It's almost 5 months since my husband confessed to his affair with a family friend. My first impulse was to cry for a separation, because I couldn't cope with the tense emotions. My husband moved to a local hotel for a month, then came home and gave up the woman for a short while, but then resumed contact. Over the holidays I read Surviving an Affair and for the past couple of months I've been working hard to meet my husband's emotional needs. My husband acknowledges that he is feeling happier as a direct result of my efforts, and some days it seems like we're back to our old selves again. But then I feel the distance that's a signal to me that he's just seen the other woman, and I go to pieces.<p>I have in pieces the past couple of days, crying my eyes out and feeling even worse than I have since the affair was revealed. I wonder if this is a sign that I should move on to plan B? It's hard to tell, because my moods swing all over the place.<p>This is a particularly important question, because we are living in a foreign country on residence permits. If we really do separate (aside from living in a hotel for a month or something), he has no right to remain here with the other woman (It is I who have the work permit.). This is very appealing to me, but it also feels like a love buster. I am having trouble figuring out whether I am really at the end of my robe or whether this is a devious way to end his affair for him. What do you think? And are my thoughts really devious at all?

You stop Plan A... when you're ready to enter Plan B...<p>You enter Plan B... only when you are at the point of "accepting" now is the time to let the remainder of love in your Love Bank to dwindle away to nothing!<p>Any earlier...
...and you didn't give your marriage your all!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR

Hi Bridget<p>The way I look at it, Plan A NEVER stops. Because Plan A is for YOU! It's about being the best you you can be. Plan B is about the relationship with your spouse, and if preserving your love and sanity requires it, then Plan B is just part of Plan A. Does this make any sense? I've been accused of being goofy by my little girl, so who knows!

Hi Bridget.... I think you probably want to still plan a, but I could be wrong... I am too at the 5 month mark... and I am hurting a lot too, by some miracle contact has recently stopped... for 3 weeks and a little more... but I am afraid there will be some sort of setback... but then again, i see this stopping of it... a great positive, as I am sure you did too... I too wonder about plan b time.. and I am trying instead to do a bit of 180 behavior... because I do not want to close thd door.. I too have been crying alot this weekend.. and I am quite depressed because h is not home saying I love youl... but I guess I have to give it time... people start to say when he really sees what it is like without you... he will wnat to stop all this.. and treat you right... ! i start to think that plan b is something I may get to soonner than later.. and I am jumping to this plan a / b board from doing most of my posting on the gen Q area of this site..<p>I love your name, and I love that movie, IO just recently bought it on dvd. and I am about to watch it again... <p>thanks for posting your pain, I am out there with you... or here with you... hugs to you... let us know what you decide.. I am conhfused.. and my advise may not help you at all, just wanted you to know someone cares...<p>
Have faith, I think the longer you give it the better chance you have.. that is what my mil says.. her H, which is now an ex and has been for yrs.. my H's dad/// ??? Gee, where did my H learn to act this way.. anyway.. my mil says time is on our side.. and that the more time we girls give it who are in these shoes the more likely we are to have our families back.<p>Hugs to you.<p>RMM
RMM