I found out on New years eve my wife had been having an affair for 2 months by getting into her vmail at work. The next morning she imediatly called both the people she was having an afair with and told them both she did not want to talk to or see either one of them again. She seemed to come clean and answered my questions and allowed me to check her vmail at work & cell phone. The following weekend she moved out into an temporary aprartment and slowly distanced herself from me even after I asked her not to. I was able to check her cell phone and work phone but I didn't have the vmail number to the apartment. 3 weeks later she insisted on a divorce. the next week she signed a lease on a permanent apartment and then changed all her codes on her cell phone, vmail, & work so I no longer had anyway of finding out who she is talking to. She doesn't want me to come over to her new apartment at all. I suspect she is either in the depression/withdrawl stage or has gone back to one of the two guys she was in the afair with. I have been trying my best to meet here emotional needs but she has limited our contact to less than once a week now which is making it difficult to make deposits in her love bank. I do want to work it out but she still insists she want a divorce. What can I do?

Well first you should understand that you don t have to file for divorce, if you dont want to [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] and if you dont have to worry about your children if you have any. <p>Were you trying to do Plan A when she came home and admited the A? I too was worried about her living w/ OM and not being able to meet any of her ENs, but the reality is that she does not want you to, because then she would start feeling guilty, at least thats how I have seen it to be. <p>An important lesson here is that there is nothing you can do to change her mind about OM any more than you can stop a raging bull in a china shop, this is very important, the harder you try and pursuade her the harder she will push you away and hold on to OM.<p>It is however unfortunate that no matter how many people tell you that, you will not understand what it really means until you have stopped hurting some, I am in week 6 of discovery/recovery and have just learned this lesson, even thou people had been telling me this all along. <p>Plan A is about looking at yourself in the mirror and realizing that you, yes you, have to make changes in your behavior. <p>My situation the only EN that my WW is allowing me to meet is her $$. Thats ok, its a pretty big deal, and even thou it allows her to do what she wants she knows that is something she needs, I am not saying I m rich, its something the OM does not have. By continuing to meet this EN she will see that I am serious about wanting to reconcile, and it gives us a reason to talk. Thats the positive side to this, believe me I only saw it as negative at first, but its not.<p>One last thing I wanted to share with you was something someone posted here, and that is she may have broken the vow of fidelity, but what vows have you broken? honor, respect, love, careing, its just something to think about.<p>Hang in there and try to schedule an appt with Steve Harley, he has so much to offer you. Take care it will get better.