My husband and I are separated. He lives with OMW. My H and I work together; therefore we see each other every day.<p>Today I gave him the mail that came for him at our house. I tlod him today that he looked very nice and he said that same about me. <p>Before I left his cube, he asked me if I was eating well and I replied to him that I was eating the same as usuall. I asked him why he was concern with my eating and he said that I had lost too much weight. I then asked him why does he think that I lost so much weight and he replied: "Because of the problems that we have?". I then said to him: "No it is not because of the problems that we have; it is bacause I need you." He gave me the sadest look. At that moment I left his cube and wnet to mine.<p>Am I doing the right thing by letting him know that he is needed? Or am I pushing it too much?

JMF,
I follows your posting and I am glad finally you see that you should be in plan A. There are a lot of us doing it from far. It is easier for some and difficult for others.<p>Am I doing the right thing by letting him know that he is needed? Or am I pushing it too much?
Yes, you are. You could express your love but not clingy, be honest, just fact and no demand.<p>Very nice first contact. IMVHO, next contact talk about your day or his but no talking about A or emotional about A, unless H bring it up. Increase contact, out of sight out of mind ...

RedHat,<p>Thanks for your opinion, I appreciate it. <p>That is exactly what I have been doing. I always compliment him and then leave. I do not stay in his cube for more than 5 minutes and then I do not talk to him during the rest of the day.<p>I had asked him this morning how his weekend was and he changed subjects; therefore, I didn't ask him again. Obviously, he did not want to talk about his weekend with me so I respected him on that. He did ask me how the company party was (he did not go) and I told him that it was great!<p>Keep me straight Red Hat, I want to do this the correct way.

JMF,
Good work, keep working on the list of issue(s) for your plan A. Also, consider to have conseling with MB, Steve or Jennifer. I want to do my plan A correctly also, I think I know MB pretty much but I still have Steve as my conselor. For opinions and lurking other people experiences I come here but I feel I need a pro. to help me too.

Jmf I am confused shouldn't you be using plan B if he is already living with her shouldn't you be looking for another job completely away from him. These are just my thoughts. I was married 22 years and worked with my x and she was not able to be around me at all<p>[ December 18, 2001: Message edited by: 1021John ]</p>

1021John,<p>Neither my husband or I are in the position of finding another. Are jobs are very secure right now. I am a very strong person and I am able to work and see him every day. I have already tried plan A at home. He knows that I have cahnged tremndously and that is the last impression that he has of me. I started plan B imediatelly after he left and I sent him the plan B letter the next day. After a month of hatred and grieving I have asked God for forgiveness and strength. He has given me both. Now I speak to him ver nicely and do not bring any of the old issues to light. <p>I did find him another job within the Corporation; however, he does not want to leave the position that he has right now. <p>We spent too many years together and I do not want to hold a grudge against him for ever. I am letting God take care of his heart.<p>If you have any other suggestions on how to deal with this situation please let me know. I am very confussed right now and need all the advice I can receive.

JMF,<p>I think you are right in giving him his space, but be careful with your responses. Let him know that he is loved, but that you will allow him to make the decisions regarding your marriage, because you trust him and know he will do what is best. It will floor him, and, do as you are doing, don't linger or ever ask him questions, let him inititiate all conversations.<p>Good job!

Hi Sebrea,<p>Did you receive my e-mail? Sorry, I forgot to call you this weekend; I was very busy! Anyway, thanks for your comments. Next time I speak to him, I will tell him that it is decision when it comes to our marriage.

JMF,<p>I sent you an e-mail, but did not get a response. Let me know if you received it by responding to me via e-mail.<p>Thanks!

jmf thanks for the response, I don't think you are following plan b, no contact at all. I can understand if you can't get other jobs at this time but the purpose of b is to have no contact in order to force the lover to meet all of his needs. In a way if you are friendly or tell him you need him that meets some of his needs. You should be able to find someone to handle the mail issue and keep your contact with him limited to only things that occur at work that you are required. I would also recomend since you are in this predictament that you read the book by John Gray called starting over it helps you heal your broken heart so that you don't feel as nnedy and you begin to move from depression. The best thing you could do now is to show him you are prepared to move on otherwise he has the best of both worlds to live with the lover and know if it fails you are there waiting for him/
Good luck
John

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Bunny ]</p>