Well I've leaned alot since coming in here a week ago. <p>So I'm going to start Plan A'ing for real...<p>How does this sound??<p>1. No lovebusting.
a. no mention of A unless he bring it up (highly unlikely ) [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]
b. no "naggging" about relationship. If he wants to "fix" it, he will approach me and offer to talk about it. Is this right or wrong??
C. make it safe for him to be honest. No crying fits if he is. <p>2. Be nice! No excuses to treat him mean. NONE! ie: harsh words, attitudes, etc.<p>3. I WILL NOT initiate SF. He can if he wants to. I will not refuse (never have!) We had a great sex life before all of this. At least 4 to 5 times a week. Now I'm lucky if 2x's a week. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] (He has no sex drive now). Not even going to bring it up!!<p>4. All his needs being met:
1. admiration: he says I always meet this need.
2. affection: he say I always meet this need.
3. sexual fulfillment: ok this has me stumped..if he wants SF, at least 2x's a week he says, then when does it seem hes not interested?? Does he want sex just not from me? ok let's not go there....
4. attractive spouse: working on it. Losing weight, etc.
5. domestic support: need work in this area. Been doing a lot better. (never been the best house keeper [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] ) other areas of DS I'm very good at. Love to cook, etc.

5. No expectations!! Let it happen as it happens and if I'm devasted or disappointed I'll come in here and vent!<p>So look it over everyone and tell me what I'm doing wrong/right?? Any suggestions? [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>thanx again for all your help,

margue,
Hey, you are a very fast learner [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . I would only add one more thing ... take some new activities and ask H to join is he refused, just go by yourself or female freinds. Basicaly making a statement to H that you are ready to move on but you will wait for H out of your love for him. Treat youself nice, go to saloon and manicure, get nice dress .. a bit sexier than your usual style. Make your self attractive, not for your H but for yourself.

Marque,
Is the A over? If it's not then my understanding is you can do Plan A until the cow comes home as far as trying to meet his ENs. <p>If it is not over than Plan A is about YOU. It is not about you meeting his ENs.<p>Your attitude is excellent but be prepared for the highs and the lows.<p>Coping&Hoping

coping&hoping,<p>Check her post on GQII, she just hits high ...

Margue...
Keep up the awesome work! Your plan looks pretty good to me!
RE: domestic support. This is one I've improved on also. Try to pick up as you go, it makes a world of difference. If you are going from one room to another and take something with you that needs to be put back. If you see something out of order, don't get it later, do it now. If you do things as you go things don't pile up. Its much easier than it seems. My wife and I made Sunday a home cleaning day and it is easier since we pick up as we go.. <p>re: SF. ok you said not to go there, but 2x a week is more than most have. I'd be doing backflips for 2x a week, goodness. Needs change and if he is still going through withdrawl his need for SF may be down now. Keep stock of his needs change with them. <p>Hang in !

Yes the affair is over and he is ready to move on. (at least to the best of my knowledge)<p>Thanks for all the help and support! You all have made the difference in me! And that's what counts the most. I'll keep you posted. <p>There have been lows too. Yesterday I found out she's still telling people about the affair! And that she just told a friend of my sons. I had to go to this child and talk to her. She said the creep was saying that he's still calling her! She is a pathological liar. (but still gives that small voice of doubt) <p>But I refuse to give her any more power over me. I will decide what I am willing to listen to and what I am not. I will choose to believe what I want to believe and it will have nothing to do with her.<p>WOW that's so cool to be able to do that...<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>(as as far as sex 2x a week, that's a low for us [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] ) It's not the amount really it's the quality. It's as if his heart just isn't in it.<p>I can always tell. He hates that too... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>ok bye for now