I am just curious about how I could start PLAN A if I am wanting in my heart, but my head is saying "No, she had an affair, actually 3 over the last 6 years, how can I trust her anymore, I have to think of the kids".<p>I love touching her and she allows me to rub her feet and hands (with lotion) and legs etc. She has said that she has missed that. <p>I admit, I have made myself distant over the last few years becasue my EN's weren't being met. Our sex life was/is pretty much non-exisitence. I never cheated and always remained loyal to her. I did get into online "adult material" for awhile, and I realize now that was me just looking to replace something that wasn't being met in my life.<p>I don't know if I should start PLAN A or just give up. My fear is that this will happen again in a few years and we have 3 kids and if history speaks anything, my wife hasn't been the greatest wife for the whole length of our marraige. I have tried over and over to change only to get no response. I am tired of trying, I am angry at her for making me feel this way.<p>Do I love her?.....I think I do, but then again I don't know if it is more out of guilt and responsibility for her and her illness (she is Bi-Polar...aka Manic Depressive), and even though she isn't cycling right now, she is def. under the influence of it.<p>I guess my question is......is there a book out there for me to get over this pain and confusion and really help me make a decision on what I want?<p>Everyone (family, freinds) are telling me....."leave the $!@#$, she will regret it in the end". I don't know....I am looking for direction and not necessarrily advice.<p>
Thanks in advance<p>
P.S. She filed papers (well, she has to go down and finalize the papers and pay).<p>Def!<p>[ January 15, 2002: Message edited by: defcon888 ]</p>

defcon888,
You could use Dobson's tough love approach, similiar to MB but it doesn't do plan A. It is a plan B with contact. I am personally will not use it, I am too scared because I care too much. I want to give one last shot, my absolute best. Read up SAA's how affair should end and recovery portion of it. Read up as much as you can about MB then make decision. MB could provide for both of you a fullfilling M however both party must willing ... otherwise it is a witchcrafting ... LOL !!!. Plan A is not to bring WS back, it would be nice but it is not the main objective. The main objective is to make you a better man in M and ready to build a fullfiling M w/ or w/o WS. It is for you.<p>Read up SAA and HNHN and decide if you want to try to save your M.<p>good luck<p>[ January 15, 2002: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>