I have tried plan A and plan B several times. Nothing is working. WS has been living with OMW for two months now and I believe that he is very happy. The problem is that I still love my WS dearly. I am running out of options here.<p>I have been trying to get on with my life and have recently met a wonderful man. We have been intimate twice and my husband found out about about it yesterday. It seems like he has mixed feelings about the whole thing. I guess he thought that I could not find someone else. <p>I talked to him last week and told him to come home and to forget the OW. He said that he could not do that. I also have found out that he has been on a couple of online dating services (?). I asked him about it and he said that he was checking on something. These are on line dating services that have to be paid for; figure that one out. <p>All of our finances are in a shamble. I recently went through our bank statements and figured out that he has been spending over $800.00+ on OW. I am now taking away $1000.00 from our joint account and putting it into my own account. That sent him through the roof. I told him that if he could spend almost a $1000.00 on her and still make our bills, that he would not need the $1000.00 from my check. Now he has to figure out how he is going to support her from now on. I am hoping that this will be LB for them! <p>Here is my biggest problem. I do not know how I feel about this other man and it is driving me crazy and at the same time sad. I do not want to hurt his feelings because he has been extremely nice to me. He treats me like a Goddess. I feel like I do not want to date anyone at all! Yet, I feel so lonely at times. I desperetly need advice here. Has anyone gone throuh this phase? I do not know what to do or what I want from life at this point. Help!!!!!

JMF....<p>you need to do what make JMF happy. Looking at your signature, it seems to me that he can't make up his mind on what he wants to have or do. He comes home....you welcome him back and then a few days later...he is gone again. I know how you must feel, I am going through something similar right now with my W. She wants a divorce, was involved withsome and I think he dumped her, she still wants the divorce, wants me to pay her an outrageous ammount of money ($2200/month) in order to keep the kids. I have been through this a few times with her. I finally have come to the conclusion that I still love her very very much, but I can't be with her right now. I don't have anyone waiting for me, I am not ready to date, I need to make ME happy first. I know in time my wife and I MAY get it together again, but I am not putting my life on hold.<p>With this guy you met, my only advice is love him at arms distance until you feel he is the one you want. There is no good in using "dating" someone to get back at anyone. I have watched enough Brady Bunch episodes to know that is true....LOL. JMF....be yourself, love yourself and demand the same from people around you.<p>
God Bless!

Thanks for giving guidance here defcon888,<p>After going through my depression, tears and having lost 45 lbs (by the way, I look and feel great), I have decided to move on with my life. The problem now is that I do not know what I want. I do not want hurt any one. I talked to this wonderful man yesterday and told him how I felt. He was very understanding. We will continue to see each other; however, slowly. He told me that he was more worried about me getting hurt than the other way around. I do not believe that I am dating him to get back at my husband; I would never do that (even after all the hurt that he has caused me). I thought I was ready to date but, maybe I am not. I feel very lonely and maybe this is the reason why I am going out with him in the first place. I feel sheltered and forget about my problems when I am with him. I know that it is too early in the relationship but, I feel like there is something missing. I am so confused. Like you, I do not think that I can be with my husband right now either. Maybe, God somehow will bring us back together some day; however, now is not the right time.

JMF,
Stay way from all male for right now. We, BS, are very weak in desperately longing for love. We have to watch out for EA not to mention PA. Stay away from temptation, before you know it you get suck in. Isn't most of the A happens b/c WS wonders first ?.<p>Hang in there, vent in her and also get very busy. Do some volunteer work in the group setting, anything that helping your selfesteems up.<p>God Bless you and keep praying to keep your faith.

You're doing it to feel better about yourself, not for revenge...but what you're doing here is still considered an affair. Perhaps you're even understanding a bit better now about what can make a lot of affairs start (i.e. feeling badly about yourself, meeting someone who makes you feel special, being torn and confused about where you want to be, etc...)<p>It's still wrong, while you're married, to do this. As wrong as it was for your SO to do it to you. Not even necessarily because of the pain it may or may not cause your H, but because of what it means in how you look at yourself.<p>Don't give yourself a reason to hate yourself [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] If the new man is really wonderful, he can wait until you're free to be with him (if that's truly what you want). In the meantime...you need resolution, right? Take care of what has to be taken care of, and whatever is meant to happen...will happen [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I think it is over between us for good. He tells me that he will NEVER come back home. Now that I told him that I was taking a $1000.00 from our account (he has been paying all of OW expenses that go way past $1000.00 with my hard earned money)and setting it aside in my savings account for one of my rainy days, he has turned very cruel towards me. He has been extremely angry with me and to tell you the truth, I am fed up with it. I no longer want to suffer for the stupity that he commited. <p>I believe in God dearly. I believe that He puts trials in our paths to deal with. But I also believe that God will only help me if I help myself first. Until when do I have to wait for someone that has no clue of what he has done. Someone that does not recognize the hurt that he has caused and continues to cause. I am just tired.<p>I am enjoying my single life right now. I believe that this is what I want to do for awhile. I am not ready for any one; I know that. <p>Does any one get to the point in which I am at? Please advice.

My advice is simple, really...don't date until you're divorced. If you don't want to divorce, work on your marriage. If you do want to divorce, just do it.

JMF,<p>IMHO, if you are ready to move on it is actually it is easier to do plan A ?. I am at that point but not ready to Dv neither looking. Only a few hot button that bother me but the rest I am do not "care". I told WW that I love her and she could do she wishes but don't expect me to be here. The longer it lingers the harder we will be in recovery, she has to do most of the work to gain my "in love" and my trust back. Then I plan A'ng my butt off. I address all the issues that she had with me one by one.<p>Do you have conseling w/ MB in your plan A & B ?. Do you have someone (very close to both of you) to review your plan A or give you feed back ?.<p>Be an impacable wife ... Proverb 31: 10-31