WS has been somewhat depressed and what I thought was in a fog.<p>She goes to pschiatrist and he diagnoses her with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and General Anxiety Disorder (GAD). The doc prescribes some type of medication and want to see her in two weeks.<p>My question is does anybody have a clue as to what I should expect? We are definitely no further than Plan A because she shows no signs of wanting to satisfy my EN's. And right now us, the A and anything else do not appear to be a priority.<p>Coping&Hoping

Hi,
Well, I'm not an expert tho I've asked a few questions. I'm been diagnosed with depression as well and my psych has mentioned medication as something I should look into... I am presently a little wary of how it might affect me, though I've gotten a bit of encouragement from speaking to others and the doc about it. <p>First tho about plan A. As I understand it; plan A is more about you and less about her. The idea of it is to do your best to improve yourself, and to offer love support and protection.and a few other things.. (read the SAA book its good) (unfortunatly sometimes you dont often get much if anything back but hurt) Give and give as best you can. Sometimes you will get a little back, though it takes a while.<p>I think now more than ever you need to plan A and offer your support with your WS in a fragile sounding state. About the meds, I head they just help stabilize moods so perhaps ws's lows wont be quite so low. Which might make them more greatful of your plan A'ing actually I think.<p>Do you know what meds in particular she is considering? The best person to talk to about them would of course be your wife's doctor who is perscribing them. <p>g'luck<p>[ January 22, 2002: Message edited by: HangingIn ]</p>

She's taking wellbutrin and eflexor (?).<p>Your right her moods are not as low and is sometimes lethargic or in a trance. But for the most part she does not get upset near as easy.<p>So, I agree with a strong Plan A on my part. It just seems that we have two separate but major dilemnas in our life. <p>She has been very reluctant to discuss anything about the A. However, when discussing her mental situation with the doctor he discovered her need to be in control. That is when she made a comment that the OM was never allowed to call her. I did not make any comment but I think that was valuable information about how she could stop the A "cold turkey".<p>She feels going to the doc is positive on her part. I agree it is. It's just difficult, after almost three months of waiting to go to counseling that our relationship is put on the backburner as she tends to her emotional situation. I will continue to Plan A but as she says I want everything fixed yesterday.<p>Coping&Hoping<p>[ January 23, 2002: Message edited by: coping&hoping ]</p>

C&H: So it sounds like she is on meds now I hope its helping. I dont know anything about those drugs in particular though I did find them on the web. Put them into a search engine and both drugs I think have pages there are posts about side effects and other info that might be useful to you if you havent gotten anything from the doctor.<p>You are right you have two problems to deal with, but they are both connected. marriage troubles feed into depression, depression feeds into marriage troubles. just treat them both with the plan A. Marriage troubles and depression may not be completely fixed by love and affection or EN's but it can't hurt.<p>If she isnt open to discussing the A yet, probably do your best to avoid it now. I've found forcing the issue, no matter what it is, makes things worse for me. Talking about her day meeting her needs, talkign about her feelings about her day. eventually she slipped into talking about it herself<p>I know its frustrating as hell to wait til she gets herself in order, but its best she does that first. Im sure you know she wouldnt be as productive in counsling if she was depressed or anxious. Can she or will she see both? the MC and the psychiatrist?<p>Good luck!

In my mind we made major headway this weekend.<p>Had to go visit kids out of town as usual. This had been the scenario 3 months ago with last known get together with OM.<p>Came home a day early. She passed with flying colors! She had planned her entire day (with other women)and told me her plans. When I got home she had done exactly as planned and was in bed in her "faded flannels" at 9:00 pm. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Her first reaction was "thanks for trusting me" She had pulled the same chicanery several years ago with me. I just let it slide and I told her how proud I was of her.<p>Maybe there is hope !
Coping&Hoping

C&H:
Good to hear things turned up a little!
Are things still going well?<p>-Hangin

My H has GAD and chronic depression, also OCD tendancies. Have a look at my signature for details. I will try to get back shortly to answer your questions.<p>Just wanted to let you know that I know what it is like to be dealing with the A, its fall-out, and mood disorders on top of that.

coping & hoping,<p>I usually post on In Recovery and only check here from time to time. As I mentioned, my H has GAD, chronic depression and OC tendencies. He was diagnosed with depression about 1.5 years before his A, but the GAD (with panic and anger attacks) and OC tendencies were diagnosed a full year after the A ended.<p>I have a lot to say on how these disorders impact on recovery from an A, but I will try not to write a book here. Don&#8217;t want to scare you away. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>In response to my very first post on MB over a year ago, someone whose WS also suffered from chronic depression said that IC was a must for my H, that MC and M recovery were really putting the cart before the horse. It made sense at the time, but there was no getting my H to do IC or go to a psychiatrist, so we did the &#8216;horse before the cart thing&#8217;, without much avail.<p>So, the good news for you is that your W&#8217;s diagnosis and seeing a psychiatrist now really will help with restoring your M by helping her with some very debilitating conditions.<p>What do you know about GAD and OCD? If you don&#8217;t know much, then I would recommend you read at least as much about these disorders as you can. If your W&#8217;s conditions pre-existed the A (which seems likely), then the disorders and the A are likely interrelated. So understanding the disorders is very important. Read, talk to your W about what you read, invite your W to read, about the disorders. <p>Have you read up on the medications your W is taking and does she know which is supposed to act on what aspects of her disorders? Effexor is used for depression and anxiety; Wellbutrin is used for depression. Neither is indicated for OCD, at least not on the product monograph; but that does not mean that they have no properties that help with OCD; I simply don&#8217;t know. Since Effexor and Wellbutrin act on different receptors in the brain, they will have different and hopefully complementary effects on her brain chemistry.<p>Given the medication being prescribed, your W is suffering from GAD, OCD and depression, but do you know what the root cause of each is? I don&#8217;t know whether the depression is situational or whether it is chronic. Is the GAD recent or stemming from childhood? What about the OCD? All of this would be good for you and your W to talk about. Learning about her personal challenges can bring you both closer together.<p>The best treatment for all of these disorders is a combination of medication and psychotherapy. If your W is seeing the psychiatrist regularly for psychotherapy as well as medication, then she will be receiving the best kind of treatment. If your W is not going to be doing cognitive therapy (the preferred therapy for these disorders), then she should get a referral to a good psychologist who works in this area for therapy. Drugs alone won&#8217;t give her the kind of help that she needs to overcome the affects of these disorders or to control them.<p>If your W was diagnosed recently, it will be about 3 weeks before the meds will be giving her good relief. Do you know the dosages that she is taking? It could be that she is just taking introductory doses to get her used to the medication and that the most effective dosages will take some time to find.<p>A good book for her is &#8220;A Guide to Rational Living&#8221;. It is recommended for GAD and OCD sufferers, and my H has read some of it. (H has not read one book cover to cover in the 17 months since d-day, compared to my 10+; it is pretty common for one spouse to be the &#8216;reader&#8217 [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>Well, I have to get off the computer right now. So I will stop here and pick it up when I have a chance. In the meantime, if you have specific questions, please feel free to add them. I&#8217;ll be back over the weekend.<p>OneDay

Wife went to pychp and he increased her dosage as expected and then said he didn't need to see her for several months. Instead he wanted her to see a counselor and not him from this point.<p>Overall things seem to be looking up. It's as if the A was her way of coping with her depression. Kind of like a weight off her shoulder as to why she did it. It really threw me for a loop. This means that it wasn't my lack of fulfilling her a EN. Kind of a weight off my shoulders.<p>It's been 3 months since Dday and three weeks since her first psych meeting. Right now she has no desire to address my EN. I am trying to be patient but I sure would like to see some effort on her part. Not knowing how much the meds will effect this.<p>Also since she told the doc that when she was dating years ago a relationship never lasted more than a month or so. Just couldn't hold her interest. Doc responded that since we have been married for 8 years that obviously she loved me and should try to make it work. <p>Last night had friends over and had a great time. Alcohol etc but when it was time to go to bed - good night. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] She said tomorrow for SF.<p>Today we laughed. She said I had her permission to wake her up if she falls asleep [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Coping&Hoping

coping&hoping,<p>I am glad you checked back and gave an update on the meds, psych and situation at home.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by coping&hoping:
<strong>Instead he wanted her to see a counselor and not him from this point.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>This is common. Psychiatrists do the prescribing and psychologists do the psychotherapy. I hope she will be seeing a qualified psychologist who has some expertise with these mood disorders. It makes a huge difference in treatment.<p>Do you know what her drug protocol is right now? If there was no other medication added, then I am not sure whether her OCD is getting any help with the meds. Is she truly OCD or is it that she has OC tendencies? OC tendencies are quite common with anxiety and depression sufferers; they are sort of like coping mechanisms (dysfunctional ones) that the person relies on and they are used for a long time; so they become part of the 'personality' of a person after a while. My H's OC tendencies showed themselves in various forms of addictive behavior: drugs, alcohol, smoking and some foods. None were necessarily an addiction, but all were being overdone at different stages of his life. In some ways, it probably reinforces the 'addictive' nature of As for the person suffering from GAD and depression.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>It's as if the A was her way of coping with her depression. Kind of like a weight off her shoulder as to why she did it.<hr></blockquote><p>I can understand this comment. My H's depression and GAD certainly played a big part in his decision to have an A. As he explains it (or rather a combination of his explanations and memory in addition to mine), he always had an empty, searching feeling in him, as if telling him something was missing in his life; for years he wondered whether it was his work or career path, the home or the part of the country we lived in, etc., eventually he started wondering whether it was me and our M. Just to tell you how messed up he was, it was his GP when first diagnosing the depression (only) and prescribing an anti-dep who asked him whether things were okay in his personal relationships; at the time he answered that his W was great, loving and supportive, he was very much in love with her, and that there M was wonderful. Within a short period of time, as the searching feelings recurred, he began to wonder whether the doc was 'onto something'; within a year of those words, he had concluded that I was the problem, I was the source of his depression (or at least the biggest contribution), and that without me and our M he would be happy. Then he went out of the country on a business trip, and the rest is classic A stuff. With the 'high' induced by the A, the conclusion that my H had formed that I was the problem was only reinforced. (It would have been nice if my H had told me anything in this paragraph, other than that he was prescribed meds for depression. But that is another story.) I tell you all this to respond to your "her way of coping with her depression". Once you get more information about the effects of her depression on her in the years before the A, I think the way the A arose and how it fits in your W's life history at the fime will make more sense. I don't know if you will ever really understand (I know I still don't), but it will make more sense than it does now.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>This means that it wasn't my lack of fulfilling her a EN. Kind of a weight off my shoulders.<hr></blockquote><p>I think the MB principles, while very sound and helpful, are interpreted as putting blame for the A, at least in part, on the BS. That is unfair and it is also an inaccurate interpretation of Harley's principles. Harley himself has stated (in the most recent newletter, I believe) that the cause of the A is the WS not protecting his/her own weaknesses and not applying the Rule of Protection.<p>You may not have been meeting her ENs, and she may not have been meeting yours. That would be pretty common in long term relationships. So, it is definitely a good thing to address ENs on both sides, learn what they are, learn to fulfill them, and also learn about the flip-side, avoiding the LBs.<p>I would guess that someone's EN for conversation or openess & honesty was not being met. After all, the combination of the two make communication (at least of the verbal variety), and there was probably a lack of that prior to the A, since you day that the A took you by surprise, as does the depression, GAD, OCD diagnosis. If the two of you had been communicating, you probably would have had a clue about how she was feeling, what her unhappiness was doing to her and how she was interpreting her feelings. I am guessing this, because this is exactly what happened in our M. Two of my most important ENs are O&H and conversation; neither was being fulfilled by my H; and I did not have a clue about what feeling depressed (and the other stuff, which did not have a name until way after the A) felt like for him. If I had, I know I would have taken measures to protect our M, pressed harder to get him help (I had suggested IC repeatedly but to no avail), and learned how he was feeling and his elevated vulnerability to an A. But, without the communication happening, well, you know what happened. As for as his ENs were concerned, just the nature of them was affected by his disorders, in addition to his being like a sieve having water poured into it; I could have given and given and given, but the deposits would have ended up on the floor. That is what happened in a way; there was no way I could have met his ENs in his state, no one human could have probably and I fell far, far short.<p>So, ENs are very important, but they are not a full answer to your questions or your W's in relation to the A.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>It's been 3 months since Dday and three weeks since her first psych meeting.<hr></blockquote><p>3 months since d-day is still very early in recovery. She is probably just emerging from the Fog, even if the withdrawal was not severe. As for 3 weeks from her first psych appt, that is good, because her meds will be starting to take effect. Effexor usually starts doing a good job at between 3-4 weeks; a doctor explained to me that patients often report waking up one morning during this time as thinking 'I feel okay today'. There is no magical happy spell cast, but it does 'lighten the load' considerably for the affected person. I think Wellbutrin takes a little longer to give good effect, so in a couple more weeks, her moods will probably improve a little more.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Right now she has no desire to address my EN. I am trying to be patient but I sure would like to see some effort on her part. Not knowing how much the meds will effect this.<hr></blockquote><p>I think you will be pleased at the effect the meds have on her desire to address your ENs.<p>Once her meds have stablized the brain chemistry, however long it takes to actually get the dosages right, she will have more resources available to talk to you about your relationship, and to discuss a detailed recovery plan, and to act consistently to rebuild your M with you. (My H did not participate in M recovery for fully 1 year after d-day, while I was mostly doing plan A; I finally forced a separation, a variation of plan B. He was properly diagnosed and put on the right meds within the month after we separated and began to made big, big EN deposits shortly after that.)<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Doc responded that since we have been married for 8 years that obviously she loved me and should try to make it work.<hr></blockquote><p>That is an unexpected bit of assistance. My H's psych told him he should read a book on separation and divorce, and that he should be mentally prepared to be permanently separated. Not helpful, really. But given my H's history of panic attacks and the year of h*ll I had just lived, the doc was being realistic.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>but when it was time to go to bed - good night. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] She said tomorrow for SF.<hr></blockquote><p>A couple of comments on this: (1) re-read HM/HN on affection and conversation and their rleationship to SF; (2) be patient, don't push, otherwise you will LB; (3) have you talked about the possible side effects of the anti-deps on the SF department? (If you have not already read about the possibility, the anti-deps can cause a lowered drive or the person taking the meds to have a difficult time getting 'there'.)<p>I am sure this is far longer than you expected. Sorry if you are cross-eyed by now.<p>Let us know how things are going. I'll check back in a couple of days.<p>Good luck, be patient, loving and consistent. And pray.<p>OneDay<p>[ February 02, 2002: Message edited by: OneDay ]</p>

One Day,
Thanks so much for all of the time you have spent helping me. <p>A few updates.
She kept her promise as to SF the other night. But it was as far from being passionate as I can ever remember. This was such a let down. The next day she told me that the meds effect her libido and she will never have an orgasm. I did a little research on the net and found out this is simply not true. Effexor said less than 3% of women are effected. Wellbutrin claimed it could sometimes increase her libido. Anyway, I emailed the links to her and will try to be positive in trying to hopefully change her anticipation of what she should feel. She is a RN.<p>She went to counselor today. In a brief update she said the counselor thinks it is more about her upbringing. That I am not the issue. Anyway the C wants to see me in three weeks.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Is she truly OCD or is it that she has OC tendencies? <hr></blockquote><p>This confuses me. I ask "why did the doc conclude that you are OCD?" She says I just don't understand and that the doc cannot point to one specific answer. This seems like she may not be telling me everyting.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> My H's OC tendencies showed themselves in various forms of addictive behavior: drugs, alcohol, smoking and some foods <hr></blockquote><p>We both drink enjoy our beer and wine. She has admitted that she knows she drinks too much. I know the meds always say not to drink but I have not put this additional pressure on her. She doesn't get wasted just drinks every night.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> I would guess that someone's EN for conversation or openess & honesty was not being met. After all, the combination of the two make communication (at least of the verbal variety), and there was probably a lack of that prior to the A, since you day that the A took you by surprise, as does the depression, GAD, OCD diagnosis <hr></blockquote><p>I will never forget the day I found out. When she came home from work I asked her to sit down. That we had to talk. She said "can't this wait?" I said no which she responded. "OK -- it's either about money or you not getting enough"<p>What's so sad is I am the one that always fought ever going to a counselor. I felt if we talked we could work it out. I even read the Five Love Languages, underlined what was important to me and she never would talk about it.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> the anti-deps can cause a lowered drive or the person taking the meds to have a difficult time getting 'there'.) <hr></blockquote><p>Continuing on the sexual side effects of the drugs. About a month after Dday I was sharing some of the MB website. She asked out of the blue that she ought to read the "Orgasm" book which Harley recommended. Well of course I ordered that book the next day [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I read it immediately. She never has read the first page [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] And now is convinced it would be totally worthless to do so because of the meds.<p>Hoping&Coping

H&C,<p>Glad you checked in.<p>I have to disagree (respectfully, of course) with your conclusion about the effect of Effexor and/or Wellbutrin on your W&#8217;s sexual reactions. There are many physicians who think the incident of sexual side effects are highly under-reported; and there could be many reasons - a depressed person may simply not expect to be &#8216;in the mood&#8217;, so they don&#8217;t report that as being a side-effect, plus who wants to admit to that kind of thing when asked, and reporting difficulty achieving &#8216;o&#8217; is probably under-reported as well. I read an article recently where a psychiatrist specializing in depression and mood disorders stated that his estimate of sexual side-effects to anti-deps was closer to 70%. Effexor and Wellbutrin are known to produce less of these side effects than other anti-deps, but still your W is probably telling the truth about having difficulty getting to &#8216;o&#8217; and not having a huge desire to do much in the SF department. Please do not challenge her assertions about her feelings on this front; validate them and try to understand them. This is definitely not an area to be pushing or showing frustration about. If your W is anorgasmic, then your frustrations will only make things worse. I can&#8217;t think of anything more counter-productive to getting &#8216;there&#8217; than my H &#8216;keeping score&#8217; about whether I am. Does any of this make sense?<p>If you are still struggling with the sexual side-effects and wanting your W to work on &#8216;willing&#8217; sexual desire and getting &#8216;there&#8217;, then I suggest you start a thread on GQII and In Recovery asking who has experienced difficulty in this area while on anti-deps, specifically the combination of Effexor and Wellbutrin. I bet you get more affirmatives that you would expect based on the 3% figure you read.<p>About the OCD diagnosis, she might well be telling you everything she knows. Maybe the doc did not explain it very well. My H&#8217;s psychiatrist was pretty short on the explanation side of things, not at all satisfactory, if you ask me. Also, your W might have a bunch of coping habits that she does not even realize are coping habits resulting from her mood disorders. My H swears that he never realized that the way be analysed things was destructive, because he quite simply thought everyone had thoughts and feelings just like his, but that we all just kept them to ourselves, because we could not own up to the ugliness of it (projection of his feelings on others without even knowing it). If my H had simply talked to me about his thoughts and feelings or had listened to my suggestions that he consult a therapist, it would have been clear within a short period of time that his thoughts and feelings were not &#8216;normal&#8217;. I rather expect there is some aspect of these things with your W's situation.<p>Drinking every night might be something you want to discuss. By definition, taking a depressant (alcohol) is not a good thing for someone suffering from depression. If it is a daily habit, then it stands to be more harmful than the pleasure of drinking is worth. At least in the short term, while your W&#8217;s conditions are being explored, it might be a good idea for both of you to stop drinking. (If you drink, she is likely to follow. If you both give it up, even for a few months, then you can support each other and have something in common.)<p>From your short description of your pre-A situation, she mentioned MC and you not wanting it but wanting to do it yourselves with self-help books, clearly you were both talking but neither of you was accepting the other&#8217;s suggestions. Your W probably felt ignored, as did you. In our case, I was asking for joint use of self-help books and MC, my H just wanted to avoid conflict, so he ran away from any open conversation on the topic. I felt ignored, and my H felt that I was complaining.<p>I would guess that your W has a strong conversation need, which was going unmet, possibly because while you talked to each other, she perhaps did not feel that she was heard by you. I know I certainly felt that way and, to some extent, still feel that way. (Old habits die hard.)<p>Since you like reading, I&#8217;ll give you these suggestions:
&#8220;When Someone You Love is Depressed&#8221; Golant and Golant
&#8220;Torn Asunder&#8221; D. Carder
&#8220;After the Affair&#8221; J. Abrahms Spring<p>Also have a look at the information on the web available on GAD and OCD. The better you understand these disorders, the better you will cope.<p>IMHO, the best thing you could do at this stage is support your W&#8217;s efforts in learning about her disorders and getting them under control. Learn about the disorders and their treatment, about your W&#8217;s meds and how they affect her as she reports, and about the therapy available. Participate in her challenge of coming to terms with her psychiatric conditions and make her getting healthy the number 1 priority. If she is not &#8216;whole&#8217;, then you won&#8217;t get very far in M recovery. At least that is my experience and the experience of others on this board who have dealt with mood disorders. (Btw, StillHers is a veteran BS whose W suffers from bipolar disorder; so he has had to deal with depression and mania, and their affects on their M and M recovery after his W&#8217;s A. His threads might be worth searching for to look for insight.)<p>BTW, even Dr. Harley says that where psychiatric disorders are at play in a M, following the MB principles are simply not enough to recover a M.<p>Your putting energy into M recovery is good, actually great, but your expectations of reciprocation (or even much participation) by your W should be very low. She needs to work on other things first before she will truly be able to help rebuild your M, and this is work you cannot do for her. All you can do is support her, learn with her, and try to understand her. Once she gets a good handle on the disorders, she will be far better placed to talk about your ENs and have some resources to put to meeting them.<p>If you are merely venting your frustrations here and not letting them translate into your interactions with your W, then that is just great. If not, then come here to vent and show frustration. It will do you absolutely no good to direct them in any form at your W; it will be counter-productive to your plan A efforts; and it will only push your W away by making the environment unsafe for her to express her honest feelings and thoughts.<p>Another long reply. I can&#8217;t help being extremely comprehensive, can I?<p>How has this week been?<p>OneDay<p>[ February 05, 2002: Message edited by: OneDay ]</p>

Hi there its me again =)
OneDay has taken such an awsome role in replies I havent had too much to add. <p>regarding SF. Remember at this point you are still plan A'ing her. meaning you are trying to meet her needs. With depression, Meds, withdrawl, guilt and everything, you can't quite expect her to have her heart 100% into it. Try not to pressure the subject, you want to make love not just have SF. She is still working out the love part, be patient.<p>
-HI

I think the meds are kicking in a little bit more. She seems to be in a deeper trance and does not get upset to easy.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I have to disagree (respectfully, of course) with your conclusion about the effect of Effexor and/or Wellbutrin on your W’s sexual reactions <hr></blockquote><p>I saw her reading the links on sexual side effects that I emailed to her about effexor and wellbutrin. She did not make any comments. I didn't bring up the subject. Will lay low as y'all recommended. I only hope the net is right.
[img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> Your putting energy into M recovery is good, actually great, but your expectations of reciprocation (or even much participation) by your W should be very low <hr></blockquote><p>I know you are right. Guess I just needed someone to reinforce this position.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> If you are merely venting your frustrations here and not letting them translate into your interactions with your W, then that is just great. <hr></blockquote><p>I hope that's what I am doing. I really try not to LB. During a 30 minute ride home from work I will talk out loud to myself and cuss this entire situation -taking pity on myself. But once I get home, I just want to hug and talk.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> Remember at this point you are still plan A'ing her. meaning you are trying to meet her needs. With depression, Meds, withdrawl, guilt and everything, you can't quite expect her to have her heart 100% into it. Try not to pressure the subject, you want to make love not just have SF. She is still working out the love part, be patient.
<hr></blockquote><p>I know you are right. I just want it fixed now [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Coping&Hoping<p>[ February 06, 2002: Message edited by: coping&hoping ]</p>

coping and hoping,<p>I was wondering how things were with you and your W this week. Valentine's Day is a big trigger for some people, and for others it is completely irrelevent. Thought I would check in, either way.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by coping&hoping:
<strong>I know you are right. I just want it fixed now [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Don't we all! Every BS and WS would agree with wanting to fix it all NOW. But remember the old proverb "Slow and steady wins the race".<p>Let us know how you are, when you get the chance. And join us over on the "In Recovery" board while you are at it.<p>OneDay