I thought it was over. Although he never admitted to the affair, he made a promise to me at Christmas, and I believe he was sincere at the time. Yesterday though, all the signs that I've come to know so well were back. <p>He rejected my advances, left early for work, and wouldn't talk to me. Today he felt badly I think. I have been cold today. He called me from work to show me he didn't make any stops along the way. He was worried that I had had enough. He is just about right.<p>I don't want to have sex with him any more. He has been getting the best of both worlds. I get the shaft.<p>I didn't know it at the time, but I think I've been in plan A for more than a year. He knows I've been working hard. He likes to see me miserable, struggling to work. He loves to pack his bags and have me beg him to stay. (He never leaves)<p>I can't do this any more. I have my dignity--he has money (hah). I don't want to hurt my children, but what about my self respect? I'm tired and I have a work contract to fulfill. I need to detach from this situation, so I can finish the job and keep my sanity. <p>I am fighting, fighting, fighting my desire to go out and find someone who will just hold me. I'm praying every day--don't let that happen. If I cut him off, will that be the end of us? If I don't won't that mean the end of me?

Persephone,<p>We, BS, scare because we care. However there is a limit for every one and you might reach too close to that limit.<p>Please review your plan A. In your H eyes, have you address the issue(s) of M ?, have you changed ?. What did he say about it ?. If you say that you have met every single one of them then be honest to yourself and think back on what his complaint about your M. Some of it you can't do it alone, some of it are justification or excuse of A and some of it are issue(s). Did you look at it honestly ?.<p>Plan A is not about fullfilling EN(s), if you fullfill it in the past you could draw the line and told H that you are willing to do it and you have no problem w/ it in the past but you can't do it as long as there is A. Plan A is about you creating an environment for better M.<p>Take a break from him, take vacation or weekend getaway. Go and visit your familiy that is out of town ... w/o H.<p>Be a Venusian. Pull back a bit then wait for respond. If H responds then reward him then pull back again stronger and let him do the work a bit. Basically train him.<p>If H is willing, call MB and get conseling. Hang in there and vent in here [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .

Thanks so much for responding to my message. The point that struck me most is that Plan A is to create an environment for a better marriage.<p>Basically, that means quitting my job. I am self-employed and make my own schedule. My husband doesn't like the fact that I can come and go as I please. He has always suspected me of cheating, (I haven't although I thought about it a time or two). I think the A (s) are for revenge. <p>Giving up my job means giving up my dream. I don't know about that. It is not the first time I have done it for him, and there are no guarantees that it will placate him. <p>I have already given up night meetings and overtime. I don't work at home when he's here. If I do, he becomes sullen and takes some action to hurt me and focus all my attention on him. <p>I am cooking again and the house is much better since I started working from home. I am always available to him for his needs and rather than spend too little time together, we spend all our off work hours together. No one can do anything else. Getting away for a weekend is completely unrealistic for us. <p>I am not allowed (and never have been) to use our charge accounts or our joint checking account. I pay for my car, my gas, my clothing, my business expenses and counseling all out of the measley $10,000 I made last year. He's possessive with money too. I think this is not normal and may be the reason I threw myself into my work like I did. I did neglect him at that time, he understood work and allowed me to pursue my career for a short time, it was a wonderful adventure for me.<p>Now, I've been home for two years, about the same amount of time he's been fooling around. (Although I believe there were some short flings before). I am willing to do what it takes. I believe in marriage. I'm a Christian and want to be an example. But I'm not sure I can give him what he needs--total possession, undivided attention, all my dreams and pre-eminance (sp) in everything we are. <p>Can I? Should I? My latest strategy is to move on with my life. Get working again, open the door to this cage we've created. I can't go on like this any longer. I'm frightened. Sometimes I think he's a ticking time bomb.