Sorry I was unable to get back w/you guys, but things took an unexpected turn last night. I actually fell asleep waiting for H and son to come in but instead I got a call from H about 10pm. H was at apt. and said he had sinus cold and that son was already asleep there. Said I could come over and get him if I wanted to. Saw it as a great opportunity to do all I could to show him newer and now 8 lbs. slimmer me, and my committment to plan A now. I got there and brought him some medicine to help his headache. H was very kind and we actually spent some time talking and looking at the lots of pics of disneyworld. Things were going well and one thing and then another. However, H said some things that hurt me to the core. Said I couldn't think of the night as anything but as a one nighter, which I've never had, and shouldn't read anything into it. Also, that H couldn't right now be the man I want him to be and that I married the wrong person. Told him that I won't pretend that I stopped loving him. On the brighter side, H said that he would go to counselor next week and (like I thought) would do something w/me probably next week. H also said that if he can't do something 100%, wouldn't do it at all. Spent the night. Son was so happy to see mommy there the next morning and thought things were going well, despite his words. Then as we were leaving H saw in suv that I was overdue for an oil change (I've been down, sooo far and out of town for the last 2 1/2 weeks)and blew up at me. I cried and asked him to please stop this. To show him I would not take his requests lightly (former LB I would do), I immediately went to dealership and service shop. I was supposed to go next Mon,but wanted to show H that things are definitely different now (his complaints are about the little things--mine his OW). That took until the afternoon and that's why I'm late getting back w/you guys. Came home and son napped. I was crying and shaking so I took meds for when I have these "attacks" and laid down a bit too. Got up and felt horrible. I believe this is how is OW (aka--the monkey ho) should be feeling, not ME THE WIFE. I do not and will not be a one nighter and the comments made me feel cheap. We've always been attracted to each other and physically good together. I keep telling myself that both you guys, MB info and counselor tells me that I should not listen to H. I do believe that WS are quite mad to be able to rationalize like this. It is sooo hard not to take their words personally when they are in the fog deep like this. It hurts so bad. <p>Son is now in what I call "dad withdrawal" now. When son leaves after seeing H, he gets moody and frequently throws temper tantrums--he's 3. Lasts for about 1-2 days. Son won't let me out of his sight. Keeps asking if I am staying w/him. TO ALL WS AND OW AND OM LURKING HERE: YOU ARE NOT ONLY DESTROYING PRECIOUS RELATIONSHIPS HERE, YOU ARE ALSO DESTROYING FAMILIES. CHILDREN CAN HURT AS DEEP AS WE GROWNUPS DO SO THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU LET ANY PART OF YOUR BODY TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR MIND OR SOUL.....<p>About an hour ago, H called to apologize for acting the way he did and wanted to know if I was ok. I was as kind and loving as I could be. Please keep praying for my H, for me, and our son. I thank you for your kindness as you too struggle to try and save both your marriage and family. May God bless you--keep your armor on. I'm sure that mine is too wearing extremely thin now. <p>"Therefore put on the full armor of God so that when the day of EVIL comes you may be able to stand your ground; and after having done everything, to stand."

Hi GAPeach,<p>Glad your son and H made it home safely. Sounds like they had a nice time with Mickey & friends. <p>Your child does feel the hurt, don't hide that from your H. He needs to see the ramifications of his actions. <p>If you can continue to be nice and cordial with him (plan A), then continue. When you are feeling your love dwindle down, make sure you are ready for plan B. Read up on plan B and the sample letters. Have you seen the revised plan A and plan B post on GQII? <p>{{hugs}}<p>L.

Friday morning here. Actually got decent night sleep finally. Son is doing ok. Again, still after effects of the trip and spending time. H did say to me yesterday that son had started crying and asking for me during the last several days of the trip. Maybe now H will have better understanding of how son is affected by this. H read my email to him after calling me about 7:30 last night. I ended the conversation by saying, I miss you and he again said, well I've got to go. That's it. I am not going to phone him, as H has wanted to see some sort of a challenge in me. You're right Orchid. I do need to check out the revised info. I've only been in plan a for about 1 week again, since my miserable attempt at B was foiled by H and my inability to stay away when H called, asked to have lunch on Thanksgiving, etc. Still weak here. I do know that a very strong A must be before the B occurs. Thank you for your advice. I did look my venusian best the other night and was as kind and loving as I could be. What do you do when you are in plan a and separated. How do you be kind and loving at a distance or am I doing the best I can now? I am so confused. Feel like here time basically is stopped. I can't bear to put up the Christmas decor, yet I know it is for my son now. Although in my heart I know that it doesn't matter if you put up anything at all, just if you truly honor and cherish the true meaning of Christmas. I am down, I feel like satan and the Ow have won. That H is not coming back and that all my efforts are fruitless. That I'm one big baffoon. I don't even know if I spelled baffoon right. How do you truly believe that you got your H back? I need more insight, as that I've read your posts, but am not exactly sure to what you have done that could have also helped your good outcome? <p>Later on today, I'm actually going to go out and get my nails and feet done and tonight I'm going to go see a movie w/my son. Know I can't cocoon up here in this big ol' house (It is not a home to me) and be alone, although seeing all the Christmas stuff out when I drive around makes me cry. Heck, I even cried the other day in the grocery store after hearing some holiday songs playing over the sound system. Guess that's a trigger for everyone, huh. I am going to attempt to do as you all and counselor told me to take everything one day at a time, even one hour and one second at a time now. I do think catalog and internet buying will be my mode of choice when shopping this year. The good Lord has carried me through so much these last 2 years from my son being sick, to my dad's death to now. Think I'm just too weak from all the stuff that's accumulated in my life. Just like a person drowning, I at some point could be able to swim up to the surface, seeing the light, and when I surface, another giant wave would just crash on top of me sending me down under again. That is only way I can describe my life. My mom and another lady told me that bad things happen in 3's (silly superstition). This should be the last one at least. I watched the movie, Bridget Jones' diary the other night and feel just as she did and am afraid that should I end up alone that I would become a spinster who dies alone and ends up being eaten by hungry dogs. It's a great movie, especially w/all of us who have struggled with A's and betrayals. However, it is extremely funny w/a good ending. Bridget actually does fall in love w/the truly nice guy at the end. <p>Sorry for the rambling, but I do not have, let's face it, real adult conversation around here. I'm alone, living in a strange city, w/about 3 friends here period. I have some of "acquaintenances" but not those I'd share my innermost feelings or troubles. I do go to a church here w/my son. On bright side, did notice at H's apt. that pics of our son were everywhere and even son's stuff he made for us at church. Also, H took down the magnet from the monkey-ho's sales line off of his fridge. The night before son and I left to go home, I mentioned to H that I didn't like the magnet and couldn't believe that he put it up there. Microscopic victory but none here to truly account for. In a way, wish H had just moved his stuff out from here and not let all his stuff stay. So many memories and even when I look at the new furniture we bought, I see broken dreams. All he took was his clothes. Apt. is furnished. Counselor says that if H was wanting a D he'd have served me by now and that if he truly wanted to leave he'd never have gone w/o furniture. Tomorrow will be sad again. I keep remembering that H had told me in October that he was wanting to come home Nov. 1st. Tomorrow is Dec. 1st and I secretly held hope here. H did have his phone service cut off though. I do not know what this means. I should say that I am making a conscious effort NOT TO THINK ANYTHING ABOUT IT as I'm in A and NOT EXPECT ANYTHING AT ALL. <p>Sorry for the long post buds, but I've got alot of hurt inside me after the other night w/H. I do think I did the best I could. At least H called and apologized and asked if I was ok. That's me again trying to read something more and now I'm going to write or self talk this stupid behavior I have out of me.<p>May God bless you today and have a good weekend. You are in my prayers. Thank you for praying for us. That is the greatest gift you could give to a friend.

Oh, I just want to pass on my true and warmest thanks to Orchid, redhat, conqueror, morriggs. You guys have given me and shown me uncoditional love and kindness and we have never met. I want to email you, but as you know, H hijacks my email on a regular basis. I try to count my blessings each day and you are now among them. Thank you and also look for the blessings God showers down on your today and this weekend.

Peachy,<p>We are here to lend a shoulder and along the way also heal our wounds as well. Some of us in worst condition than you, some of us on the way to recovery, but definitly faith and Will of God that we found this MB. I think this MB keep many of us "sane".
The only reason to get a "volunteer job" is to get you out of the house and get you back to eastablish new freinds, your social life. Get out of the house and spend it w/ your son - indoor/outdoor park, some time get a baby sitter and give yourself a break too.
Actually, I also beleive [censored] never come alone ... most of the time comes in trios. This M problem is the last of my trios, I don't forsee that I will get new hit otherwise I would not be able to handle it.
You should get an email account with yahoo or hotmail, just to give some feeling of control back in your life. This way you could keep contact w/ your freinds back in the hometown w/o being "watch". Baby steps but it will help you a lot in breaking the dependency.<p>The hardest part of plan A is ignoring the rejection or no reactions. It is like throwing a stone in the river but if you keep doing it and throw enough stones you will be able to build a way to cross it.<p>Hang in there ... and get busy.

Hi Peach!!!<p>Well, you sound stronger but still have a ways to go so here's a few more suggestions....... to help fill your time, either spend it with another family or friend(s) or you can share it with another mom on her own. Maybe helpful for you to have someone to chat with. You will be surprised where your support can come from. <p>Focus on your positive accents. Yes you will have down days, expect that but then you can also be prepared. <p>Redhat, trouble in trios? Hmmmph.... I wish, mine come in dozens and in multiple baker dozens at that!!! LOL!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Nonetheless, we will survive. <p>Take Care,
L.

I'm sorry you are going thru this, but I just do not understand. I can see wanting to save the marriage, but when does one come to the conclusion that trying to do so is destroying you. You say yourself that your own H calls you a one night stand. What more do you need? It's not you, it's him, he has problems and he'd have them with or without the OW. What are you hanging on to? He sounds emotionally abusive to me and you just keep allowing him to do it. And what kind of an example is this for your child. Why not muster up the strength to say ENOUGH and create a stable environment for your son. Have respect for yourself and MAYBE your H will come around, but if he doesn't, why would you want him? Why are you doing this to yourself.

To Bonniebb:<p>Please do not enter any more of my posts. Attack elsewhere or shut up. I am and have not attacked you, but am doing so now b/c I don't think you should be here giving such negative and sad advice when you never post or give input as to who YOU ARE. Personally, I do not want to chat w/you ever again. Lots of WS lurk here and they are negative as you are. Don't offer advice if you are not wanted. I have attempted to make friends here, not come in contact w/those who make my life more difficult. If you had read any of my posts, you would also know that I'm doing a good job, as best as I can, as a single mom, and my H doesn't see son that often. Please, go somewhere else. I will not again ever respond to you.

I am new to this thread, but am in a similar situation. My husband filed for divorce about 2 months ago, and I moved back to my hometown (330 miles away) with our two daughters to be closer to friends and family. We were living in his hometown, and I had no family and very few friends. I am sure there is someone else in his life, but I don't know who.
We've been apart almost 6 weeks, and initially I didn't expect to hear from him, but he called 3 days after I had left. I truly thought my marriage was over, after battling for 3 years in the flesh. Then I came across a website called restorem.org (please go there after reading this post, it will change your life). I read the testimonies of how God had healed and restored troubled marriages, even those who had already divorced. After three weeks of separation I was ready to return home to my husband, to make things work. The only problem I have now, is finding a job back in his hometown. I have had a few interviews, and am waiting on a response.<p>I have not frantically called my husband to see what he is doing, or to check up on him, instead, I pray and journal daily, and I draw my strength from the Word and the "God can and will restore your marriage" handbook, which you can order off the restorem.org webite.<p>Things are looking good for you. But, I would advise you to be as available to your husband as much as possible. Let him see the changes in you. NEVER argue with him, always agree. And, one of the important things I've learned from this handbook, is not to get an attorney. I know this goes against what others have said, but trust in the Lord and He will provide you with what you need-do not trust in man!<p>I look forward to interacting with you on this board, and keep up the good work!

Well your words do not hurt me, I just honestly feel badly for you that you put yourself thru this torture. I wish you'd worry about saving yourself and not your marriage. It sounds so sad and destructive. I wish better for you.

Will get to you Sebra later tonight, I'm actually going out w/my son to eat and take him to a movie. I do not intend my words to hurt anyone, but when a stranger comes onto this thread and IS saying things about me that they truly know nothing about, and when those words written to me ARE HURTFUL, I will answer and will do that strongly. <p>Sebra, I will check that site later on tonight after son goes to bed. I'm not exactly some kind of success story, just in the very middle of the worst kind of muck there is and what is and will be encouraging to you are some of us here who do believe in God's plan and His intended plan for us. We'll try to be here and help you through too. It is hard, b/c we just live each day hour by hour and give over as much of the WS situation over to God. <p>I do have a praise though, H sent me an email today and indeed did say that he wanted to get together w/me next week and talk and do something. H also said how attractive I looked the other night (I've lost weight b/c of stress, and also b/c I joined a gym two months ago. I also have family HX of diabetes and stroke, hence the value of just doing this so I will be here for a good while on God's earth). So he apologized last night and a nice email from him today. H still has not called. H said he wanted to pursue, here's a chance. I am not going to actively "chase" him while whenever he calls or emails, I will respond w/love and kindness. Pure A. Do what you, redhat said, and show interest when he responds kindly. It is hard, but I want to let him do something now. I have appt. to see counselor Monday and she spoke w/me on the phone and was glad to see H at least apologizing. H has an ego (big) and that's a small baby step for him. Know that M is in God's hands, as we are ok financially, but all that I can do, all power I have is to: show him love and kindness (a) when allowed, pray for H, do not LB when given opportunity to put A into action, and give the control over to God. Am powerless to think anything I do will influence WH. I can do things that will help the situation from my side, but he will have to do his part in choosing or deciding. I've made my preference clear and know that God will give me strength and empower me to react to the situation as it resolves. <p>God bless you all, and I'll check in later tonight. Have a good Friday. I'm beginning to think maybe today is the day that the meds have actually begun to work. Do feel a bit "spiffier" than yesterday. I know H is in deep fog. His words were just that--words. I am a good mom, smart, and have been a pretty good wife. Above all, I'm valued by God and loved by Him. H did retract some of those mean words the other night he said, and that's ok by me. Everyone has got to take some baby steps at the start, and that has included me.

NPinGA,<p>I am glad to see you made it back from home safely. I am sorry you are so far from home. I live right outside of Atlanta. This is also not my home but I have lived here 10 years now and have many friends to help me. <p>If you like since I am so close if you would like to email me at volbabie@yahoo.com. I will email you my phone number and you can call anytime you need someone to talk to. I hope dinner and the movie goes well with you and your son. I took mine out last Saturday. The best date [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] I have been on in years. <p>Music

peachy,<p>Glad you are in recovery soo fast considering what happened in the past weeks and look at you ...
I do not intend my words to hurt anyone, but when a stranger comes onto this thread and IS saying things about me that they truly know nothing about, and when those words written to me ARE HURTFUL, I will answer and will do that strongly. ... now take the same attitude but w/o LB, make your point to H whenever he is at his worst behavior.<p> but all that I can do, all power I have is to: show him love and kindness (a) when allowed, pray for H, do not LB when given opportunity to put A into action, and give the control over to God. Am powerless to think anything I do will influence WH.
I can do things that will help the situation from my side, but he will have to do his part in choosing or deciding. I've made my preference clear and know that God will give me strength and empower me to react to the situation as it resolves.
You hold the key to plan A. Let go and concentrate on yourself. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I am proud of you.<p>Remember most men [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] , specially H, will give anything to a wife that is desired by others (the more the better) but ENSURE HIM THAT HE IS THE ONE. The more you are attractive to men and better yourself, pretty, independent, smart ... etc ... the more H will feel the challange that H has to "be nice" otherwise "she will fall for someone else or move on". Tip the balance a bit [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>My WW agreed to go with us for "pick a restaurant night" (family tradition) tonite !!!!. We talk on anything but A for the last 2.5 hours, her top EN is Conversation (way off the chart). I have to go for dinner w/ my family after WW resisted after D-day [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . I will check back in later and I have to catch up w/ my work.

Praise is in store! Looks like my prayers in one case here have been answered! Congrates redhat! Knew you and God could do it. Hope your dinner went well. I also thank MusicMW and will email you later. Truly am not sure what's gone on today, but know that God's been working overtime w/some of us...<p>Took son out to movie. First we went out to eat and then to Harry Potter (again). He loved it..Now finally asleep for over an hour, I'm here to thank you. While I was on my way home, phone showed that H called on caller ID. No message, just that he called. I returned his call and he was sooo asleep. Feel like a jerk, b/c I may have LB by waking him--has to be up early, but was just trying to give him a little sweet talk over the phone. Maybe it did him some good seeing his loving W not home at exactly 10 pm (H called at 10:10). Although I was home shortly after. H was very grouchy and couldn't even say why he called me. <p>Another praise here. A friend from hometown called and said she ran into OW at work. Asked her if she is seeing anyone (OW does not know about our 3rd party friend who relayed info to me and doesn't know about H's A) and she told her NO. When asked before, always gave another answer..the one I hated..No info in last 2 months. How long I don't know. I myself, try not to believe he said/she said stuff but OW had no reason or suspicion to lie to this person. If this is true, which I am going to wait and find out somehow in tactful way when time comes, then hoo ha--party time. The monkey has to find a new banana to play with now.... Ha ...Sorry for the freudian humor there. Did a little dance, saw a flick w/my good date--son and took my meds and hopefully will have a good nights' sleep. Truly afraid to get my hopes up though. Maybe it explains H's behavior and why email sent to OW (from my mailbox and I did not send it--hijack)and why H wants to see me next week? Stop it, stop it, I'm doing it again...READING TOO MUCH INTO THINGS AGAIN...I have again told myself to stop this silly stuff and concentrate on now, not on what could be but now. To amend for my waking him up from what sounded like heavy rem sleep, I sent H kind email and told him that he also looked great other night too. Somehow, even when a tiny wind blows into your sails, you can continue on your journey with hope. Thank you for your continued prayers as God is moving in our lives. Remember, I pray for you too. Are any of you night owls out there tonight? I'll hang on a little while longer before the med does its magic...<p>Oh, I liked harry potter. Refreshing to see a movie w/no cursing, no s*x, and not terribly bad violence. Especially liked the good vs. evil concept and how evil is defeated by good. Great quote from the professor, Dumbledore, in movie about like this, "does no good to dwell on dreams, when there is life to carry on with." or something like that. That is what I am trying especially not to do. To dissect every word and nuance H does or says for my soul to be at peace and my family restored. I have to live now, in the present, not the past, and give it all over to God. Relinquishing the power is sooo hard. But what choice does a wise person have? To sit and vainly just hope for things and want them to happen or to do just what you actually have the power to do and give what you CANNOT do over to the Almighty? <p>God bless you. Keep the Armor of God on and continue your fight another day.

You are right peachy, a bit wind could carry us along way. I am just back from family dinner, WW looks unsure and delay a bit but she came along. Her cell phone rang but she didn't pick it up ... no one else but OM. We have nice dinner, my 2 D, specially the oldest was very happy and I have to go to bathroom to wipe my tear out for her. We just talk about nothing. Tonite she stays home and I take what I can get. I guess for a moment her fog lifted up, thanks for your prayers. I am pretty sure she saw what she missed, part of a family.<p>Be patience with H, if he is not seeing OW for that long H might be in withdrawal. Be there and be strong, ... give H a call in the morning and be sweet for him being a good boy [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] LOL !!! ... yet continues to make him off balance w/ your actions, let H know what is your schedule for the day and let him to join you if he want to. Dumbledore is a wise man, world will be much simpler if we all have a child like mind.<p>I am praying for your days to come, hope there are more clear days lifting up H's fog.<p>[ December 01, 2001: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

Hello. Good afternoon. I am doing ok and am hoping one of my friends will come and visit tonight. Son has slight head cold so we won't be going out to see an adult movie tonight and get a babysitter. She and I will probably sit around and watch a pay per view movie. Son was in her wedding and was the most hilarious ring bearer. No word from H. I will try to call him though. Not sure how, but either my email to him got messed up somehow, or he never got it. I can't find it in the mail file cabinet. Oh well. I will attempt another good A today somehow. Still not sure what is going on and am simply trying to forget that info I got. Not yet able to validate so just giving that over to God too. Feel bad today. Dec. 1st and H was supposed to move home Nov. 1st. <p>Somehow, I'm praying for God to give me the strength to in the next week or so be able to actually attempt to put up some Christmas decor to make things more cheery for son. Maybe this next week will bring a little more clarity for me. I don't know. I want to believe that things are moving in the positive direction but so very hurt and scared by all that has happened that I am like the deer in the proverbial headlight. So, I shall wait on God and give this a bit more time. I do feel however, that I'll be all used up w/my LB before March 1. Kind of an invisible day, but in my head. <p>Glad to hear, redhat, that you almost had a totally fog-free evening out w/W and D's. Sorry to hear that her phone rang, but it rang and no answer right? If she were just going along w/family dinner to just look like the good mommy and b/c of only guilt, she'd have bolted to bathroom or something to return the call. Good sign. Let OM get her voice mail for a change. Let him see how the other side of the fence feels and it ain't good...Hope you guys had a lovely evening together and I know that you did all you could do to make it lovely. Must admit, my hat's off to you, redhat. Did get a call today from someone who did business w/H. H gave our home # as the home number where to reach him or his cell. Hmm. HELP, I'VE GOT TO STOP THIS SUPPOSING. Supposing can make a person go mad. You can suppose that a meteor is going to crash into your subdivision, you can suppose that you could win the lottery, you could suppose that you will be eating at Burger King and be discovered by a Hollywood talent scout for no apparent reason at all, but let's face it...Wondering and wishing are just that. I can't control it. God does. Guess this is my other biggest struggle, except for the Christmas decoration aversion, that I'm facing other than this M crisis. <p>Read some other posts last night and have a clue as to ID of someone on Gen ? II. Name is a fake name given to a character from Seinfeld. Character in fact used the name as an alias when he "pretended" to be someone else--do you see maybe what you guys have thought now? Guess b/c of my situation and its utter awfulness that I got upset and did sure think that someone was also lurking here for reasons other than restoring his relationship. Gave my two cents and some kind words but sure hope someone actually figures out who this guy is so that they can send him a book or something...HNHN or LMBT? <p>I prayed for you guys today and want you to know that I do believe that maybe it is a combo of faith + meds = feeling a little better? So thank you for your prayers from the bottom of my soul. I do believe that although I'm trying my best not to get so involved in this what iffing thing yet do with all my heart and soul believe that God is moving in my life and H too. Please, pray for me and son, but especially for H too. So much seems to be hanging in the balance right now and let's hope that just a few more prayers will tip the scales in the direction of healing our family. God bless you and keep the armor on.

Hello. Late afternoon here. Did speak w/H and he was nice, but was unsure of why he called me. I gave him a message, and then told him I sent him an email and to read it. There was a problem w/his computer and he hadn't been able to read them so I had to re send the new one. I was kind and did the best I could. Told him I was happy to speak w/him and invited him to call to talk tonight. Again, told him I missed him. H knows my heart. Maybe this is a disadvantage, but I would be a liar if I didn't say it or denied it. Getting kind of down now. H just got off phone and acted distant after I ended call with "I miss you". Did hurt. Oh well, H hasn't called me for nothing specific in quite a while. Will try not to READ ANYTHING OR EXPECT ANYTHING. I am going to sign off soon and get to doing my daily pray thing--usually in kitchen or great room on my knees. Hope your day is going well. God bless you and thank you for your prayers. We sure do need them. <p>I am down and will be home tonight. Will check in various times to see who's here tonight. God bless.

you did good ga! just be polite when you do talk to him and pray in the meantime. i get such a peace knowing that I have God on my side.<p>This website and the restore marriage ministeries are really getting me through.<p>you mentioned march 1 in an earlier post, what is that date? your husband and you are just separated right? no divorce has been filed.<p>keep praying and i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as well.

Actually, if you read earlier posts from me you'll know I did file but did not follow through w/process--stopped it. H has been gone since Aug. H hasn't read my email yet, but hope he does soon. No change here so to speak since yesterday, although H did call earlier as I said and well, really said nothing much just called and not sure why. My one friend who did move here came over and she and I and son went to Chick fila drive thru and to movie rental and we watched goosebump movie w/son. She just left to go back home-one hour drive. The burbs are sooo spread out where I live. Will try to go to restorem, but the deadline I mentioned is more for me than him. This situation has drug on and off w/this OW for a year. Praying for wisdom and a positive change. My other good friend here is one who prayed w/me and she said that I should stop process of D . That I should give this some more time and be still and wait on God. Yes, we should do that but still understand that we do have limits to what we can emotionally and physically endure. God bless and talk to you all later...

i agree with your friends, i would never advise anyone to file for a divorce-even in cases of adultery. i was mislead into believing that you could divorce your spouse for adultery, however, after reading carefully, matthew 19:9 clearly states that FORNICATION (sex before marriage, when discovered by husband on date of marriage or shortly after marriage consummation) is the only "spiritual" grounds for divorce. and furthermore, the passage goes on to say that even if a husband divorces his wife and marries another woman, he commits adultery and if someone marries the divorced wife, she commits adultery-so God clearly is not an advocate for remarriage to anyone other than FIRST spouse.<p>Also, read the book of Hosea, it is a beautiful story of how God wants us to forgive our unfaithful spouses not divorce them.<p>You are keeping me encouraged, and I will continue to pray for you and the others, as I hope you all will continue to pray with me.