Quick brief, found out of my wife's EA with coworker, since then she has lost all feelings for me and apathy towards the marriage. she still works with OM, claims nothing happening other than professional exchanges, but I suspect more. I have been trying to plan A for 3 weeks, I have been doing alright except for occasional comments, questions, etc that she answers along with a couple of long conversations. I am in couseling and she started but has only made one appointment. Counseling hasn't seem to help me much and I am on meds which bother me having to be on them. So here is the problem: I am going nuts, literally. I am constantly thinking about her, us, the affair, our future, lack of our future, possibility of A continuing, etc. I snnop around trying to find things, then get mad at my self for doing so. I am irritable with the kids (3 of them - 11,5,2). How can I keep going on like this, I honestly feel I am losing my mind, not to mention the hurt that is constantly there. Even when we are together at home, her apathy towards me and the marriage. I know all about the time, patience, space, etc. but things are getting worse for me as all this happens. What can I do, I work midnights, watch kids during the day, cant sleep even when I get the chance (even with sleep aids - I sleep about 3-4 hours then wake up), and the one I really dont get is that I sweat when I sleep (what is up with that?). HELP

panaju -<p>I dont know if I can offer any advice, but I am just starting week 2 of recovery/discovery Plan A<p>I am not on sleeping aides or medication, but i do wake up sweating and sleep pretty restless. I belive that alot of it has to do with shock. Since the day I told my WW that I could not deal with the lies and that if she really loved this guy so much that she could go live with him. It was disgusting the way she acted all happy like a school girl, while she was packing.<p>I hope that I made the right choice to let her go live with this guy, its the only way she will get him out of her system. I also have a 17month old S, and not getting to see him everyday is really starting bum me out.<p>I also work nites which probably does not help the sleeping situation. I have been finding ways to emerse my self with work related activities, so that I have less time to sit around and think about this A. It has really helped me keep a positive attitude about the whole thing. <p>Since we are both fairly new to this, I would encourage you to check out the link in my signature, it has helped me come to terms with this whole thing. While I spend the next 6 months working on Plan A I am also doing other things to improve myself. I would say that maybe you should start focusing your energies on children, they need you.<p>Remember you are not alone, we are all here and we all can relate to you. Keep posting, reading, and venting on these boards. Sometimes self discovery comes thru your own words.<p>Hang in there, and keep your chin up.

panaju,<p>Hang in there, you are not alone. You have to snoop, no question about it but be ready with the outcome ... do not feel bad about it, you have the right to know.<p>This 'coaster ride is not a natural treatment of our emotions, it is normal you have physical reaction to it. Try to get very busy, idle in time is your worst enemy. I fill in my slack time with MB, tons of activities w/ my 2 D and I go take a break once in a while. Last night as part of my plan A, I go and see late night movie by myself, my hobby that I had given up for my WW.<p>Do not dwell on A, let it go and start planning up your day. The 7 habits of highly effective people could help you out to focus on your goal and reach it.<p>Hang in there.

Hey P.. regarding trouble sleeping. Did you check to see if your meds may cause trouble sleeping? Check with your doctor on that. Some anti-depressants will cause problems in that department. <p>Anyhow what helped me get over the inability to sleep was to cut out caffine all together and exercise like crazy. It gives you someplace to funnel your anger.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by panaju:
<strong>....... I know all about the time, patience, space, etc. but things are getting worse for me as all this happens. What can I do, I work midnights, watch kids during the day, cant sleep even when I get the chance (even with sleep aids - I sleep about 3-4 hours then wake up), and the one I really dont get is that I sweat when I sleep (what is up with that?). HELP</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I am going through the exact same thing (minus the kids). I am taking zoloft and trazadone. I eat one meal a day and have lost 15lbs in two weeks. I sleep about 3 hours a night and sweat a lot during my sleep. These are side effects of the drugs. There is actually a name for the night sweats but I don't recall it at the moment. Be sure to talk to your doctor about it. I plan to do so today or next week if my appetite and sleep patterns do not imporve.<p>I have know about my WW for 3 weeks. It absolutely crushed me. I had thoughts of suicide. I have since implimented plan A as much as I can (in my limited circumstance) and have been spending as much time as I can with friends and family, as well as with the church. Give her space, be kind, don't do any LBs (very hard right now - I know), and pray for the patience and the strength to last until she comes out of the fog. She likely loves the OM more than you right now (which hurts a ton -- it is how it is with my WW) and she will continue to latch onto that relationship for quite some time, and even when it does eventually end (most affairs don't last), she will go through withdrawal. It will take a long time for her to fall out of love with him and to start liking you again.<p>I am going through the same things. It sucks, it is not fair, and each day is a challenge. My mornings are the worst. You may also want to talk to your doctor about increasing your dosage. I had to have mine doubled before I could be calm and level-headed (and there are times when I still backslide).<p>Keep posting and keep us updated. I don't know how much longer I can last either but each day I do brings me closer to the day she decides to come back to me [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] , the day she decides to move on [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] , or the day I implement plan B. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ February 01, 2002: Message edited by: Longing ]</p>

Everything I have read and learned here tells me this is going to be a long process. The road will be rocky and your feet will hurt from the walk.<p>I read this link a few days ago and it helped me a great deal.<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=004084

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by panaju:
<strong>Quick brief, found out of my wife's EA with coworker, since then she has lost all feelings for me and apathy towards the marriage. she still works with OM, claims nothing happening other than professional exchanges, but I suspect more. I have been trying to plan A for 3 weeks, I have been doing alright except for occasional comments, questions, etc that she answers along with a couple of long conversations. I am in couseling and she started but has only made one appointment. Counseling hasn't seem to help me much and I am on meds which bother me having to be on them. So here is the problem: I am going nuts, literally. I am constantly thinking about her, us, the affair, our future, lack of our future, possibility of A continuing, etc. I snnop around trying to find things, then get mad at my self for doing so. I am irritable with the kids (3 of them - 11,5,2). How can I keep going on like this, I honestly feel I am losing my mind, not to mention the hurt that is constantly there. Even when we are together at home, her apathy towards me and the marriage. I know all about the time, patience, space, etc. but things are getting worse for me as all this happens. What can I do, I work midnights, watch kids during the day, cant sleep even when I get the chance (even with sleep aids - I sleep about 3-4 hours then wake up), and the one I really dont get is that I sweat when I sleep (what is up with that?). HELP</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Not that I can offer much advice, but I was where you are now. Much of your situation is similar to mine. And I obsessed.... and obsessed... and obsessed...<p>Well, it gets better but it takes time. Took me nearly 6 months to get over it and to move on. My W's EA still goes on, but I have learned to detach. Ironically, other than the EA, our marriage is much better.<p>And if I there is anything I could offer to help, you need to work on yourself. Be the best person that you can be and focus on you. In the long run you will be much happier...

All great advice - check on meds. <p>Change counselors if this one isn't helping.<p>Do you have a good support system in place - family, friends - this is essential! It's the key to getting through Plan A. And when you want to vent about your WW - vent here.<p>Also, don't discount God in this equation. This is the time to renew or increase your relationship woth Him as He has the power to help you through this. I can't tell you how many people are praying for me and my H - don't underestimate the power of prayer.<p>If you are Plan Aing, then you've probably already done this but be sure to print out the EN and LB questionaire from this site and fill it out as if you were your wife so that you know how to meet her EN's and what LB's to stop.<p>Focus on taking care of yourself so that you can take care of kids during this time. <p>Remember to take this one minute, one hour, one day at a time. That's all you can do.<p>There are also some other books that you can read - there is a post on the GQII board about someone asking for some books and if you go to the post and scroll down - NSR has a link to a site with lots of them.<p>Knowledge is power and it keeps you somewhat sane.<p>Remember - THIS IS AN ADDICTION.(Advice from Steve Harley) Like drugs or alochol. Treat it as such. Don't believe everything your WW says and try not to take it personally.<p>Keep FOCUSED on Plan A (advice from Steve Harley)- write yourself a note or whatever.<p>If you want- you can also call into the radio show on Mon. at 1 pm CST through this site and speak to Bill Harley himself. It may give you a boost.<p>The pain does get better with time. I would never wish to go back to the first few weeks after I found out. But please hang in there. You'll make it - one day at a time. K