Ahhhh, a chance to illustrate the Policy of Joint Agreement... <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>David was invited to a church party on New Years Eve, and I also asked him to come here. He is torn, because he doesn't want to hurt his friends feelings (the man who brought him to the church in the first place) but he knows it is a sore point with me. He has asked my advice. What do I say to him? (By the way, I told him to do what he thought was right, it was up to him. I did say I wanted him to be here, but it was totally up to him).<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>David has two "conflicting" invites. You've said that you "want" him to be here, but it was totally up to him. What the heck does that mean??? The way that I, typical male, would interpret that statement is:<P>It's totally up to you... BUT if you make the wrong decision, there will be HELL TO PAY!!!<P>Will you be disappointed if he doesn't come over?? If you will, then you MUST say so. The rule of honesty really is there so that you don't "swallow" your feelings, and build up resentment that the other spouse may have little clue about.<P>I'm assuming that you want to spend New Year's together. So, practice "brainstorming"...<P>1. You could attend the church party with David.<P>2. David could attend the church party for a while, and then go over to your place.<P>3. You could both go out to dinner prior to the church party, and then he could go to the church party (maybe with you, maybe w/o)<P>4. You could find a "different" party to attend together.<P>The way the rule of Honesty and the POJA work is that you need to state your FEELINGS about something clearly so that your spouse understands.<P>If you want to spend New Year's with David, you need to say so.<P>If you absolutely cannot go to the church party, you must say so.<P>And then you hear his position, and work the compromise...<P>You already knew thatSheryl---so give it a try!<p>[This message has been edited by K (edited December 30, 1999).]

Sheryl,<P>You are sounding more and more like the Sheryl I first met, and not the Sheryl that's been talking the last couple of months.... I think you handled New Years Eve problem perfectly. You've said enough, now wait and see what he chooses! In no way measure the love of your husband by what he chooses, okay? on the goal on the goal on the goal!!!!!<BR>tnt<P><BR>"Patient Love" is Nicole, married to Being a better Arik, and they are currently dealing with discovery and plan A. "Patiently Waiting" is who posted on this thread. I think Patiently Waiting has some "practical plan A" questions too! <P>Dear Patiently Waiting,<P>Be careful not to compare who is hurting more, or who is more right and who is more wrong with your wife. Bottom line is, it doesn't matter who was wrong or who was right, and we don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater.<P>In plan A, unfortunately, the plan A'er does the work. It's kind of a servant leadership thing, I guess. <P>It is frustrating and depressing. We all hit those points. Sometimes it seems we only run into brick walls. But other times, if we look hard enough - we will find little ways to measure progress.<P>You hang in there. You've got a lot going for you, and we are there to help.<BR>tnt<BR>

Sheryl,<BR>I like K's answer on New Years Eve better....<BR> <BR>Connie<P>Oh, and I heard that terri is throwing a MB New Years Party. That is my back up plan. I'm going to wear the new dress I bought. I hope we don't run into each other on New Years Eve!!! But have a safe and joyous New Year anyhow. And I hope David wants to spend the evening with you.

Yeah, I like what <B>K</B> said too... and guess what? I did make those offers: to go with him (yes, I did, believe it or not) or to have him go for a few hours and then come here. I had to laugh at <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>It's totally up to you... BUT if you make the wrong decision, there will be HELL TO PAY!!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh Lord, you were inside my head!! Yes, that's what I meant... but when all was said and done, I really meant -"Honey, you do what you want to do, and I'll be here in the end" and I <B>did</B> say that. So see? I'm not such a bad student after all .<P><B>Connie</B>, Honey, you wear that new dress and you'll look BEAUTIFUL... if David doesn't come, I will be furiously writing in my journal, making plans for the next year, playing with my clay and watching silly movies with our son (which is the main reason that I probably can't go with David. Our son is a very awkward situation... 15 yrs. old, has disabilities, no friends, too old to take somewhere, too young "emotionally" to leave home at night at all). I will have fun either way, and as Gloria Gaynor sang in the 70's<P><B>I WILL SURVIVE</B><P>~Sheryl (with a new signature)<P>Nobody knows what you want except you and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don't get it. ~Barry Manilow<P><BR>

A+<P>

My parents used to give me a dollar for every "A" grade...<P>I guess this means that my 'successful' marriage is my payment?? <P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Nobody knows what you want except you, and nobody will be as sorry as you if you don't get it. ~Barry Manilow

Hi<P>Thanks for the good advice and words. I'll get back on line after the holidays are over. I have to work just in case the Y2K bug goes nuts. So have a great new year and I'll be asking for more advise early next year.<P>Thanks Again<P>PW

Hi<P>Thanks for the good advice and words. I'll get back on line after the holidays are over. I have to work just in case the Y2K bug goes nuts. So have a great new year and I'll be asking for more advise early next year.<P>Thanks Again<P>PW