Hey guys,<p>Quick update,<p>In the past week I have said less than 10 words to my H.<p>They included on Sunday, "Thanks, I've got it from here" This was when he brought them home at 9:20 knowing son was singing in choir special and needed to be at church at 9:30. I gathered them up and was in the house in less than 30 seconds and shut door behind me. <p>Only other contact was this morning when I passed him in the driveway leaving. I said " All you have left is shoes & socks. I have to go" (I had company coming to work and had to be there early)<p>All other days I've had kids ready and out the door as soon as he pulls up and I've gone straight to the shower (door locked)just in case he thinks about coming in the house to speak to me.<p>I beleive that he thinks I'm playing a game and that I'll break first. Don't get me wrong, this is very hard. I still love him and hate that he is living with OW, who doesn't even know there was any hope for our marriage. I miss talking to him. I miss hugging him. I miss hearing about his night at work, etc. BUT I've been firm so far in avoiding him and everyday gets a bit easier. I still cry at night over my lost dreams and my lonliness, but I am getting stronger and not getting sucked back in to his "be my best friend" game is helping me.<p>I was thinking of breaking one rule and sending him a small flower or ballon arrangement on Tuesday. It is our son's 6th birthday and I just wanted the card to read something like:<p>Thanks for the gift of our son, 6 years ago today,<p>We love you,<p>Goofy Idea.. I know but it accomplishes 1 thing. One it lets other woman know I still love him and may place some doubt in her mind if he has told her otherwise. I wrote her a letter once but did not send it based on advice from my MB crewmates. It wasn't a bad letter but at the time it served no purpose either. It was directed more towards H than her anyway, I later found out by re-reading it a month or so later.. H did read it.<p>I don't plan on talking to him and I really don't care if sending arrangement is seen as LB by him. I'm in Plan B not Plan A anymore.<p>Does anyone have any suggestions? Is this strictly against MB rules to thank him for my son, even if there is an alternative motive. I'm sure he will see right through it but at this point I have nothing to lose. I've lost him anyway. <p>He hired a lawyer and our first motion hearing is in 3 weeks.<p>Any ideas?<p>PP

Hi PP - no, I definitely would not send him a gift or a card. Has he asked about coming to your son's birthday party?<p>The book "Surviving an Affair" has an example where a copy of the plan B letter was sent to the OM, with a short hand-written note at the bottom letting OM know that BS still loved WS and intended to restore the marriage. Did you send a copy of your plan B letter to OW? I think that's all I might do in your situation. I'm not sure what reaction to expect. I'm very close to plan B myself but I don't plan to send a copy to OM. There have been 4, and as individuals, they're not important. But in your case, it could have some value.<p>Glad to hear that you're doing better on plan B. Keep it up. If you can be consistent, he will notice and it could end up making a difference.<p>- Tom