I wanted to see if there is anyone out there that would think that the wife is not cheating. Here is the basic story:
First of all, I divorced my first wife because she was cheating... actually caught her in the act. After that, I have been suspicious in my relationships so as not to get burned again.
Lately, after being with my W for about 5 years,I have found that my W has gotten very into her looks and being sneaky about alot of things. <p>Sneaky things:
If she is on the phone, when I leave the room she starts to whisper. she is normally very loud-spoken.
When we return together from anywhere, she runs to the phone, often knocking me over, to erase the caller ID numbers.
When the mail gets there, it is the same thing... and for some odd reason it's all junk mail even if I hear a drawer open when she "throws it away"<p>Cosmetic things:
She has just began getting her nails done on a regular basis.
After only wearing makeup on very special occasions during winter months... she has started to use skin treatments and makeup.<p>Most favorite:
She secretly ordered "underwear" from "Fredric's of Hollywood"<p>Along with all of this, we have not had sex in over 6 months... she has lied to me about everything possible... she *****es at me for anything possible or impossible... And she has said that she doesnt know how she feels about me anymore.<p>OK, so you probably think Ive done something wrong... in complete honesty, what I have done wrong is to point how thinese things that she is doing make me feel... completely calm and matter-of-factly. I have tried doing anything and everything to make her happy... I have done everything from flowers to poems, from hanging on her every word to giving her space, from foot rubs to housework... quite honestly, the only thing that I have'nt tried is treating her as poorly as she treats me for an extended amount of time. The very rare times that I yell at her ( which takes months of this abuse to get me to that point ) afterwards she shows me love and respect... for about a day.<p>I'd like to hear from anyone that
1. has any advice on what to do in the situation, or
2. anyone who thinks, based on this information, that she is not being unfaithful<p>basically I want to know if there is any hope because from the inside, I cant see it... maybe an outside source will help<p>Thanks!!!

No Ben I don't think you are crazy. These are red flag warning signs in my opionion. My WS did some of the same things your wife is doing. That's how I figured out what was going on. SO I payed more attention to everything. I even knew who the OW was.<p>Of course he denied it for 6 months. I even tried to catch them. Fianlly he broke down and was honest about the whole thing. But I went thru months of his deny the A but telling me that he didn't feel the same way about me and that he didn't think he wanted to be married anymore.<p>Since you already suspect the A I would gather as much information as you can. Do not expect your wife to be honest about the A. They rarely are. I would get Dr. Harley's book "SUrviving an Affair" read it their are many helpful things you will find in the book. ANd do some snooping. ALso there are people here who can help you once you find the evidence you need and how to deal with it. <p>Music

Exactly! Had the same thing happen to me. Great advice from Music!

Hi,<p>Take a look at the book: His needs/Her needs. Print out and both of you take the emotional needs questionnaire in the basic concepts sections located above. <p>Let those tools help you pinpoint the source of your concern. I don't think you are crazy ....... just cautious. <p>L.

Thank you all for the responses!!!<p>I was actually hoping that you'd all say I was crazy and that people need to get their own space to make the relationship better or something like that.
Being very computer literate, I have been checking the computer for things that she has done on line and have checked the entire house and car... since I was in the situation before... I know all the hiding spots.
But besides what I said above, I have found nothing.... am I driving the marriage into a hole by being too suspicious???

Ben:
I am afraid that you are in denial. First you have not had sex in 6 months. What is that telling you?
She tells you she does not know how she feels about you after only 5 years of marriage? You can bet that there is someone else involved. Why would she run to delete phone messages immediately unless she was hiding something. These are all classic signs.<p>I would contact the phone company and get the list of calls. I would also hire a PI for final confirmation. I feel very sorry for you that it is happening again but the signs seems pretty clear
that she is involved with someone else.