We have been in a good recovery since Feb 22nd. Or so I thought. Prior that that, many downs, some ups and contact with OW.
Since 2/22 I have really felt positive. I felt like there was no physical contact but doubted the phone contact. However, I felt all phone contact was initiated by her and not returned by him. I have checked up at ther place and he was not there on several occassions. My trust was really coming back!!<p>NOW THIS!! <p>Last night, I looked at his check register. There was a line entered for a restaurant that he must have gone to last week. The amount was large enough to be fore two people and was a nice place. The date was a day he worked till 11pm. I also found two letters from her, one to his parents and the other to brother/sister-in-law. The letter was asking them to sponsor her in a walk. The letter was dated the same day as the restaurant transaction. <p>I have not told my H that I found this But he knows that I am not acting the same. I am trying but I am so down. I THOUGHT we were doing so well. We have been planning for the future and he has been very loving. I feel like it's all another lie. I've been duped again!<p>He asked what is wrong with me and I told him that I am upset that she still calls and he has not changed his number as he promised and that his bank statements still go to her address. I told him that I don't like that she is still part of our lives, even if it's just a little bit by her calling. HE TELLS ME THAT I NEED TO LET HER GO, HE HAS SO WHY CAN'T I? Now I am the one who looks like I am crazy, worrying for nothing. He said the calls don't bother him, they do not make him second guess working on our marriage, etc. He asks why I make so much out of some phone calls?<p>What do I do? I want to tell him what I know but I know that won't help. I want to tell him I am finished sharing him. I want to ignore it, move on and see if things get any better. Please HELP.<p>--------------------

One of the first things my FWW and I did when she moved back in was to create a list of Expectations (see my sig for details). Those expectations are basically boundaries that our partner is not allowed to violate or a goal that our partner is expected to work to obtain.<p>One such boundary for me was that we remove all aspects of the OM from our lives. It does not matter how innocent it is, it needed to be removed.<p>The thing about the boundaries is that our partner need not understand our reason why. We don't have to explain ourselves (though we can if we wish) or our reason for that boundary. We don't have to justify it.<p>Your H does not have to understand why you feel a certain way on this issue. He only need to accept it.<p>A good book I would recommend on this issue is Love Must Be Tough. Also, I recommend the Boundaries series by Cloud.<p>It is very difficult to be strong during these times but you should not feel guilty or ashamed for setting boundaries and then sticking to them. As you both grow in your relationship and in your recovery, those boundaries can and will change.