SEBREA,<p>I saw you posting today
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>... I've been busy too. This weekend went back to husband's hometown, and had another interview, I pray it works out. Husband said he wasn't sure he wanted me to stay this time at the house, so I got a hotel room. He wanted to go out Saturday night, so I came and got the kids and didn't say a word, just thanked him for spending time with them. About 2 am he came to the room where me and the kids were and spent the night. Sunday, we went back to the house, were intimate, and he took me to lunch. I noticed that I am looking at him as more of a friend than my wayward husband, so many times I wanted to ask the question or I would notice things around the house that made me suspicious, but I asked God to refrain my tongue, and He did. When I left, we hugged. I am sure he is seeing someone else, but I am glad that he isn't so involved that he doesn't want to spend time with me or be intimate with me.<p>When I got home, I had a notice about a certified mail from his attorney about the D. I didn't get to upset, and told husband that I would trust him in his dealings. He didn't even know they had sent me something.<p>This morning he sent me an e-mail saying he wanted to discuss the kids and other issues. I called him at work to find out what was going on, and he got upset. I am so worried, what does he want to talk about? It's like when were together he's lovy duvy, but when I leave, he's angry man again. Hopefully, we can move soon so that I can be available to him when he needs me. ...
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I am glad that your weekend went well and you did a very best plan A. However, be carefull SEBREA, you have to get an attorney just to see if you are short change and actually protect him too. When WS is in the fog, you better believe what they could do ... they will regret it later the same way about the A ... but for now he is possesed !!!. Just look at my case. Before D-day she told me regular fogese line ... need space, just be friends, and so on, get a Dv then see if we are meant for each other. She wants me to move out from the apartment (we stayed in apartment complex that we own), "give it" to the girls she said. Thanks to the Lord I found her A. I almost fall for it, I am pretty sure OM is coaching WW, he is 2x failure (Dv) and living with his grandma ... LMAO!. You know if I have done that, I gave up my work for OM ????. Nope, I told her, you want Dv ... we do it by the law. 50-50. I will give it to my D my part but under my term and I have to protect it first. I have yet to see Dv papers !. She could actually walk away with very handsome money, 6 unit apt in SF plus her retirement account, but I guess OM is greedy and using her. The bait that I use while I am plan A'ng her is giving her hope that I will walk away and she get her wish. I am buying time 'till A dies.<p>Could you stall Dv ?. Could you just move back into your house ?, use your Venusian !. Don't worry about LB or not LB on this one, H will get over it.

redhat, thanks for your concern. as far as the D goes, I'm leaving it in God's hands. I pray every night that my husband's heart will turn and that my marrigage and family will be restored. God has been blessing me, my husband has not been late on one CS payment, and has even been giving me MORE than what he is entitled to. When going through trials like this, you must be careful. I've realized that my husband's ego is extremely fragile and he does not want to be controlled or manipulated by me ANYMORE! I will not force myself into our home, I don't want to live with my husband until he is ready, or else we will go back to the same old unfillfilled, miserable relationship.<p>My faith is increasing, and my hope is, too!<p>Thank you all for your concern and support.

Then I pray for your faith and deliverance and let H see your faith and grace. Amen.

Sebrea,<p>Just wrote a hi and a bit to you in my post today. Please listen a bit to redhat. He has some very good ideas. What you get when you visit various methods of marriage repair is just that. Different methods. The restorem ministries is one, and marriage builders is another. There is the Dobson approach. There is my counselor's approach--marriage builders + faith and a bit of Dobson. Please, I pray, be very careful right now. When you get a job, you may find you will not get as much CS or money. That is one reason you need at least to consult w/an attorney, paralegal, mediator, etc. You do not have to take action, but find out if what h is doing is fair or proper in his treatment to you and the kids. Go back into your house. It is yours and your children. Even the court system would probably see it that way. I also am praying God will restore your marriage. He knows that you are loving and faithful. Delay the Divorce. Stall. Redhat is right. Please attempt at least to get some other input from a professional to decide which approach is really best for you. You post here, but which marriage builders principles are you applying? I feel this approach is also congruent w/my spiritual beliefs. Please, at least, ask your pastor or elder. You and your marriage and kids are always remembered in my prayers. Please know that? ok...Be strong and of a good courage in the Lord for this is right....

Thanks peach,<p>I know I responded earlier, but as far as applying MB principles, I am somewhat uneasy about the Plan A/Plan B. I come to this sight for encouragement and to get ideas, but I find applying the biblical principles at restore ministries is more effective. I find a peace knowing that God is on my side. I don't have the urge or desire to call and check in on my husband, or snoop around to find out what is going on-as others suggest. I am patiently waiting on the Lord to do with my life as he will. I believe that this trial is God's way of making me stronger, and it is.<p>When I have consulted with counselors, pastors, and elders in the past, they look at my marriage and say "get out" or "if he's cheating, you can leave" many marriages have been destroyed by "Christian" counselors because people think that they are right, and instead of trusting in God they trust in man. What better counselor can I have besides God? Besides, an attorney will not give legal advice for free, it's costly, money I would rather spend in other ways.<p>Thanks again for your prayers, my family and marriage needs them. I fast on Tuesday and Thursday and pray for all of the broken homes and marriages in this nation.<p>May God be with you.

Just food for thought ... abridge & modify version of sermon that stick on my head (from my pastor back in my country, on my youth year) ....<p>There is a flood in a small town in midwest, a huge flood that cover the whole town and high to the roof. There is a pastor that hanging on the Church Tower and praying hard for God to save him. First rescuer is a neighbor that has a motor boat, the pastor rejects it and send the neighbor away and still pray hard for God to save him. Second rescuer is a local fireman, again the pastor refuse to be help and send the fireman away. The third rescuer is a SAR helicopter since the dam up river will break very soon and will wipe out anything on its path. Again the pastor refuses again and keep praying. The flood claims the pastor life.<p>Up in Heaven the pastor ask The Lord, why he is in Heaven, not being rescue on earth while there are so much work to do there. The Lord told the pastor, I want you to stay actually, I sent for you 3 times and you choose to stay.<p>Our God works in HIS WAY, HIS TIME AND HIS WILL. Yes, we need faith to pass through this storm in our life w/o it we will be lost and suck up in our WS's fog. I am afraid that you put your trust in your H, deep in his fog, not in HIM and you want it your way not HIS WAY. We have faith. We are Christian. But we are not fools and we have to protect our self from our WS's selfishness.(read Psalm) You need someone who understand legal term to look over the document, not to contest it but to make sure you are protected. You loose nothing if H is doing what is best for your interest but you loose a lot if he is not.<p>Please forgive me to tell you this story. I have close the matter with prayer for your faith and deliverance in above reply but you knock the door again. I compelled to tell you.
Amen<p>[ December 11, 2001: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>