First, you need to read about Plan A and Plan B on this site, you may also want to read about it in SAA (Surviving an Affair).<p>There are some links to Plan A and Plan B on the New Member posts - you could go to the Divorced/Divorcing board and ther should be a psot that says for new members by anna2000, or go to any of redhat's posts and go tot the General Welcome link.<p>However, MB uses Plan A and Plan B and this is why. <p>When a WS gives up on the marriage, its because they are unhappy with the marriage in someway - usually they blame the BS. Anyway, to make the marriage an attractive place to return to - A or not, the BS tries to meet the EN's of WS and stops all LBs. YOu can determine what the EN and LBs are by printing out the EN and LB questionaire from this site and filling them out as if you were the WS.<p>It takes around 6 mos. for the WS to notice the changes and notice that the changes are for real and that things will not go back to the way they were in the marriage.<p>However, if the WS sees changes and still does not want to return to M, and you feel that you are losing so much love for WS that you may end up hating him, then you go to Plan B to protect the remaining love that you have for WS.<p>You do this by ceasing all direct communication with WS - you pick a third party. Then the WS has to get his needs met by someone other than you and hopefully they realize that no one else can meet their needs like you can.<p>Remember though, that Plan B is final - you must be able to accept that it might be the end of your relationship if WS doesn't come back. <p>There needs to be a smooth transition from Plan A to Plan B so that the WS won't think that you aredoing this out of hatred or spite(of course they'll think that no matter what you do). A letter detailing your course of action is recommended because then the WS can read it over and over again. James Dobson has a similar approach with a tough love letter - however, you need to make the marriage an attractive option to return to, otherwise the WS may not want to come back.<p>You create for yourself in Plan B a safe environment for you to protect your love for WS and to shield you from any pain.<p>There are several examples of Plan B letters around on this site as well as in SAA.<p>Think long and hard before going to PLan B. and then just do it.<p>Make sure your support system is read before you move on. K
