Help... what do you do when your spouse keeps hurting you when you are trying to plan a><p>I am so sick of this pain.<p>thanks,

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by RestoringMyMarriage:
<strong>Help... what do you do when your spouse keeps hurting you when you are trying to plan a><p>I am so sick of this pain.<p>thanks,</strong><hr></blockquote>
What did H do lately to hurt you ?. Venting here is one way ...

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by redhat:
<strong>
What did H do lately to hurt you ?. Venting here is one way ...</strong><hr></blockquote><p>No need to reply ... I didn't realize you 've change your screen name. Just ignored my nossy nature, from NorCal [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] .

I do not understnad what you mean nossy nature from norcaL? Is that northern cal. , what is nossy... oh NOSEY? OK... yes, I changed, as I felt that I was here to be called honey at first... I thought... OH, I would like to be called that by someone... feeling so alone, ya know... well I changed name to remind myself that I am coming here to try to restore my marriage... it seems to work when I do what you guys say..<p>Newest thing with H is controlling... if I do anything to upset him.. which can even be calling him, or asking questions or saying things he does not like.. he keeps putting me on 24, 48, hr... punishment phases... etc... will not talk to me for days... depending on how mad I made him.. he is majorly punishing me... I am hardly doing anything.. I get more upset when he punishes..<p>I guess I need to play venusian.. what is that exactly?<p>thanks.

Honey,
It is nosey ... I keep telling SH to ask ultimate to provide spell check ... English is not my first language.<p>I am glad that you are still around. Take what you could and leave the rest behind. The other reason I try to move away from your post is ... I am one of group of people disagree w/ your views on your own situation. I am a true beleiver in MB but I do not beleive saving M at all cost. Most MB'er will not even agree with my situation ... complete doormat ... however each problem in M requires different solutions and timing. Some problem requires tough love or 180 degree and some like mine has to be plan A. When SH asked me for how long I could hold it (Steve always tries to check my emotional states), I told him about 1 more year and I will Dv her the moment I saw some direct impact on my 2 D. So far my 2 D still have slip of a tounge and call me mommy once in a while !!!. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] They are doing great in school, doing great on their competitions, and we are closer than ever ... we are survivals. I know it will come the time where I have to take action. We try to wait for "insane mommy" to become sane again. Their emotional states are the one will determine if I will have to go to plan B or even plan C. They are what is left of my family, I will put their interest first, I will try to plan A w/ heavy guidance from SH since Dv will have long term impact in their live.<p>IMO, you have a unique situation where your H is abusive plus addiction of Alcohol is present. This is a double selfishness, you might have to use tough love ... again even Dobson came back after Dv. Please be strong and do not be afraid. H needs you to be courageous and wise ... listen to your conselor. I gathered that your C also endorses MB ... he is at ground zero, have a better pictures than any of us ... even probably you yourself.<p>Again don't take my opinion personally, I am really worry about you well being and try to save your M at any cost !. Call Steve or Jennifer, they will tell you the same thing. Before you could restore your M, H has to address his issues on his own.<p>Last interesting thing from top 10 pop psychology myth ... myth#6 You need to think positively .... Biblical Truth#6 First and foremost, we are to think the truth. Whether a tought is positive or negative is unimprotant.<p>In any case, I will keep lurking on your posts and let me know if you don't want me to reply to your post.<p>God Bless you.

Restoring,
I know the feeling, he just isn't ready to see the things he has done or is doing. Just keep taking care of you. When and if he does wake up you will see a whole new side of him. Dont call just because you need to hear his voice, don't make up reasons to call just take care of you. I found that no matter how nice I was or what I said he was always on the defensive and I was getting the TIME OUTS as far as hearing from him because I said something he didn't like. I had to find Hobbies, I have recently taken up Crochet, and of course spiffing up my new place. Go places even it it is just the library, or window shopping in the mall, have friends over for dinner, or go out. But don't sit waiting for him. My mother always said "Treat em Mean Keep em Keen" I don't think the mean is the ticket but you need to live regardless of where he is plus the agony of him not knowing all your comings and goings works like a charm. Your recovery is starting now with you. Keep your head up, mine h still isn't home but much closer than he was 1 month ago. He is seeing the error of his ways and wants to be around more and more. I have to put the breaks on sometimes cause he starts getting cozy in the new leather recliner! He even asked me to move it so that when he comes over he can see the TV which I say isn't an option at this time but perhaps soon. If you need an ear, or an eye, email me, flea_bone@hotmail.com.
Take Care,
Felicity