What a heavy heart I have. It has been almost 12 months now since D-Day, when WH told me of his sexual indiscretions over the course of entire 17 year marriage. Indiscretions with other men. . .<p>I feel I have been patient. I have really tried to Plan A. And it is because of sticking to Plan A that I am ready to Plan B.<p>Last Sunday I called WH (out of town on business) early in the morning as he requested. I had spoken to him the night before. He had told me how tired he was, that he was going to go to sleep (10:30 p.m.) I just KNEW he was going to go out on the town. I wanted so much to call 30 minutes later and "see" if he was in his hotel room, but I didn't. I knew I had to let him do what he wanted, not spy after him. And more importantly, as my IC tells me, and then what? Tell him I caught him lying to me once again? What would I gain then. Just another LB.<p>So I didn't call that night. And that Sunday morning when I was supposed to call, I didn't want to. I was so angry about my Sat night suspicions. But I called anyway. I kept up the Plan A. And when I called him, I heard another man in the background. And it wasn't the tv. My fears were confirmed that WH had another man in his hotel room with him for the night. I am 100% certain.<p>This is where I have differed with the rest of you great MBer's. I've never had any kind of real, concrete evidence of WH's infidelities. No phone calls, no "OW" in the picture, no strange credit card bills etc. And now I had the proof I needed to confirm what my heart had been telling me. I just couldn't believe it.<p>So Sunday was a very, very hard day for me. I met with ecclesiastical leaders about the situation and even had an emergency session with my IC. I was falling apart.<p>I will need so much strength to stick to my guns and draw the line in the sand!! I am emotionally exhausted.<p>
A part of my story that I have never shared. WH and I lived with our six children abroad for several years. Almost two years ago, I returned to the States for school reasons. WH really pushed this. I didn't want the separation, which he assured me would be short-lived. He has commuted the arduous journey of a transatlantic flight every two weeks for 1 1/2 years, to be with us for a weekend, or sometimes a week. Now WH only commutes to the East coast (we are in the West). The point is, I know I will get heat for having been stupid enough to single parent for these almost two years. I am drained.<p>So when I think now of the very real possibility of D, it doesn't seem so drastic. After all, I have been alone for a long time now. No emotional support from WH, little if any SF, little kindness. WH has always taken excellent care of us financially, so I am hoping he will continue if/when D takes place.<p>I suppose my biggest fear is of being alone. But as some have pointed out, I already am.<p>
Yes, I am aware of the dangers of disease. I have been tested and will be again, every 6 months.<p>
My children know nothing of the real issues, only that Mom is terribly unhappy and withdrawn.<p>My heart is broken.<p>Now to find the courage, resolution to Plan B as lovingly as I possibly can. I can only hope that I have the strength, and that will have to come from the Lord.<p>Thanks for reading.

<small>[ February 11, 2005, 06:04 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Everyone has a little twist to their story. No sweat. My x was/is a sex addict who couldn't get through the day without a crack whore from the downtown Burger King parking lot.<p>I am due for another stick and drip in June. He did it while I was pregnant and nursing. What do these men think?!<p>You have been going it mostly alone, so the transition won't be traumatic for the kids, this should help ease your mind a bit. <p>There is an old Jewish folk tale called "It Could Be Worse" I wish I knew where my kids copy was. <p>You sound like you have some good support from church and your IC. That is great.<p>Check out the yahoo thing hanora mentioned. But stay here too. I post mostly on Divorcing/Divorced. No matter what little twist we have to our story, it really doesn't matter. Our families foundation has been shaken, there are issues of trust and love, and we wonder what to do next. <p>Don't think of yourself as being so different from the rest of the gang. I could tell you some things about my marriage that would make the hair in your ears curl, and if you don't have hair in your ears now, you will after listening to me a while.<p>Elizabeth

Hanora and Elizabeth,<p>Thanks so much for responding. It's so great to know I'm not alone. Tonight I found about some questionable paper trail issues by WH. Will the surprises never end?<p>Thanks again.

<small>[ February 11, 2005, 06:04 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Hanora is wrong. wrong, wrong, wrong!<p>My story has the most kinks and twists! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I wanna win, please, c'mon guys, let me be the weirdest one on here!!!<p>Let's see, oh! I know.<p>Check this one out....
The OW (the one that was a girlfriend, not a crack whore) was 23 years old, had been divorced 2x, was living with another guy, AND had a conviction for domestic violence. That isn't the kicker. The kicker is that my x thought I should give him our children so he and this (person) could raise them. Keep in mind that the little one was nursing at the time. Did I mention that she considered herself a Mormon?<p>You guys can't beat me, na na na na na....<p>The suprizes do slow down, you will become a bit jaded, so it won't be as terrible as the last round, but it will still suck. Sorry.<p>Elizabeth

Did I mention my x fell off of a building?<p>I WIN!!!

<small>[ February 11, 2005, 06:06 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

I, I, I don't know what to say, thank you.<p>I'd like to thank the academy, <p>You like me, you really like me!<p>Mom told me one day I'd start winning again!