After posting on the emotional needs board for a while now someone suggested that I come here to get some help with a plan B. <p>Can anyone offer any help to do this without LBing?
For those of you who have not been following my story, My H was supposed to have been helping OW to be able to get on with life without him. Helping her through a Dr. Phil book so that she could have some life skills. Well, it has been taking forever. I have kept track of where they are in the book and they are "close" but not close enough to the end. I asked H if he was going to "end it" and he said yes he would be done by Feb. 20. The day before our 12th wedding anniversary. That day came and went and H is not done. He said he needed about two more weeks so that they could finish. I said no. It is her or me. He said, don't make me tell you that it is you and then try and finish this behind your back. You know I want to end it all and I need to know that I did the best I could to make her OK. I told him he could continue no problem, but he would have to do it from a different house because he would no longer live here. He knew I was serious and he has packed his things and is going to live with a friend.
I am tired. I don't even have energy to write this post. I am so sick of trying to keep everything together that I could cry. For those of you who don't know I have been going through this for 4 years. 4 years of him having OW on and off. I thought I was at the end. Maybe he will be back. All I know is at this point my EN haven't been met for so long that I could shrivel up and die. I am going to work on myself and my kids and my house. I am looking for a job outside of this business we own together. I want independence. I want to take away all of the reasons besides loving him that made me stay. Besides, he has been a horrible provider for a while now. Our financial "stability" is actually non existent. I am not sure what the future holds. But I am trying to get through it day by day. <p>I can say one good thing. I have learned a lot through MB and Dr. Phil and a few other books that I have read about relationships. I feel like a more mature and totally informed person when it comes to relationships. If I had to start anew I am sure that the mistakes that I made with H would not be repeated.<p>Thanks to all of you for being there and supporting me. I am not sure what the future will hold. I had always hoped I would be able to get through this and my marriage would succeed. I guess not everyones can. <p>
I just hope this plan B will work.<p>
Jenni

You might want to read over on General Questions there are a few who are starting Plan B. That board seems to get more traffic too.

Jenni70,<p>Just want to say sorry for your circumstances, but you are in the right place. Here's a big hug right now. It's very hard to keep going when our EN's are not being met. <p>You may want to go to dearch & put in plan B & see what comes up. Just a question though, do you feel that you have done plan A to the best of your ability? I know 4 years is a LONG time. (for me it's been 3) I'm not saying you should stay in plan A, just to look at both plan A & B on this site and read surviving an affair.<p>
Have you had any sessions with SH? In not, I would suggest that, he is extremely helpful with strategies.<p>I was 2- 1/2 years into the S#%$ when I found MB. With her help of thes boards, SH, reading MB stuff & others, there has been more progress in 5 months that the whole 2- 1/2 years. My WH moved away 3 years ago & only comes home for a few days every 4-6 weeks. WH is changing, I'm changing since MB. I'm ok if the R soesn't work out. I pray that it does. <p>I'm going to play the game of "Life" with my youngest S, but will check back later.<p>God Bless

Morning jenni70 - I also suggest Steve Harley, or Jennifer Harley. <p> There's also lot's of info in the read only posts. I got most of my plan B letter from what had already been posted.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I just hope this plan B will work.<hr></blockquote><p>It might be a good idea to review what plan B does, what issues it can address.<p>Plan A and B are about you. We cannot control others. Others may respond to changes in us, and changes in our patterns of interaction with them.<p>They choose their own behaviour.<p>This is a very tough time to be in.<p>God Bless,<p>Dan<p>[ March 17, 2002: Message edited by: Family Man ]</p>

Jenni,<p>I'm sorry you are going through this. I haven't followed your situation and thank you for the brief update. I don't know how you've gone this long before moving to Plan B. <p>Have you read any of the boundaries books by Drs. Cloud and Townsend? I'm reading their first book simply called Boundaries and find it very helpful. I've heard their book Boundaries In Marriage is excellent as well. Also check out their website www.cloudtownsend.com for a quick lesson on boundaries.<p>I too am moving to Plan B soon and read the book Hope For The Separated by Gary Chapman (I think). It was very insightful and you may find it a godsend.<p>Has your H moved out yet? Has he tried to understand where you're coming from?<p>My H understood why I asked him to leave and has mentioned that he doesn't want to separate, but his actions speak so loud that he just doesn't want to go through the process, but I think is looking forward to his freedom. He asked if I'd think about reconciling and I told him I would - that it's all up to him at this point as I've tried for 2 years and I was tired. He hasn't come to me at all to engage in a talk about us - it's disappointing, but I think it's telling me a lot about where he places our M on his priority list. He'd rather stay late at work and play on-line games.<p>Like you I've grown and matured so much with all this and I do believe I'll be successful in my healing during Plan B no matter what the outcome.<p>God Bless!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]