Hi I am new hear & keep looking for this A & B plan.. Ok I might be having a blonde moment but can someone guide me to where I can locate them? And how soon is to soon to contact the hubby after he has moved out? He has been gone a week. He feels he can no longer trust me but still loves me very much & will always care for me. I kissed another man 2 times in September. I had been very unhappy and my emotional needs where not met and spoke with hubby about my feelings prior to the incident he did not see anything wrong. I am not EXCUSING my actions in any way I am truly sorry that it EVER happened. But, I no longer have ANY contact with this person and I want my h back.. Is this POISSIBLE>>> Should I just give up like all the friends think?

Here's a good place to start:
General Welcome for All New Builders: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=000553 <p>Acronyms, Smilies, UBB Codes: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=000557<p>Why wait to call ?. You are the one that brooke the trust. Call him, appologized and also ask him what he needs to see in you to feel secure and to build trust.

Thankx Red.... I have apologized but that was when he was home and emotions were HIGH.. He is living with Mom now and has not yet experienced life with out the silly ole W.. I often wonder if he even misses me & the dogs.. And he SWEARS it is over he can NOT trust me... Even though he LOVES me feels he can not trust me.. Can it be rebuilt?

Hi Leo - it's much, much too soon to give up the way your friends are saying. Trust will take a long time to rebuild, but if both of you are willing and work at it, it will happen. You have to prove it to your husband with consistent actions, it's not enough to just say it. That's what takes some time.<p>If he says that he still loves you, then you have a lot going on your side.<p>- Tom

Might I suggest a couple of books that might help BOTH of you through this difficult time.<p>"Surviving an Affair" and "His Needs, Her Needs" both available on the site bookstore.<p>They explain plans A & B, love banks, EN, love and marriage. Please read them, have your H read them if possible, and employ the strategies for building a FANTASTIC M.<p>Good luck, my prayers are with you.
Kev

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by leo8:
<strong>Thankx Red.... I have apologized but that was when he was home and emotions were HIGH.. He is living with Mom now and has not yet experienced life with out the silly ole W.. I often wonder if he even misses me & the dogs.. And he SWEARS it is over he can NOT trust me... Even though he LOVES me feels he can not trust me.. Can it be rebuilt?</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Check this link out ..probably will help you a bit not on the question since it is not apply to your situation but the answer that Harley gave.<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5027_qa.html
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5027b_qa.html<p>Yes, it can be rebuilt and it is a lot of work to do. You have your own problem, creating "mis-trust" and there is nothing could ruin good relation in no time than mis-trust. You have to change and built the trust back. Now time passes by, emotion probably calm down, could you cantact him and tell him not only how sorry you are and tell him your feeling now ... missed him and so on ?. Make up !, you know how to do it. Do not worry about if he is missing you or not, the bigger problem is rebuilding trust. You have to convince him that you are changing and drop all the LB that you have. Getting to know the 'ol lady and closer to her might not be bad idea. Also show him that you are willing to change !!!. 'ol lady have him for his life and you just come to his life not long ago. You might learn one or two thing that he like.<p>STAY AWAY FROM YOUR SO CALLED FRIEND FOR ADVICE.<p>Get educated quick about MB you could rebuilt it [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

If I were in your place, I would send him a copy of Surviving An Affair (after reading it yourself, of course) along with a letter describing in detail how you failed him in the marriage, how very sorry you are, and that you'd like to follow the plan outlined in the book and build a new marriage based on the principles and guidelines described. State your willingness to do this and your commitment especially to following the Policy of Radical Honesty because of your failure in this area (and any others you see after reading the book). Close with asking him if he would be interested in doing this with you.<p>I suggest this because I am the betrayed spouse in my marriage, and if my H did something like this, (well after I recovered from keeling over from the shock [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] ) I'd be right there with bells on ready to get started.<p>Conqueror

kissing someone else is not an afair tho it is a betrayal <p>trust will be a HUGE issue and ...if your love is strong enuff you can amke strides but no promises on getting trust back ...its up to the betrayed one as to what they can live with the rest of their lives<p>kissing is different than sex in a small way but it is still an intimate gesture that belongs to your partner ONLY <p>emotionally you have a long road to plow...and it may be for nothing [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] be prepared