As a continuation to my story,the quick update--WS is living in apartment for a "90-day" separation to work on things. Prior to this, she told me it was over. I never really bought it. Wednesday night, I had what I felt was a moment of truth--I knew I was going to get a sign that it wasn't over. Amazingly, Thursday the cell bill came in. Oh the phone numbers of OM rolled--the fact that I stopped checking this really got to me.<p>She came by the house to watch 9 y/o son while I attended a birthday dinner and I called her on it. She told me that last week she told OM that it was over and the reason she had moved out was to clear head and come to conclusions etc. I told her that she may as well tell the truth since the phone bill comes in three more weeks. <p>She has been relentless the past couple of days saying no contact. She invited me over to her apartment for my favorite, lasagna, on Sunday when I drop 9 y/o off. While this invite was before confrontation on A, she's still on for it.<p>The past week I got really resourceful and finally starting digging up who OM is, where he lives, where he works etc. Drove by his house this morning to see if her/Our car was there. NOpe.<p>I'm going into lunch tomorrow as a hopeful, compassionate, and insanely loyal spouse. I know if the situation was reversed she would have filed, kicked me out, made a big scene about it etc and I guess that's even more frustrating. That's probably a common thread. . .<p>I appreciate all the replies and everyone's advice. This place is keeping my sane. I've fought off the urge to get antidepressants just because--I truly cherish the opinions and experience everyone brings to the table. I do my best to post replies that I think I can share a bit of wisdom with and can hopefully post great success stories. <p>Patience is an excellent virtue--thanks to those who have diligently reminded me of that. Having laid claim to the title of World's Most Impatient Human, this has been exhausting and maybe will help me be more patient in other areas of my life.<p>Thanks,<p>guido

Bravo Guido. You are on the money my man. Read my vent on gen q 2. I am here and post on a b too. No you are not impatient. You are totally normal and feel like anyone else here. Incidentally, antidepressants do not get rid of anger or all of depression. Know from personal experience now. They just keep you from going totally nuclear and having a get in the bomb shelter now kind of meltdown. I felt your angst in your post and being that I feel that angst now too, I know how hard it was to hold back when you want to rip. But, suddenly I've learned something and a light has came on. OW gets her way by not showing her deck of cards and being level headed. She has nothing to lose. Your W's OM is the same. Got nothing to lose. Remember that when you react. Their actions should warrant nothig less than a dignified and caring response, yet keeping yourself in a good light. Think like how would an elected official act when confronted with a negative comment, action or remark? Spin baby. A good reaction gives you confidence and respect. Spin. That's what I am doing.

guido,
I never buy that 90 days thing ... Don't get shock if you see OM numbers in next month's bill. However she will be smarter next time not to use her cell phone. The only thing that you could learn from this is that if you snoop and found out something, keep your mouth shut. You use the info. not to confront or make them "look bad" ... you are the bad one, revealing their lies !. Doesn't help and close your way of monitoring your plan A progress. My WW did not know that the cell bill detail was sent by mistake since many month ago. I always intercept it and pull it out before she get it. Also I get to see the bill online too, I registered it as my back up.<p>WW is in the fog and nothing you could do. Work on your plan A and pretend you are the World's dummiest spouse. The more you push it the more adreneline rush they get from it. If you stop they will wonder what is the "reason" they have A ?.

Good advice from redhat. Unfortunately some of us, me excluded, get to be pros at being, well kind of slick. Other good advice that's worked for me. Don't snoop. They use it against you. Use mental ju-jitsu. Use their own actions against them. Hint: W will probably either start using a paid for card (if long distance) or as my H did, have the cell bill sent to his work. Funny, but courts can subpoena them. Sooner or later they get caught. When you do find something, act terribly surprised and like you can't believe what happened. Actually, this did happen to me this week when I found monkey's luggage tags on my son's luggage. Knew H did not do it, but the monkey ho did deliberatly so I would find it and know her presence. Oh, what a woman...Just remember, do what redhat did. Do not appear to be snooping. How dare us reveal their lies, inconsistencies or exaggerations? We love them (our spouses, not the others)and they do not know what they are doing, or are so self absorbed temporarily that they can't see for themselves right now. <p>Yes, redhat I am in an extremly cynical mood tonight. Why? Because I have had 2 nights of almost no sleep after finally facing the fact that I AM EXTREMELY ANGRY AT THE MOST WICKED BETRAYAL MY THIRTY YEARS HAVE SEEN. Tired angry and sorry of being the 24/7 mom unless wayward daddy wants a vacation and his conscience hurts b/c he hasn't seen his son in over 2 weeks....

Must restate this. I am extremely blessed by God to be the mom of the most incredible little boy in the world, to me,. I just get burned out. My situation is like this. I stay home, I don't LB and when I see H I try to not at all LB. When I go out w/one of my few girlfriends here, H gets all Perry Mason on me and accusatory. Do I do anything that would make him have just cause for accusal? Nope. But that does kinda be a LB to him. I am sick of being damned if you do and damned if you don't. Almost like this, well, just be content a while longer and let him just keep his faith and trust impeccably in me, don't LB, let him hijack my emails and voicemails. H actually said the other night that I must have gotten "revenge" on him by doing something somehow. Nope. Don't want to. Can't possibly think I would want him back for him. Said it must be about money (good job) or his looks (is very cute) or b/c it would be too hard for me to be single again. Nope. I miss the man I married, the man I thought was my best friend. Realize that he isn't, though attempting to get him to be just that again. <p>Realize now that the clock's struck midnight that it is Sunday now here. I need to thank God for the fact that H made a step forward towards reconciliation this week and towards just trying. I do have alot to be thankful for. I am also thankful to God for non-judgemental and supportive friends who pray for me. Thank you and God bless you tonight. You will also be prayed for. Put God's armor on and get up and face Sunday with a smile. Go to His house tomorrow--He always enjoys your company or pray. Gotta say that. Always have somehow a thankful heart and spirit.