My wife and I have been having problems since the first affair about two years ago. And in January she went to Dallas on our Daughters birthday week-end. When she finally called back on her birthday (Sunday) I just had a feeling and straight out asked her if she had an affair. She said to me "How did know?" She had been talking to this man on the internet for about four months. When she said this my anger overwhelmed me and I told her not to come home. (which was a bad idea). I was once again devistated by this and really thought there was no hope until I found this website and picked up the book His Needs / Her Needs.
She has not stopped talking AND seeing the other man and has no remorse. I am completely heart broken! After the first affair we went to our pastor and a couple of I Still Do Conferences. We made a committment of "Divorce was not an option" WOW! what a test!
After that we move back on into our life rutt and here we are again! My wife was molested by her father when she was a child and I feel very strongly that her whole view on men has been a result of that early trauma! I don't know what to say, I'm just trying to put a little of the story on board here so someone can help me know what to do next! I decided to go tell her that since she didn't want to stop seeing the other man and was not really interested in recoving the marriage that I was closing the bank account, changing the locks in the apartment and asking her to only come over and see the children after arranging something with me prior to her picking them up. And that it would stay this was until she decided to
A. Stop the Affair and have no further communication with him for the rest of her life.
B. Have a willingness to reconciliate the marriage.
When I told her these things she actually started to cry for the first time. We were in the kitchen and she started to tear up and walk away so I grabbed her arm and drew her near me and I gave her a big hug and told that I love her and that my love has always been unconditional. She cried in my arms for a few minutes and then said to me that it would be hard for not to talk to him anymore. I was surprised to even hear her say that! Later this week, we got to talking on the phone and she told me that now she wasn't sure if she could do that because her feelings for him were a lot stronger than her feelings for me. I believe she called him last night [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]
Where do I go next?
help me

hi Zane,
welcome to MB!<p>I would suggest that you post this to the General Questions section. That way you will get more feedback. These forums aren't trafficked as heavily.
I'm not too sure such a harsh ultimatum will work. Other than to push her back into the arms of the other man (OM). Could be quite a Love Buster (LB)
It seems that you are planning to jump directly to plan B. How long have you been doing PLan A? <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> She cried in my arms for a few minutes and then said to me that it would be hard for not to talk to him anymore. I was surprised to even hear her say that! Later this week, we got to talking on the phone and she told me that now she wasn't sure if she could do that because her feelings for him were a lot stronger than her feelings for me. <hr></blockquote>
Is she committed to saving your marriage? <p>If so, then bide your time in Plan B mode. You have to realize, that the way she is talking is called 'the fog'. But it doesn't mean that you can't work on making her feelings for you stronger than they are for him.<p>I have to run, but when you repost to the forum with more people, feel free to answer those questions, and think about what might have been happening in the relationship (i.e. her unfulfilled needs) to make her feel that an affair (A) was the answer.

I just threw in the abbreviations, in case you don't already know what they are.<p>praying for you.

Hi Zane,<p>I understand your W posted on GQII. I would like to welcome you both here to MB. Tell me how familar are you with the basic concepts and info here at MB? Also are you familar with the phone counseling sessions with Steve or Jennifer? <p>L.