Well group, it sounds like much is happening as we make our way to the end of the year. Here's my Cliff's Notes update and hopefully I can receive some more quality input to maintain my sanity.<p>I spend Xmas eve day with my family then drove 120 miles back to pack up the gifts and go over to IL's, where W and S were spending the night (tradition). Got there about 10:30 and the anticipated party was already over. So, W and I had some drinks and then talked about an email I sent her. <p>Essentially, I poured my guts out and re-hashed what I considered the finer points of our marriage. Also went into the things I did to drive her away. I had to get it all out. She read it, cried and said she printed it out. It was the most painful experience writing that, let me tell you. It hurt big time!!<p>She said that she's "coming around" and it was time for bed. Instead of sleeping with me, she chose to sleep in S's room, saying she didn't feel comfortable yet. OUCH!!<p>Xmas day was nice. Spent most of the time on the couch with her laying her feet on me and rubbing her feet/legs, generally trying to Plan A hard. <p>Last night W came over to put laundry in (she's still in apt). She was eager to talk about work accomplishments and I was eager to listen and give input. I gave her back and neck massage, which she appreciated. I go ready for a shower and she came up in bedroom. "Surviving An A" had just arrived and was on bed. She thumbed through it then came in to hang out while I showered.<p>We all went out to dinner and had a great time--her and I just talking, watching the Bowl game. It was nice. We talked about our upcoming anniversary and also the lease on her apartment. We talked about paying off some bills and I mentioned that if she moved back, a vacation with just the two of us was going to supercede anything. She liked that idea.<p>Overall, I'm having upbeat feelings and continuing with Plan A. However, I know that OM is still calling work and cell phone. Haven't got November/December cell detail but A)--her minutes went down quite a bit, due to what I hope is truths about her breaking it of. B) I'm a realist. I know I'm gonna see his number on the bill. If it shows up at a couple of sore spots, it's going to be really hard for me ie--Xmas, nights we've been out together etc.<p>I sent her flowers at work today, which I had never done. Her reaction was OK. I expected more but maybe I shouldn't.<p>I'm feeling better than last week, but as far as I'm concerned as long as contact is still being made, whether it be phone or not, the A is not over. That's the part that is wearing me out.<p>I don't want to go to Plan B before her "90 days" are up. Actually, since it falls in midmonth, I've asked her to consider, if she chooses to move back, leaving on the 31st of January so we won't have to pay another month of rent--ouch--on her apt.<p>Am I tracking ok, or do I need to make a stand?? I LB'd last week and said that if OM doesn't stop calling that I was going to call him at work and also tell our neighbor, who works with OM. I know that wasn't right, but, I was having a tough time Plan A'ing while he got to do whatever he wished.<p>My thoughts and prayers to all of you, especially Honey--hang in there, girl, you've got sh**loads more patience than I would have shown. Also, thanks to all of you for helping.<p>
Guido

Hi G, <p>Believe or not, I think you are doing fine. I mean if you never ever got upset at the OM, she'd wonder? If you do, she'd wonder....so so what??? <p>You have the right to be upset. You know I eventually learned to tell my H that OW's calls upset me. Hey, we just got one tonight while H was on his way out the door to work. YUCK. I will post that on the GQII thread. <p>Anyway, the great thing is that I am better. I am not upset, I am still shaking a little but H said for her not to call the house phone and he had been avoiding her calls. Dumb bunny. He asked if he was not forward enough and I said if you are talking to a psyco person maybe not. H is very polite on the phone. OW thinks that's her ticket to keep trying. So he needs to toughen up a bit. The last time she called the house, I put her on hold. I was on the phone with SIL and left her hangin'......<p>So in my books you are doing ok. I simply let my H know when I was upset of felt like calling the OW to give her a piece of my mind. Gently of course but firm. Believe it or not he appreciated it. He even said that if she ever did anything illegal to me and I brought charges against her, that she would deserve whatever she got. Hm..... I like that.....that came up because right now my work is investigating some bad e-mails I have been getting and if can be found that she sent them.... well..... just waiting right now. <p>So you take care, K? Keep showing your nice side [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

guido,<p>just a thought, is your W's cell is AT&T ?. They have web site so that you could see the bill online, registered them. It ave you a few days ... my WW found out while I was vacationing about the detail bill that AT&T send her (she asked them to send only summary but AT&T missed it). She is furious and said that her cell is missing [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] while she is thinking what to do. However I had her cell registered already. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>You be carefull on snooping, never use it to confront her.<p>[ December 29, 2001: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

No, it's not ATT, it's another top 5 company--she works for them too. I have access to the detail online, she knows all about it. At this point, she can either tell me why there is contact (if there is, which I'm still waiting for the cell billing cycle to bill out), or continue with the "it's over" thing. Either way, if there is ANY contact, the A is still on. <p>I know that you really can't push them into no contact until they are ready to move in or work on the marriage, but I feel as though she is getting close to that step. <p>We shall see. Going to BIL's 40th B-day tonite. I wasn't planning on going but MIL game me some good natured razzing. She also said she talked to my W and that W said "things were looking better". Oh, how I hope that's true.<p>Guido [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]