Hey everyone, I just wanted to share with you all a letter I wrote to a friend of my WW who has been in contact with her. After reading it a few million times like I have been with everything lately, I hope that you might get some hope of your own from what is happening. <p>Today is day 5 that the WS has been living with OM. I am not sure if Plan A is my best alternative right now, since my WW is so "In Love" with the OM. <p>
Hi,<p>Right now we need to try and figure a way to stop trying to find ways to lay blame or dredge up old memories, at least bad ones. I would encourage you to take a look at the MarriageBuilders.com web site for answers and ways to help. Right now Erika is in denial that what she is doing is wrong, an affair is an addiction like any drug, and although painful to wait, the best advice I have seen is that any interference right now will only make her hold on to Blake stronger. I want this end, I still love her very much, I realize that her needs emotionally were not being met, I m a guy, I don’t think emotionally, it has to be logical in order for it to make sense, and while that will never be enough for Erika, I have realized that, and am trying to correct my way of thinking to allow me to see this in her way. I really want her to be happy and not have to think about this right now, the reason I willingly let her go live with Blake is because the only way that this affair will end is when she sees that Blake is not really the person she thought he was.<p>I remember what its like telling a girl anything she wants to hear, its all about the magic prize! I really doubt that Blake ever belived that they could truly be together, or that I would let Erika go. This is my trick card, and I am trying to play it with as much skill as possible. The chance that those two will be happy together is very slim, consider the facts. They already are in love, the first sign that this relationship is doomed. I seriously doubt Blake knew what he was going to get himself into dealing with a baby and a girlfriend that doesn’t work, or works very little. I figure if they end up living together it wont last more than 3 months, just not possible with the income that they make. Soon Erika will be sitting at home all day taking care of logan just like she was before. Its ok thou it’s a good life lesson, and at her age she needs to experience lifes lessons rather than just hear stories around the campfire about them.<p>I trust that you will hold our converstations in the strictest of confidence. I hope that you are able to become an everyday occurance in her life as she needs friends that can help her start feeling good again. The final words between us were pretty harsh, sadly every thing I told her that nite was out of anger and frustration, I mean my family was breaking apart with no hope of salvation. I was hurt and felt lost, and I wanted her to feel the sting of my pain. At the time I thought I was doing what was right, but now I can only look back and listen to my words firing off like a nuclear warhead, hitting the mark with pinpoint accuracy. I don’t want to file divorce papers, and if it is my choice it would never happen. I have faith that with time I will be able to show her that I meant what I said about wanting to work this out. <p>Today I went and picked up Erika and Logan and we were originanly going to goto the zoo, but since I paid all of our bills this weekend I had very little money left, so we went to a park instead, it was nice, but it was not the zoo, on the ride home we started chit chattin and I said that I hoped we could goto the zoo next Monday, she was fine with that, but if I needed to change plans she would like to know in advance, at first I just said ok, that’s no problem I can do that, then after a few mins, I told her I was sorry for not letting her know in advance, something I normally would not have done, but this time I thought about what she said and if it bothers her enough to say something about it then it must be worth listening to, so I told her that I was sorry. I think she was surprised by my apology and we both kinda laughed about it, she went on to say that yeah it was just kinda a petpeeve to change plans at the last minuet, so for a few moments we sat in silence, again I thought about what she had just said and then replyed, Well then I m extra sorry! We both laughed a little bit. So maybe its not a big deal, but it’s a start. I am more interested in finding ways to make contact on a friendship level right now just to know that we can still laugh together. It’s a start and its like a rain storm in the middle of a drought, it keeps hope alive.<p>I hope you don’t feel that I am shooting you down with your ideas and helpfulness, please take a look at the MarriageBuilders.com web site and read thru some articles, a great link that has helped me thru much of this is WATs Quick Start Guide for BS(betrayed spouses) I think it gives you a very good idea what to expect and what to do or not to do. I am starting Plan A, if you get a chance please read thru this, it is very very very helpful. I applaude your efforts to help, and the most important thing right now is for Erika to end the affair on her own accord. Pride has been a real problem for both of us, maybe right now she thinks I am letting her go, or that maybe I don’t want her anymore, that is NOT true in anyway, she just may have a hard time swallowing that bit of pride, I would hope that you can encourage her, when the time comes to not let that issue of pride get in the way of contacting me to talk. I have no way of telling her that she can come talk to me and that I would be willing to listen, our history does not show that that is something I have done in the past, however now I am all ears, we don’t even have to have a discussion, I just want to hear her thoughts on this, I have put my emotions aside. The only thing that matters to me is that we can communicate.<p>I am grateful for this opportunity to talk with you and share my thoughts/feelings/ideas about this situation. I feel that you and I share the same value of family, its important, it matters, it’s the greatest gift you will ever know. With these parting thoughts I hope that you will find the right words and the right time to make a difference in her life.