My MIL Samantha said that I probably should let you guys know that I am new here.<p>My husband (24), obviously Samantha's son, told me on his birthday, October 16th, that he didn't want to be married any longer. Said there was no one else, just not happy. That evening I found e-mails to the OW and later that week for naked pictures of the OW on the digital camera. H got physical with me, I got scared for my safety and that of my 3-year old daughter's, and felt forced to move out of my home. I moved out within 2 weeks of D-Day.<p>Since then, my H and I have been on again / off again with the hopes of rebuilding our marriage. When the OW and her BF are getting along, our relationship does great - when the OW and her BF are doing bad, our relationship suffers. I have met the OW and H insists that there is nothing physical going on, but believe the amount of time spent with the OW is causing an emotional affair. <p>The OW is 19 years old and I believe to be quite immature, she wants us to be friends. The 3 of us have had dinner together and OW has watched our daughter while H and I have gone out and spent time together. H insists that I accept his friendship with her or I will be out of his life completely, he has even gave his mother the same ultimatum - accept OW or lose him.<p>I am trying to decide whether to Plan A or Plan B, even though it's been a short amount of time, H has requested a long break from each other.<p>I will be posting mostly on the Plan A/B board.

emerald,<p>I assume you have read about MB, if you are not please follow the links on my sig. Welcome to MB.<p>Does he open to counseling with MB ?. If he does then stick with it until either Steve or Jennifer tell you otherwise.<p>Does OW's BF know the extend to H's A ?.<p>I would not let my kids being care for or close to OM. There is a boundry that you have to draw.<p>IMVHO, you review your plan A. Do you know what his issues with this M ?. Did he acknowledge your changes ?. Does he beleive the changes is becoming a habit ?. Could you take it being a doormat until A dies ?. H want to have the cake and eats it too. You should also read "Love must be tough by Dobson". If you think in your A you did not provide the environment for H to have A the consider "tough love" approach or plan B. Let H lives his dream and wait until A dies.<p>You are the one who could decide. good luck

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>IMVHO, you review your plan A. Do you know what his issues with this M ?. Did he acknowledge your changes ?. Does he beleive the changes is becoming a habit ?. Could you take it being a doormat until A dies ?. H want to have the cake and eats it too. You should also read "Love must be tough by Dobson". If you think in your A you did not provide the environment for H to have A the consider "tough love" approach or plan B. Let H lives his dream and wait until A dies.<hr></blockquote><p>
Redhat, thank you for replying. The bold areas in your quote, I don't quite understand what you are saying. He has not relayed to me the issues that he has with our M except for the fact that we have been together since high school, he doesn't have the same feelings for me, and I believe blames me for everything he missed out on because of me. Not that we had the perfect marriage - we were not getting along, there were financial problems because he's not working, and other stresses including I felt like he would rather be with anyone else but me, which led to low self-esteem and jealousy on my behalf.<p>I have felt like the doormat for the past 3 months - the OW always seems to come before me, which hurts even more. He told me today that he loves me and doesn't know how to live without me, though continues A with OW, and I have been living elsewhere for 3 months. I continue to make all his phone calls for him, take care of his sick leave forms, and anything and everything he asks me to do to keep his affairs in order.<p>[ January 11, 2002: Message edited by: emerald ]</p>

emerald,<p>It takes two to screw up marriage. It might be ignorant, like in my part, there are some issue(s) that BS contributed to the environment that lead to A. Mine is angry outburst ... WW kept pushing my hot buttons. Too bad my school didn't offer LB$ courses.<p>You might fails (maybe) to admire him, complement the little thing that H does. Help to boost his ego.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>Not that we had the perfect marriage - we were not getting along, there were financial problems because he's not working, and other stresses including I felt like he would rather be with anyone else but me, which led to low self-esteem and jealousy on my behalf.</strong><hr></blockquote>
Same thing here, stale M and my WW is looking for more but too bad she venture outside. I fails to help her to feel comfortable when she stops working.<p>H is waffling, that is good. You want them to be that way, stay confused, in/out the fog. Stay in plan A. It is hard but you have to express that you do not condone H behavior having A but you love him and willing to wait and hope that you have not moved on when he is back to work on M. Another option is calling his bluff like Z says ... use the "tough love" approach.<p>The choice is yours, you could talk to Samantha to get advice, she is closer in the front line.

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Bunny ]</p>