I originally posted on Pregnancy/Child. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for 6 years. Last week was the first whole week of me knowing about A that resulted in OC. I cried, got mad, I am in therapy, tried to kill myself and the list goes on. I went to church and kept god in my thoughts all last week. I have put our love in god's hands and am working on being strong.<p>H could not make a decision on wether he wanted to stay with me and work on our problems, or go with OW and have a relationship for child. So he had me crying on one side and her crying on another, and he decided that he would not choose either one. That does upset me. But I have choosen to sit back and do things his way. This is how it will go. H will stay here but sleep in living room (yeah right). H will go where he pleases and talk to whomever he pleases and I will not ask any questions as I will do the same. I know he will talk to her, but she will go crazy just because he is here with me. YOu know this may not be one of the smarter decisions here, but I am willing to try anything. We do make each other happy and he has admitted that he loves me but is no longer "in love" with me, SO I will be myself, stop crying and be strong to bring him back. I will continue to pray, have faith and believe that things will get better. He does love me , he is here with me, and I am involved in their relationship because OW and I do talk to each other. So today is Day 1 of this awkward relationship, Day 1 of me being strong and Day 1 of new hope that things will work out.<p>My husband has this belief that if we do this , by becoming friends and realizing all the problems we had that led up to the A then we can work on those and get through this. I hope all goes well, and I will look to the Lord to find my strength. <p>Jessica

Hi Jessica,<p>Go Bless you! It will be a very hard road, however, at least he is still physically there to discuss thngs with and at least try and build upon something. My ex and I are separated and she is still seeing the OM from the affair. SHe also says she loves me, but is not "in love" with me. I am her best friend, but she cannot get "the feeling" back. She feels numb inside to me.
I hope all the principles that you use will pull him out of this tailspin. You will still have to deal with the OW though, because of the child. I wish you all the best, and will pray for you to be strong for all of you!<p>Best,<p>Paul

Jessica26,<p>Learn about plan A, LB & HNHN. You will need it, it will help you out to help him to choose with plan B.<p>H is still in the fog. Be strong and also read a book "Love must be tough" by Dobson. It is similiar to plan A/B and what I like about it is emphasis on stronger you. But I do not recomend his attibute about doormat. It might not work for some marriages.<p>About communicating w/ OW, you have to deal with it since there is OC. No LB also even with OW, she is here for the long haul.<p>Your H is correct but invite him also to understand HNHN and FILNSIL (fall in love and stay in love). But shy to let him to read up on SAA since IMHO to avoid you being taken for a ride in plan A and losing effectiveness on plan B.<p>Get help w/ your pastor and keep posting here. Lean on HIM ... HE will never forsake you ... and remember HIS promise that one spouse could save both.

I understand doing PlanA but agreeing to let him stay and do as he pleases (and you also) is a load of crap.<p>It just seems to me that you are allowing him to have his cake and eat it to. I am not saying look to end your marriage (not at all), but the pain this agreement could bring you is immeasurable. Seems that going to PlanB would be better.<p>[ November 23, 2001: Message edited by: diamonda ]<p>[ November 23, 2001: Message edited by: diamonda ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by diamonda:
<strong>I understand doing PlanA but agreeing to let him stay and do as he pleases (and you also) is a load of crap.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I do not think you understand plan A at all. Is nothing about him but you. Plan A is a bridge to plan B, Jessica, I presumed has not done plan A. I have a WW that comes and go as she likes, staying 2 nights only at home. If I "kicked" her @ss off it will be victory to OM and I still have problem to solve on my hand. Now she starts realizing and internal conflict within her popped up once in a while. I will have my day in plan B and probably plan C ... run like hell and never look back !!!.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>It just seems to me that you are allowing him to have his cake and eat it to. I am not saying look to end your marriage (not at all)...<hr></blockquote>
H had his cake & eat it too already. How do you know if H just say the heck with Jessica and move on ?, end of M ?.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> ..., but the pain this agreement could bring you is immeasurable.<hr></blockquote>
Pain is there and and will be there regardless, Plan A/B is not for sissy and not for everyone.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Seems that going to PlanB would be better.<hr></blockquote>
Again if there is no plan A there is no plan B, all it is pushing H away.<p>BTW, what is your story diamonda ? welcome to MB ... follow the link below you will learn MB. Post your profile too if you may, enlighten me on your solution of your problem and what is your progress so far ?. I might learn something from you.<p>[ November 23, 2001: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

Jessica,
Have you come up with your Plan A?
----------------------------------------<p>Redhat,
I heard about this site from members at the KeyBridge site. <p>I am divorced (over 10 years now) and I am a former OW. Now I am just someone looking to not make the same mistakes twice [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I will check out the links you listed.<p>BTW, I was under the impression that Jessica had attempted Plan A already (my mistake). <p>Thanks<p>[ November 23, 2001: Message edited by: diamonda ]</p>

diamonda,<p>You mean keybridge like kbf in DC ?.<p>I am divorced (over 10 years now) and I am a former OW. Now I am just someone looking to not make the same mistakes twice [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Divorce comes first or as OW ?. Well we have LB$ or love bank and also check up on HNHN book or a new one that just start reading FILNSIL. Your posting is also welcome here specially giving some of BS an inside help to understand OP.

Redhat,
Keybridge Center Discussions [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I liked the reference to DC though since that is where I am [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Link is below.<p>http://www.affairs-help.com/cgi-bin/Ultimate.cgi<p>I was married first (my X and I met in the military, knew each other 2 months before we got married, and spent 6 years trying to not rip each others heads off). We were young, dumb and couldn't stick it out (or should I say to stubborn to stick it out). <p>The A happened this past year and has been over for 3 months (no contact). The link above helped me a lot when I ended A with MM. A lot of the BS's from that site mentioned this site and I think it helps being able to discuss all angles of an A and what is going on with the people involved. I do not condone A's, I know it was a mistake and I would not wish that pain on any person again (not the BS, not the WS and not the OP). I am learning more about this site (I also have the book Surviving an Affair and although the site was mentioned in the back, I never came here until I heard about from the posters of the other site).<p>[ November 23, 2001: Message edited by: diamonda ]</p>