair: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000985.html<p>Good luck

Hi Music MW and redhat!<p>I'm here again, the forever betrayed insomniac. Tylenol pm is beginning to make me type a bit slower now.<p>Music: Where in Ga do you live? Just wondering.
I know how you feel and I told Kevco to read a book that deals just with what you and I and so many here are struggling with. Love Must Be Tough by Dobson. My counselor uses it along w/MB. I told Kevco about a chapter in the book which explains why immature love is rarely permanent. Just not made up of "the right stuff". The chapter is called "Young Love" or something like that. Please run out and get it. You will see what I mean. That book and this site I refer to when I get wacky, like I've been for the last 3 days--actually stopped crying and shaking last night. Think there's no more tears. <p>God Bless You--You're all in my prayers. You all know that I'm praying for all of you b/c I'm an insomniac now and that (praying) is something for me to do since I can't sleep. It's positive anyway.

I live in a small town in SOuthwest GA. Outside of Atlanta. I know about the insomnia I had it for a while too. Thank Goodness for Tylenol PM.<p>Actually, my H came home last night brought a new DVD for us to watch tucked our son in bed, and we stayed up watching movies snuggled on the couch.<p>Fatal Attraction came on and we watched it. I had never seen it before. By the end of the movie he was holding my hand. He never said anything but I could tell by the way he was acting that something had hit home. <p>I think that every WS should have to sit with their spouse and watch that movie, might scare them straight.