Hi - I'm new here but have read many of your posts and feel as if I could have written them. I really think that my situation is at its worst and don't know why I can't just give up hope, but something inside me says to hang in. Please tell me what you all think. Found out about A 3 yrs ago - it was going on for several years. OW is younger and single. H is 50. We are married 30 yrs - I served D papers for second time and D is almost here. After 3 yrs of promises, lies and blaming me for everything, he is now again living with OW for the past year and here is my question. Now that he knows I am serious about going through with D it seems he has come to terms with ending our M and he stopped communicating with me totally. Before he would communicate by being angry at something but three months ago I told him to take the anger somewhere else - and we haven't spoken or seen each other since. This seems like a Plan B because I have never been able to be out of communication with him like this before. But what does it mean that he hasn't even tried to contact me? He seems as if he is content with her and his life and has plans for the future with her. He always felt the need to protect her and didn't want to hurt her because she was the innocent party and did nothing but love him unconditionally and asked for nothing in return. It was I who didn't appreciate him so now it's too late for me! I found out that this is not his first A - he's had so many -but never one like this! This isn't an exit A but seems like it? I know rationally that it's over but in my heart I can't accept it because we seemed so special and our family is so wonderful - I just can't believe he would throw this away. Any opinions or advice - you can be hard on me - I know I will be fine = I just need this to be over - it's been too long! Thanks! Carebear

carebear,
I saw "father of 1, husband of 0" welcome you to MB. Hope you learn more about MB, if not there are some link to make it easier for you at the bottom of my reply.<p>First you have to decide if you still want to save your M. MB is another technique to save a relation but it is very effective. I have seen it in my own M, my W changed from daily nagging about Dv to calmed down and confused. There is no guarantee it will work but at the end you will have your peace of mind and no second guessing at your decision.<p>There is no plan B w/o plan A and from your posting I do not see you mention about plan A. Being nice and doormat is not plan A all about. Read the link below on Plan A missapplication by Distress. If you want to work on your M; you should stay away from lawyer. My oppinion is for you to lean more about MB inside out (read HNHN & SAA) and then you make a decision if you want to give your last shot. It won't be painless & effortless, as matter of fact it would rock you mentally and physically. If you do I suggest you call MB to get conseling from the prof (if you could afford it). However there are a lot others who are "do it yourself MB'er". We are all here to learn and to provide support for each other. Stop your Dv. & tell your H and open a communication line. Learn about plan A & do it.<p>Good luck.<p>[ December 18, 2001: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

Hi Carebear, <p>How are you doing? Have you been able to read up on anything yet? I understand your gamit of emotions must be running high right now and may even be confused. <p>Please let us know how you are doing. <p>Take Care,
L.

CareBear,<p>How are you doing today?<p>L.

Hi CareBear, <p>It's been a few days since we have heard from you. How have you been?<p>L.