My husband (wayward spouse) I are in recovery utilizing phone counseling. We are in recovery because we have 2yr and 6mo old children. He was in love wiht OW and still works with her. He is not putting much effort into finding another job. I am going crazy with worry every day, because they were conducting the affair at work, during work hours. It is hard for me not to question him? How do I not question him? He says it is over , am I a fool to believe him? He has given me his vm codes, and sends me his itineray, but I can not monitor every minute he is away. How do I survive this and not make things worse until he finds another job? Is it normal for him not to be overly enthusiastic about our chances of working this out?. Any comments or advice would be appreciated. I would love to hear from anyone who has completed the process and recovered their marriage.

I'm in the same boat -- my WH works closley with the OW and I'm having trouble believing that the no contact or very limited contact is what is happening. It's hard to plan A in that situation. I hope somebody who's been through this before will reply to you -- it's all so new to me. Still surreal and I feel like I am LBing every time I ask about contact with the OW, but I feel like I need to ask on a regular basis. I guess that's why the Harley's suggest changing jobs. My WH is certainly not open to that at this point.

I wish I knew what to tell you. My H didn't work with his OW she was one of his students. He teaches Music and is also a musician so I get to deal with the groupies. I did however make sure that she was no longer one of his students.<p>She contiuned to contact him on his cell phone and I knew it. I did a big LB and asked to see his cell phone and the calls made on it. Major fight insued but the contact stopped. I know my H OW is out of the picture I ran into her with her new boyfriend. Talk about someone scared to death. <p>I think changing jobs is essentail for recovery. There must be no contact, but you can't force no contact they have to do it themselves. Also with today's job market it might not be that easy. Take that into consideration when you get upset over the contact. I know it is very little help. But we need all the help we can get. Hugs to you both .<p>Music

Oreochichi,<p>Welcome to the MB board but sorry for the circumstances that brought you here. I will search for a post that references a lot of good information and then post here with the info. (I'm not a computer wiz) <p>You may try posting on the GQII section & also recovery boards. They get more "traffic". <p>I recall that heartpain's WW worked with the OM & continued to do so in recovery. It worked for them, but probably not for most.<p>My WH doesn't work with the OW(2) but lives near them which is many states away from where I live. I can't monitor him so I understand your frustration and pain. <p>A few questions if you don't mind-
1. Is your phone counseling with one of the Harley's?
2.Have you read the info on this website? Do you have SAA?
3. How long have you been M? When was D day?
How long have you been in recovery?<p>This just helps us to see where you are & hopefully help out in some way.<p>God Bless <p>
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Oreochichi,<p>Here is one post that might be helpfu. I dont know how to do the link, but here is the info:<p>Go to search (on same line as profile) and pull put in member # 7418 for posts in GQIi on 12-19-02.<p>Meanwhile, I will cont. to look for others.
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Hi,
Darn, I would like to figure out how to do direct links......but check this out it's in faith1's response in General Questions II, under stepping a touch out of line.....<p>faith1 references these links & you can go directly to them. <p>MB Quick Notes
Notable Posts/Threads<p>Keep posting let us know how you are doing,<p>Hugs to you [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Willgetthruthis,<p>Yes we are in phone counseling with Steve, and It has been very effective. I have read SAA 2x and my H has read it 1/2 way. I am 34, next week, H is 34, Married 8 yrs. D/day 1 1/06/01, D/day 2 2/09/02. I don't know how to add that at the bottom but I will figure it out.

I don't have any advise [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] but wanted to let you know you're not alone. My WH's most recent OW is a coworker. Actually I suspect he's slept with 2 of them over the last few years. The latest, he swears, was just a kiss (a makeout session according to their emails). <p>I have his email passwords and I was checking obsessively for a time (and would freak if she sent him anything - even benign jokes). After I would call and ***** her out she got the picture I was checking and I haven't seen anything that wasn't work related in months.<p>I also informed their boss and she is terrified of losing her job and knows I'll throw them in if I find anything. SECRECY breeds the continuation of affairs. If there's a way to bring it into the open I would do that.<p>Good luck and God Bless!

free2beme,<p>Yes I also have called and let OW have it. The irony of it all is that she complained to their HR Dpt that she felt threatend at work. HR responded they don't want to get invovled with the A but, I am getting a letter from the company attorneys about my threats. Message, we don't care if you screw around, but we don't want your wife to be upset about it.

Oreochichi,<p>you can change your user profile by clicking on my profile (near the top) then click updat/view my profile.<p> [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]