Seven months into recovery......H and I played this little stupid game for a month or so after discovery: He was using hotmail and yahoo mail to correspond with OW during affair. I got his passwords from OW's H and went in and changed them so he couldn't go there. He would figure out how to go in and change them back. Then I would go and change them again, etc.... Finally, I told H this was stupid and he said he was only doing it as a game with me. I said "Game Over!". Neither of us will go to either site again and he agreed. Last night I checked his temporary internet files and he had gone to both sites at 1:00am. I know he was just checking to see if she had sent him anything. I don't think there has been any contact since discovery. I have Winguardian but I did not have it activated at the time he was on the computer.<P>My question.....should I tell him I know he went there and betrayed our promise or not? Should I wait and see if it develops further? Does this s**t EVER end???? I would appreciate some unbiased advice. <P>thanks

My advice is that you should question him about it. Ask him if he has checked lately. Give him a chance. But if says no he hasn't - then what? I don't think that you should ignore it. What is Winguardian? Maybe say I noticed that you were on the computer last night. What were you doing up so late? Who knows maybe he will tell you. Monique

Zombie,<P>What stage of recovery are you in?<BR>Are you in Plan A or do you both have a commitment to the marriage? A commitment means that you follow the 4 basic concepts, meeting each other's emotional needs, no lovebusters, rule of honesty, rule of protection.<P>If you are in the commitment stage, then you need to gently tell your husband how it makes you feel when he has contact and when he makes himself available for contact by using those email accounts. Ask him if there is something that both of you can come up with that will protect you from feeling this way. <P>Perhaps creating a joint account or different account, and notifying recipients in your address book of the new email account? or blocking OW's address from accounts?<P>I'm sure if you are 7 months into recovery, and there is a commitment on both sides to the marriage there is also an answer to this dillemma.<P>But if you are in plan A, and it is a lovebuster to rock the boat so to speak, then stay away from confrontation and your feelings at this point, and continue your plan A.<P>

Remember also the Rule of Honesty ... checking on him behind his back, while providing satisfaction to you, is dishonest. Granted, his checking his email on those sites is also dishonest - but who is more capable of honesty right now? If it is typical "withdrawal" for your H, then YOU are the one most capable of honesty.<P>Calmly tell him you checked up on him because you were feeling insecure, and let him know that you are aware that it was a dishonest thing to do! Also let him know that you noted that he had broken his promise not to go to those email sites, and are feeling hurt because of it. Follow everything that trustntruth has written... she's right on target.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<P>