I can't hardly bare the thought of Valentines day coming up. I want him to buy me a ring and renew our vows. But it's probably too early for that. A ended Sept. 23 last year. <p>Five months ago. Is it too early to hope for a new beginning. He knows how much it would mean to me but as Hanginin said I really do want it to be sincere. Because he wants too.<p>But I know I am going to be ssssooo heartbroken and disappointed if he doesnt!<p>How do you deal with the expectations for romance and love and they never come through??
[img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] It's so hard. Like I told him at the beginning of all of this it was the least he could do to make a fresh start of it. But he doesn't see it that way so what can I do?<p>I need to be able to handle it but it's going to be so hard....pray for me!!! Don't want to LB over it but I don't know how to handle it.<p>thanx again, you all are a life saver...literally!

As long as H doesn't want to work on M, even when A is ended, you are still in plan A. No expectation. You could teel him but don't demand and if he declines it don't get hurt.<p>IMHO, check and review you plan A and if H still doesn't turn around you watch your own LB$. You might have to do plan B.<p>You do not need him to fill in ENQ & LBQ, it would be nice, but you could fill one for your H and work from there.<p>Good Luck.

Margue,
Hi again. I know what you mean it would be nice to get a fresh start to help forget the past. You know what I am going to say, patience. Communicate with your husband and that doesnt mean pressure. It sounds like you let him know what you would like. Its up to him to make the honest effort to fufill it.
If he makes the proposal it might assuage your fears and hurt for a little while, but if made without his heart in it, and there are still the same problems going on it will sour quickly. Make sure you work on the M. make sure you guys have made progress. make sure you have open communication that he knows and will want to meet your needs. <p>As for now, don't be disappointed if your wishes don't come true quite yet. At least he is making an effort to be truthful right? I think it would be reckless of him to make a promise to renew marriage if there are still major problems. My wife said she married me with the A ongoing because she thought it would change her feelings and we could start fresh. She thought it would bring us closer together. it IS really a romantic thought. but it doesnt work.
Marriage, relationships take time and effort. The idea isnt a bad one Margue hang on to it. But wait until you are both ready. <p>Hey this doesnt mean you cant have a hell of a time for v-day. do your best. plan something. drop hints. if he wont take the initiative, go for it yourself IF he is ready for it. Make sure you have the EN's covered, make sure you don't push TOO hard unless you know its right.<p>Good luck!

I can do this, I can do this, I can do this... [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] ...aaaahhhh I can't do this!!<p>I'm just not a patient person when it comes to fixing something. If it's broke, or you make a mistake, ok never mind, just make it right! <p>Don't put it off...just do it! NOW!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Ok lord, patience, patience, patience.<p>Help me to learn how to accept what he is willing to give with no expectations. Just recovery.... [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>
[img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

I think you are addicted to smiley faces.. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Hang in there!

Oh no I've been found out [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] Yes I confess I am addicted to smiley faces [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] It's so embarrassing [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] So I only have one thing to say to you [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>HAHA, sorry just my usual silly self coming out.. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
**wierdo**
HAHA I was going to post a lot of smilies too but I got this:
We cannot process your posting, because you have exceeded the maximum number of images allowed per post. The current maximum is 8.
» Please use your browser's back button to return.

oh well =)

Margue,
I would plan a really fun and special Valentines dinner for your family (those 4 boys must be sweeties!) Decorations, a special dessert. etc. It is a week night after all. Hint that Fri.nt.(the 15th) would be a great time for an evening for the two of you, no huge expectations, just being together. He might feel more comfortable if he did not feel the pressure of a really "big" event. Just a thought... Ladysing [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I know the closer it gets the more I'm looking forward to it and knowing in my heart that I'm going to be devastated when it doesn't happen the way I'm expecting. <p>I can't help it. I guess it's the romantic in me. I want it all to be right.... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] But somehow it just seems to be a point of making me crazy... [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] patience Lord and I want it now!!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I just feel like I'm going to lose it if I don't really concentrate on keeping it together this month..<p>ps. Hanginin - I'M weirdo??? [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] hahaaha<p>ps. Ladysing - thanx that may be a better idea. At least for him.... [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ February 04, 2002: Message edited by: margue ]</p>

Despite all my advice on patience and nose to the grindstone Margue, I know what you mean. For V-day I planned a nice outting for us to a really nice spa/inn place. Waterfront, fireplace, whirlpool, champagne, dinner, couples massage. I hope it goes well, I told her I have no expectations and wanted us both to just have a relaxing time. Though I think I will be really saddened if we can't be romatic in a place like that.<p>Well anyway. gotta try, good luck to us both eh?<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

ok, so last night we went to a Valentine's dinner for married couples. It was a lot of fun. He has been very attentive and really trying hard. I still don't trust him though. It's killing me. I think that all this attentivness is to hide what he's really doing, still seeing her. aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh, How do you get past it!! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] I can't hardly stand it sometimes.<p>He brought me a corsage with 5 red sweetheart roses and kept telling me how beautiful I looked. We ended the night by me attacking him [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] and having great sex!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] So all in all it was pretty good.....the whole night I mean.. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] I think he is being sincere but I'm so afraid to trust him, he's lied to me ssssooooo many time before. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Well, we'll see what valentines day brings... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I can understand your feelings. However, we really don't know you or your husband so its difficult to give the correct responce. There are always two sides of the coin. I can only say this... don't play games with each other. Emotional games I mean. Do you love your spouce????? Don't emagine things or try to second guess their reasons for doing things. We all make mistakes... Why do we hurt the ones we love??? Do we think they are too good for us and that we do not deserve their love. Are we trying to prove our unworthyness?? What kind of background did they have?? Where they shown love as a child.. if not, then perhaps there is a problem with show it as well as giving it.. there could be many reasons for what we do or don't do... but the bottom line is... Love can build a bride.. and the Devil is always there trying to tear it down.. there is so much good in the world and so much evil also. Making wise choices is becoming more difficult. The internet can be a poison that can distroy a marriage or even an aid of emotional salvation. We are lost in a web of our own distruction... and a prisioner of our own making. God help us all. If you have a spouse that you love.... hold on to them with all that is in you... Be the best you can be.. forget about pride and other peoples opinions. They won't be there for you during the long lonely nights of stillness and quietness. Live each and every day to the fullest. None can be recalled... decide to forgive, forget and let God and time heal your pain. He will give you a new heart but you must let Him have control. Make Him the foundation for your life. For only He knows perfect love and has said "I will never leave you or forsake you." My pray is that we may all find peace and contentment. May we learn to forgive ourselves for our horrible shortcoming. Written with bitter tears.

margue,<p>I don't think we have "talked" before, I have been off of this board for a while, mostly because it's been painful to be here and be reminded.<p>I couldn't help noticing your Valentine's Day's note and want to share my thoughts. We are in a huge crisis right now and mine wants to break up. We've been doing well, sure ups and downs, during the last 10 months but I have LB'ed him to bankruptcy (as Leilana put it)! I was where you are only a few weeks ago having large expectations on things and in addition to LB'ing it all became too much for him, too much pressure... You are welcome to read more on "In Recovery" about my situation if you want to.<p>I am falling hard and am really desperate now, I pray that he will not leave and that he will give me another chance! Please do not make the same mistake, you have your man in your life, love him and support him and he will do the same for you. I know what you are feeling but try to lower your expectations right now, I know it's hard.<p>Mine is going out with male friends for Valentines Day....<p>-she-

Oh my gosh, she, so sorry to hear what you're going through. I just want to know HOW do you lower you expectation? It's what I feel???!! [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>We went to MB class last night and he shared alot of his feeling. It was so beautiful. I don't know how to change the way I feel about the situation. He knows how important it is to me but still drags his feet. I dont know.<p>I'll be patient, I guess and just see what tomorrow brings [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]