HI! well I have some pretty good news, but should I take a chance and post this here? OH I DONT KNOW. well whatever, OM is starting to LB, WS is starting to be source of LB for OM. YAY! WHOO HOO.<p>My WW has been gone now for 4 days, this is great, I have had one phone call from my WS since she left, and I didnt even get to see my S before she left for CO, but I did not say anything, was friendly with her when we spoke asked her if she needed any $, she did not. I have pretty much decided that Plan A should work its magic while I am backing away from her, I no longer initiate contact in anyway, and will try and let her call a couple of times before I an answer or let her leave vm.<p>We have not yet talked about her plans, but she did tell me that when she got back from CO that she was going to be getting her "own" place, hmmmm, maybe not now.<p>read the following:<p>
email from OM:
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hey honey,
its about 905 PM here im waiting for your call. My parents got back from out of town today. you also told me you were going to Germany for a month today. I'm sorry i wasnt more supportive when we talked on the phone. my fears sometimes get the best of me. perhaps we need a new catch phrase, in person im the rock, long distance i am the pebble. i am completely behind you going to Germany you know that. you need to see your father and have some piece of mind for awhile. you know the only reason i'm sad or worried is because it will be another month we have to spend apart. im a coward perhaps or have a security problem but i worry alot i cant help it. but i have decided one thing for sure. while your gone im gonna turn myself into quite the homemaker. i plan to learn to wash clothes, dishes, cook some stuff, try new foods and clean bathrooms. so when we get that apartment the load wont be on you as much. im also gonna start on a master list of stuff we need. From Windex to printer paper, then i will start getting everything on the list. try to get back here in Chicago by the 15th of April though. For a number of reasons. one- we need to find an apartment. two- i will miss you like crazy.
three- you need to make sure that job with shannon is still open (things happen), otherwise we will need the time to find you a job. four- if for whatever reason things dont pan out we can go somewhere other than chicago (there are other places than Germany, Colorado and Chicago), we can try Milwaukee, Montgomery (great architecture), Carbondale, or Richmond (great history and architecture) just to name a few of course. so please try to get back by mid april. needless to say the fifth reason is im extremely anxious to start our life together. as for now i still wait for your call. tick tock tick tock. please call soon. i love you my angel. i miss you OM<p>THE CLOCK IS TICKING FOOL! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Hey Digital-<p>I am so happy for you! I hope everything works out for you! Keep doing what you are doing and it should.<p>My day, on the other hand was totally HE**!
If you have read my reply to you under messed up, you know my H was refusing to return my 2D to me. I tried giving him 'cool off' time, and called him this morning to see of he would return them, and he would not answer his phone. I had to call the police for an escort to his place to try to get them, but he still would not. And since we have not divorced or done anything, I have no legal foot to stand on. H has just as much right to them as I do! That sux! Anyway, the police officer told him he also has things at my place that he needs to get out. He said he would be sending his uncle and brother. Well, he did and I had no problem with that, until he told them to get things we had agreed I would keep. I simply pointed out the things he could have, and told them he will have to fight in court for the other things. Not much, just kitchen table, coffeetable, and endtable. He is just trying to be an a**. So he came to my apt. acting stupid of coarse, beating on my door, knocked my doorbell off, then came inside and knocked my computer off the table. Thank goodness the only thing broken was my printer. As he continued to yell and cuss, on off duty police officer drove by, said something to her, and he told her to shut the F up. She called the police herself. He threatened me, my car, told me "she wont be here all day" etc.....So anyway, now all his things are out, he finally gave me my girls! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
This has to be the most embarassing day of my life! All my neighbors were outside, it was so ugly. <p>Anyway, I went to juvenille court to file for temp. custody , and the dont deal with married couples. Called a lawyer, and he said my case would need at least $5000.00 up front! There is no way I can do this. I am stuck right now, but I have my girls and thats all that matters.<p>I am so sorry to go on and on about myself, butI guess I just needed to get this off my chest.<p>heather [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Heather,<p>its great to hear from you, but OMG, you poor thing. My WW called the police for domestic violence, even thou she is the one who lost her damn mind and tried to attack me after I told her she was not taking our son anywhere. It was ugly, but I didn't do anything except defend my self, so no marks or any sign of a struggle. I mean she must have been hoping I would goto jail and then she could do whatever she wanted, la la la la. . . . get my drift?<p>I am actually feeling a bit under the weather sore throat, achy, kinda blah in general, which is why i did not get back with you in the other post. But I have been looking forward to tellin ya how it is! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] j/k <p>I think I am really starting to feel pretty good about this situation, I am keeping tabs on WS's email and get to read all the "love" letters that he writes her every nite, agggghhhhhhh how romantic. They are pretty funny, in fact they are what I look forward to everday, that moment of happiness when I see what a loser this guy is. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] sorry! well he is! ok, i m bad.<p>i work nites from 10pm to 8am (central time)so if you are ever up late and wanna vent in real time i ve got all the instant messengers.<p>take care, I hope things calm down soon.

Hey Digital!<p>Boy, I sure hope you two work things out because divorce is a complicated, expensive thing. At least I know I will never make the mistake again. My whole life I said I would never get married, now I think I remember why-too much BS!<p>At least now I know what I want. <p>The only IM I have set up is MSN--my email address is hdcoop420@hotmail.com. I would Lovr to talk on real time! I hate waiting hours for replys!!!! My computer is on most of the time and I have a LAN connection so I am always connected to the internet. Just in case you IM me and I do not respond, just means Im not at the computer at that time. But WAIT! My psyco WS says he is getting everything cut off in 24 hours. Maybe he will maybe he wont. His personality changes on a daily basis!<p>OH HE IS SUCH A [censored]! sorry<p>Wanna know something funny? May not be funny to you but it is to me. But reality hit my WS right in the face today. As I mentioned in another post, my WS and I continued to have sex after he moved out. Well, miss OW did not know this, but I made sure she found out today. Poor thing cried. I just dont know what she really thought she was getting herself into. So now that relationship is up in shambles, fighting, argueing, etc........<p>It just makes me feel good to know that someone else is FINALLY suffering! Not that I like for anyone to suffer, but they both have caused pain and hurt, and then did it to themselves. Oh well!<p>And my stupid H has no clue about anything! He is not aware of all the rights I have just from being his wife! There are so many things I could do, just to be the 'bit**' he claims I am, but I am not out to hurt anyone. I just want him to act civilized. and human.<p>I thought us females were supposed to be the psyco ones!<p>keep me updated!
heather [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

you girls are physco, thats why i am in this mess! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>
lol, ok j/k i did add you to my contact list for msn IM, also my puter is always on too, i am terrible about not setting my away status, but i am always at some computer, maybe thats why i am digitalslavery? <p>It might be a good idea for you to get the locks changed, at least talk to the apartment complex, i had to, just for my protection, had her name taken off the lease, now she has legal right to be in my home. Also all your bank accounts need to be split up, even if you open another one with the same bank, my W already started to take more money out than we agreed on, grrrrr. Thats ok, just makes it that much easier to let her go.<p>Today i had a really really really long chat with one of her friends that she had stayed with for a couple of days, not good news, they had s*x in her bed! can you imagine? she said that she found an empty used condom wrapper, not her brand, and also that my W has left S with them, not telling them when she would be back, leaves with OM and comes back 4 hours later, hmmmmm.<p>Needless to say she is really starting push the boundries of my tolerance. I am working on a 'lets just get divorced so our lives will be easier' letter. I am feeling so ready to just end this and move on, reading my own words repeatadly seems to help calm me down. I dont want to do anything while i am emotional or unhappy. Although i really feel that since she is not making any progress or giving any signs that she wants to work this out, it is getting easier to just go ahead and file. I realize that she has personal issues that she needs to deal with. Apparently what started as an EM has turned in to a purely PA. i am disgusted.<p>Anywho, hope your day goes better than the last one. I keep you in my thoughts thru out the day, I hope that is ok with you. Take care.

I am working on a 'lets just get divorced so our lives will be easier' letter.<p>What about plan B? Are you already in such?

Longing,<p>Hi, no i am not currently in plan B, i am still early stages of Plan A, but my WS has plans to be gone until 16th of march and then turns around and goes to see her dad in Germany. So we will pretty much be apart for the next 2 months. <p>Had a long, long, long converstation with one of her friends that let her stay with them, turns out that while they were out my WS and OM had a good time on thier bed! Her friend said that she found a condom wrapper on the floor that was not theirs, she mad as h*|L, then later on she had her friend watch my S while she went to "run some errands" turns out they, WS and OM were gone 4 hours, had to run back to his house for something, um yeah, ok sure whatever. <p>I am getting more disgusted with her actions and lies everyday. Not getting mad, just driving that wedge between us even further. So its time for her to move on with OM, or who ever she chooses. I think MB principals are awesome, however I just am not going to put myself thru the pain and misery of having to deal with her emotional roller coaster should she wake up and see the truth. Her friend also mentioned that the only thing they had going for them was the PA. <p>Sorry to sound like a quitter but come on, I am not going to be able to forget or forgive her for this. She has been lying to me telling me that its only an EA, also she is lying to all of her friends and family. New lies everyday emerge. I for one am tired of waiting for my life to start while she gets to run off with whom ever she chooses, becuase all of her family is in agreement that she should do what makes her happy. Thats ok, she should, I am not going to be the one funding her adventures any more. I feel bad about my S, but she will not give him up, and most likely I will not get custody because the courts look at who can provide for the child the best, although my finacial postions allows me to provide a secure future they will most likely award custody to her since she can stay home with him all day. I lose either way. I just want her out of my life, I am sick of it.<p>sorry to vent so hard, but g0d how much more can I take, i am at my thresh hold.

digitalslavery,<p>I am underestimated you ... you are very quick learner ... faster than I did in plan A. WS cheats, lies and everything else but we have to let them watch and get ourself out of their A path. Watch out with your S, be very carefull w/ their emotional states. I have a very open conversation w/ my 2 D about mom, I answer all their questions and show them that I love them and I do not want to break this family.

[quote]
Original quote from Digitalslavery:
I feel bad about my S, but she will not give him up, and most likely I will not get custody because the courts look at who can provide for the child the best, although my finacial postions allows me to provide a secure future they will most likely award custody to her since she can stay home with him all day. I lose either way.<p>You are speculating. You should not only find a good lawyer with a track record for winning child custody cases but also contact your nearest child welfare agency to report possible child neglect by your WW. If the agency assigns a case worker to your case, and they gather enough negative info on her behavior as a parent, you stand a pretty good chance in court of obtaining full custody of your S, because you'd then have a powerful agency report indicating your WW bad parenting habits. It is not a sure thing that you are going to get custody of your S, but nothing in this life is a sure thing except death.<p>In my case my xW was a compulsive liar with a sexual addiction. I begged her to go to treatment (I was more than glad to pay for it) but she refused to acknowledge that she had a problem and so I had no choice but to divorce her. But before serving her with the D papers, I did what I recommended to you on the last paragraph, prayed, and thank God the judge agreed that I was the better choice as parent for my two girls.<p>Wouldn't it be a shock to her system if the judge decided that your S's best interests lay with you instead of her and that she'd then have to drag her sorry [censored] to find a job to pay you CS? This could benefit her too in lifting the fog from her brain and make her see that there are consequences for her actions.<p>Just as you have shown willingness to try to fight to save your marriage, you should also show a willingness to try to fight for your S's wellbeign. It is your duty as a father.<p>Good luck and God bless.<p>Joe<p>[ February 19, 2002: Message edited by: justanotherjoe ]</p>

I am of the opinion that you should do plan B for awhile before you move to divorce. The vast majority of people that divorce feel that their divorce was a mistake. Give yourself the time, with no contact with her, to know if such is what you really want. You CAN go on with your life in plan B.<p>My WW and I are seperated. She has an apartment, we have limited contact (plan a from a distance), yet, I am moving on with my life. I may be getting a roommate (to help pay for the lease), I have applied for grad school, I am looking for a new job, I may be joining the national guard (I am prior service), I am doing all the things I want to do. My WW still comes first but I will not do anything I don't want to do nor will I allow myself to be a doormat. I am becoming myself again and if she wants to be with me, she has that choice, if not, then I can be confident that I am not the person for her.