PI -- I saw your post on Gen. Qs. What should you do? I think if you can leave it at your letter you should and if he raises it with you directly; try and stick to the concepts/words you used in your letter.<p>It is HARD I know (and I'm not always so good at taking my own advice in the heat of the moment). Your WH and mine (and most others that I see described on this board) absolutely are trying to use the "problems" in your relationship to justify their ongoing affairs. <p>It stinks big time, but it is a part of what they have to do. It was explained to me as cognitive dissonance -- they have to make up things in their mind and try to convince themselves that is reality when it is not as their only way of coping in doing something that they KNOW DARN WELL is JUST PLAIN WRONG AND CRUEL. It's like their minds just can't cope with the fact they are doing something so awful (the dissonance part). They have to do to this because they are not ready to admit they are doing something really, really wrong and that it doesn't comport with what human beings should do to eachother.<p>It helps me to know that many of the WH are doing this same thing -- it helped me to see that it was NOT specific to me. Sure, we all (BS) did things that contributed to the withering of our marriages BUT that in no way justifies the affair, the behavior, and the crazy-making of how they try to pin the whole thing on the BS.<p>You just have to ride it out and recognize that this comes from the cognitive dissonance/the coping/the alien invading their body to help them cope. He HAS to believe he's justified in order to function. It's not right. It's not accurate, but it's what's happening in his mind. It's crazy-making for me and you.<p>I hope one of the old timer responds to your post in GQII. I can only offer my support and empathy. I am going through the exact same thing. My WH is trying to say we're incompatible and always have been. Why the doodle would you stay with somebody for 14 years if we were so darn incompatible? It just doesn't make sense based on all of the good things/good times and struggles we have been through. What your WH is saying to you now is NOT REALITY. Keep remembering that.<p>Also remember that you are good and strong and are being the best mother and wife you can be right now. <p>You are in my prayers.

Hi All! I have to say all, because there are so many of you now! I was unable to log on the last few days, and boy did I have a lot of reading to do this morning! <p>I am thrilled PI that you have found your strength in the Lord! Praise God that you are getting on with things. Having been through the same fire, I know how God can work when you do His will, and although the outcome wasn't what I expected, it was all worth it!

I dont' recall whether or not I mentioned I started praying for my H again, but I have, and I've been feeling alot better myself!<p>Unsure heart, he will come around, keep doing what you're doing! I'm glad you had a good weekend! Being with family is so important too!<p>Hinderingus,and feelinallalone, You are not alone! I remember feeling the exact same way, that I was the only one going through this. I was so grateful that I am not the only one left in believing in the vows I made! So many people, no matter how long they have known me, still wonder why I am waiting, but when the Lord gives you clear direction, who are you to listen to? Definately not man, but God.<p>I know that in all the hell that I went through, I grew closer to Jesus, and it was He that got me through it. I am a completely different person today! Let me just share with you as breifly as I know how, what He has done for me...<p>When I was first M, I was in the music business, I am a singer. I was winning awards and opening concerts for big names (Country Music). my goal was to become a star, and that was all there was too it! In 1993, not only did my career suddenly fall apart, but within 2 years the A's started with my H. and before you know it he was gone.
I was a believer at that time, and knew I needed Jesus more that anything at that time. A missionary told me that if I wanted my life to go well, that I should become the "holiest woman I could become" Best advice I ever received! I was determined to do so, and like Unsureheart, I wrote in my journal every day, tried to give thanks for all things , and started to seek God in every move I made.
AS the years have passed since then, my life has changed drastically, I am no longer in the country music scene, am still singing, but now it's strictly for the Lord, and so much more rewarding. The Lord has given me a teaching studio, I teach at least 60 students voice and guitar each year. I gave up my singing career (the one I had planned) and left it in the Lord's hands. Now recently, so many doors are opening for me, I have been getting phone calls like crazy, to sing at different venues. I got to sing O Canada the opening night of the Brier (Curling Champ. Cnd.) at the Saddledome, I have recently been able to record a gospel song, written specifically for me about my wait..
I have just been offered to do a showcase of gospel music, during Country Music week in Sept. Wow. I'm blown away. I recall a verse the Lord gave me ages ago. "He who seeks his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake, will find it." In the book of Matthew.
I did give it all to the Lord, and gave it up, letting go of the dream. Even though I always knew that I was meant to be on stage, and now He is slowly putting me back there! Little bits at a time, and I'm not lifting a finger this time, it's truly amazing.
I am truly grateful that I can be an encouragement to others, as that has always been a prayer of mine. When we go through the fire, and come out on the other side, we are able to help others through that same fire, and I believe that is why we go through it in the first place.
I pray God's blessings on each of you, may He comfort you in your time of need, and may He get you through (if you let Him) in one piece! God bless you all!<p>[ April 25, 2002: Message edited by: Monika ]</p>

Monika,
Wow. God is good! It is great to hear how God is blessing you, and using you to encourage others. Thank you for sharing that. It shows someone like me, who is feeling discouraged, how God can bless us, and lift us up despite what is going on around us, if we are obedient.
I'm glad to hear you are praying for your H again. As you already know, God is able. I pray that your H will come around. Thanks again for your encouragement and your testimony.

Hi All!<p>Sorry I havent replyed back. Thanks for your concern in Gen. Q's. Its nice to know that people care.<p>I have been good. Great actualy. I think I hit a turning point after that whole car chasing incodent. I think it started with the pain of my daughter. I am so sorry she had to go through that. I wish I could take her pain away. All I can do now is do whats best for my kids. I dont want to see them get hurt through all of this. They are so inocent.<p>Well, all of a sudden I just started letting go. Really letting go (i hope, you no how emotions change from day to day). I have to. I cant worry about my H. I have to take care of my kids and my self. So I am trying not to have anymore outbursts. What ever happens between us only God will know. I cant make my H try (im finally getting that), cant make him love me again, and I cant make him see what he is doing. He is in such a fog! I guess he will come out of it on his own? He is still in contact w/OW. Im still here, hes still here. No papers of any sort have been filed. We're just taking things day by day. I do feel like he has a plan. My plan for now is Plan A big time. I hope and pray it works. I will try my hardest not to LB him. I see how that drives him away.<p>Little bits of sadness here and there. But for the most part Im feeling great. I feel like going forward for me and my kids. My H chooses to be a victom and I nor anyone else can help him. I will however love him and stick to my vows. Im not giving up on us. I have been getting many signs from God. I feel God is on our side. Im keeping the faith.<p>How are all of you? Ive been wondering about you all. Please let me know. Hope all is well.<p>Stay strong!<p>PI

Hi PI -- I am hoping that things are going better for you. How are you and your kids doing? Is your WH still looking at what you are posting?<p>My WH knows that I post on this site, but he hasn't actually read any of this himself. He is really struggling with all of this. There was a breakthrough last night in that he showed up at the house late last night and stated that he was a) miserable, b) sorry for what he had done, and c) could not understand why he had done it. He did go on to say that we had significant problems in our marriage. I agreed with that. Now, today, he's back to being kind of a jerk. One step forward, two steps back.<p>It has been just over three months since d-day and he is just now seeing/admitting that we did have problems, but that was/is no excuse for his behavior.<p>I have some hope -- I wanted to give you some. My WH said all the things that yours is saying -- rewriting history/he never really loved me, he did love me but was not in love with me, he was always unhappy, etc etc. Now, he at least is acknowledging that his unhappiness is not entirely my fault and that what he did was wrong. Small steps, but such a difference.<p>Please post -- I would really like to know how you are doing. I'll also check in over on General QII.

Hi PI, I haven't heard from you for a while, hoping you're still ok. Please email me or respond here, and let me know you're ok. I have send you a few emails, and I'm not sure that you're getting them. Let me know. God Bless!

Hey All,<p>Sorry I havent got back to you in awhile. Been busy w/new job. I am re posting this info. Plus I have some new info.<p>My last post in gen Q states that my WH is slowly coming around. Well, he has the nerve(get this) to ask if I would mind if his ex girlfriend could come to our sons 1st b-day party! Can you believe him? They arnt even friends anymore, this is the ex right before me, and he knows I dont care for her. Through all of his pain he needed to reach out to people who knew him well. They were friends before they dated. So he called her last week. Now she has his work #. Now they are friends again. She called him today to see how he was doing. What a heck of a time to rekinndle an old love.<p>So, we got into it big time. LBing all the way. I couldnt help myself.. Im so tired of him not understanding how hes hurting me. Its all about him. All he talks about is his pain, what hes going through, how im the one who changed him, made him this way, he cant forgive me for hurting him in the past, we cant communicate, blah,blah,blah. I am soooooo sick of his excuses and cop-outs! the second I say anything to him about what he has or is doing, he does the"you see, you dont understand me"!! "We cant communicate"!! "its not about her or the A, its about us"!! Im so sick of him taking the focus off of what he is doing. How do I handel this? Please help. This is driving me crazy. All I want to do is get along.I think he was just being nice so when he asks for a DV, I will be ok. I dont know. When he hurts me this way I just want to move. At least he cant hurt me if Im not here.But my heart doesnt ever want us to seperate. HELP GUYS!!<p>Monika, I wrote you back.<p>Unsure, Im so glad to hear your H is slowly comming around. But just like you said, one step forward, two steps back. This stinks! I cant believe the garbage us BS put up with. I cant wait for the fog to lift. If it ever does. I think your H's fog is slowly lifting. If he can actually see what he has done,thats a great sign.. Its just going to take so much time. I think you are about 1 month ahead of us? Hopefully my H will get there in a month. Ive been talking to Orchid on the phone, she lives near me. Shes way past us, so she tells me whats ahead or what my H is doing, what phases. It really helps me. Maybe you should send her a post? <p>Well, have a great weekend! I will try. We are going to be busy all weekend so I might not get a chance to post. Take care. <p>PI

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by P I:
<strong>
So, we got into it big time. LBing all the way. I couldnt help myself.. Im so tired of him not understanding how hes hurting me. Its all about him. All he talks about is his pain, what hes going through, how im the one who changed him, made him this way, he cant forgive me for hurting him in the past, we cant communicate, blah,blah,blah. I am soooooo sick of his excuses and cop-outs! the second I say anything to him about what he has or is doing, he does the"you see, you dont understand me"!! "We cant communicate"!! "its not about her or the A, its about us"!! Im so sick of him taking the focus off of what he is doing. How do I handel this? Please help. This is driving me crazy. All I want to do is get along.I think he was just being nice so when he asks for a DV, I will be ok. I dont know. When he hurts me this way I just want to move. At least he cant hurt me if Im not here.But my heart doesnt ever want us to seperate. HELP GUYS!!</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Sorry to hear your situation ... it is very common for WS to still blame it game on BS, it shows that they are in a very deep fog. What to do ? this is my 2¢, duck ! and stay clear from their path. Take a break from H and get very busy ... when H put your back against the wall, tell H that you don't care who is right who is wrong, you just want to learn to move on. Let H stare at their A point blank. WS will try to engage you to confirm their fog !. Don't fall for it. Use fogese back to your H but no LB !!!, just let H knows if you bring your exSweetHeart to the birth day, how does he feel ?.<p>Hang in there ... it seems that your H is still in deep fog. Try to stay away from H for now until you feel better.<p>-RH-

Hi Redhat,<p>Thanks. I need that kind of advise. I really need to learn how to avoid my WH's b**s***. I cant feed into it. Its just so hard with my emotions so strong. I totaly wear my heart on my sleeve. Please keep giving me advise on how to deal with this behavior. Sometimes I do well, can brush him off and not let him get to me. But my biggest problem is LBing. That has always been an issue with me. And now he does it. I need to learn how to give short answers. And to not ask questions. I need to not talk about the A or our M. Right??? <p>I think we are totaly in a plan A right now. He is trying in his own way. And I have changed in my own way. I can tell this new job will help alot. I do need to keep busy. Also I set some goals for myself . Things Ive been wanting to do for a long time but always put them off. As Im getting better and becoming a better PI, Ive noticed my H's way is starting to irritate me. But I still love him and see the man I married underneath. OW doesnt know who that man is. She thinks she knows him. The man she knows is a lie. What makes me sick is they both think they know each other so well and noone else understands them. Such a dreamland!<p>Anyways, he is at church talking with Father David. This is a HUGE step forward!!!! He made the appointment himself. And on Mothers day. He bought me shoes, candy, flowers, starbucks, pastries, and a card. He even told me he loved me Friday. I almost jumped out of my skin! I still dont know how to read all of this. Because hes not really showing me the kind of love he used to. Its almost like hes eaither #1 Just being nice so were on good terms until he gets a DV or decideds what he really wants. #2 Is truly trying but is coming around very slowly. I say this because he can still act like he hates me. Hes not affectionate. The card wasnt mushy. He still doesnt sleep in the same bed. It just seems like hes still not with me. How do I take this? I have said I love you to him and he mumbled it back. Like he didnt want to say it. That one time he said it on his own. Oh yeah, he is still coming home late from work. But on the weekends hes here.????????????????<p>Thanks<p>PI

PI -- I am glad to see that he was at least willing to meet with your priest. It really is one step forward two steps back -- I am having EXACTLY the same thoughts as you right now. <p>Sometimes, I feel like the WH is really trying to sort this out and other times I am consumed with thoughts that he's only being nice now so that he can proceed with a DV and be able to tell people that he tried (when he really did not try at all). I am really trying hard not to snoop, but it's days like today that I think maybe he is still seeing OW and is just pretending to try and recover/sort out his confusion to throw me off.<p>I don't think there is much to be done about these feelings. As I understand all of this MB and plan A I need to not focus on what he is doing. Remember that we cannot control what the WH is or is not doing. All we can do is concentrate on ourselves. It is so hard to remember some days; especially the days when you think there is a glimmer of hope. <p>I just wanted you to know that I am there with you on this. It is crazy making for sure. I am trying to stay positive and expect nothing at this juncture. It is still pretty early in the mess for both of us. <p>From what I have read here, Orchid gives good advice. I am glad you have been seeking her support and guidance. <p>How was your weekend?

Hi Unsure--I think we may be married to the same man. Sure sounds like it. Yeah, this sucks. But it is nice to know that there are other people out there who feel the same and are going through the same crap. Other people are starting to think Im crazy for hanging on. They dont see things the way I do. They dont know the things Ive learned from this site.<p>I do see how far Ive come along threw plan A. And still loving my H. I have know idea what he really wants and I dont know if he really knows what he wants. So Im not going to rack my brain over it. Im just going to give Plan A my best and hope he sees that and doesnt give up on us.<p>Im glad to hear your ok. Hope your doing things for your self. Im trying to. Although ,we have been doing things together on the weekends. <p>Do you know if your H is still with OW?<p>Take care,
PI

Oh PI -- I know what you mean by people telling you to give up. My boss and many of my friends/his friends look at me like I am the alien when I say I am still trying. They think that plan A makes me look like a doormat. On the other hand, they all agree that this is NOT the man I married and that the goodness in him is buried somewhere. <p>Every day is really a struggle. I still love my WH so much, but he is not around and I only see him on the weekends and he is so confused/stressed out. Thankfully, I have another counseling session on Wed. night with Jennifer Harley. I really need it right now. I feel like my patience is dwindling fast. I am not typically the most patient person and it is so hard every day not to throw in the towel. I want my marriage to work.<p>On the other hand, I feel like my life is on hold -- like I am in limbo. Part of me wants to know today what is going to happen so that I can make some decisions. I realize that is just not possible right now, but boy is this hard.<p>I am so thankful for you and this website and everyone on it. When I am feeling absolutely crazy; like I cannot take another minute (which seems to happen every other day. At least it's not every day anymore) I come here and see that everyone is going through almost the same thing.<p>Take care.

Hey Unsure!<p>WOW! You are just like me. I am not very patient eaither. One day I want to fight for my marriage and the next I want to give up. I too feel like Im in limbo. It sucks big time. And WH's moods and additudes are driving me crazy. I have been doing good on not letting him see that. And little by little Im getting better at not LBing. Also Im feeling better and better about my self. Doing things for myself and not worrieing about my H. It is sooo hard. Because I do go back and forth all the time. <p>This wesite and people like you really do help you to keep focused. I lose my way all the time. But I just jump right back on track asap. One ting I have learned, is dont make any rash decisions . And dont make any decisions with in the first year. Always make your decisions with a clear mind. I tend to want to give up when Im upset. After I calm down I remember my focus. And it helps when you have kids. Its easier to pick up and leave when you dont.<p>I hope your doing good. Let me know.<p>Take care!
PI

P I,<p>Sorry I am in and out of MB quick since I don't have much time and try to plan A'ng my 2 D ... I am glad that unsureheart keeping you company.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I only have one comment, men like us is dumb in relationship. You have to train us ... from your last post ..
<strong>Anyways, he is at church talking with Father David. This is a HUGE step forward!!!! He made the appointment himself. And on Mothers day. He bought me shoes, candy, flowers, starbucks, pastries, and a card. He even told me he loved me Friday. I almost jumped out of my skin! I still dont know how to read all of this. Because hes not really showing me the kind of love he used to. Its almost like hes eaither #1 Just being nice so were on good terms until he gets a DV or decideds what he really wants. #2 Is truly trying but is coming around very slowly. I say this because he can still act like he hates me. Hes not affectionate. The card wasnt mushy. He still doesnt sleep in the same bed. It just seems like hes still not with me. How do I take this? I have said I love you to him and he mumbled it back. Like he didnt want to say it. That one time he said it on his own. Oh yeah, he is still coming home late from work. But on the weekends hes here.????????????????</strong><hr></blockquote>
The big thing is H tries ... you should jump on him and show him your appreciation ... give him a reward !. If he like french kiss ... give him one [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] ... The key word in here is reward. Give H a reward for being a good boy to encourage H to do more.<p>You could win this, with time you will get him to fillin your EN. It won't happen over night but step by step. Remember you are in plan A, no expectation from H !!!.<p>-RH-

RH-<p>OOOO, REWARD. Did not even think of that. See, women can be dumb in relationships also. Hee hee.<p>But, different turn today. I want to jump to Plan B. I can not stand how WH treats me. Like hes trying one minute then hes mean all over again. He stoped wearing his wedding ring, doesnt want to go anywhere with me and when he does he acts sooo unhappy. Like he wishes he was w/ someone else.<p>So i dont want to be hurt anymore. Im sick of being nice to someone who treats me like crap. I told him this. I also said" I dont have to play nice anymore". "You want me to help you and co operate, then you need to be nice to me and you need to show me some respect( as in,bringing our son around OW and bringing OW around in public) I said, I dont expect anything else from you. But if you dont want me to get ulgy, you better be good to me. Then he tried to do his bable crap and I just walked away. I said" when you learn to speak english, I will listen. I dont understand your bableing( got that one from Orchid, thanks girl!). And guess what! He came up to me and said he will be nice to me and show me respect. ha ha!!<p>So this is where Im at. I want to go to Plan B because my WH got his father to kick us out of his home. Nice, huh. His parents are in Guam. He has been telling them" you shopuld kick us out, we dont deserve this house, we cant take care of it". I know he did this so we could go our seperate ways. Hes so messed up. So, thats what Ill give him. But that means he wont get everything else he wants. Thats where hes really messed up.<p>I just cant believe this.<p>PI

P I,<p>Reward for good behavior it has nothing to do with his disrespect. When H cross that boundry, you remind him and play fogese back to H. Remember when WS is in the fog, expect nothing come out from WS until they are out from it. Only you could decide when to go to plan B. However don't start on low notes of your plan A and do it w/ no warning.<p>For starter you have to get plan B letter drafted and start thinking about the logistic. You are very close to have to plan B'ng.<p>-RH-

Thaks RH,<p>Today was a good day for me. Im feelin better and bettr about my self these days. I see how plan A is supposed to work. And even though my H can be a butt head, I still love him and know that his is a good man. We have both made our mistakes in this relationship, I do know my part and have been working on it. As for my H, I cant make him do a thing, nor do I want to anymore. I just want to be a better person for myself , my kids, and yes my Husband. <p>I am getting sick of his additude. So Im just not going to put up with it. And Im not going to LB. Ive been doing good w/no LBing. I told him, I dont have to be nice or play nice. He knows that. And I know he doesnt want me to get ulgy.<p>Right now my main concern is my 10yr old D. She is really hurt by all of this. He is treating everyone like everything is their fault. She even asked me" are we getting kicked out because of me'? " Thats what dad told me"She has been crying almost everyday. She has so many questions. Shes acting out. My H refuses to say this has anything to do w/what he has done. I cant even get into that. Too frustrating. I need to protect my kids. What should I do? I dont want to take them out of their home, I dont want to seperate. But I cant see my daughter like this. I should explain about the crying, she cries everyday about everything, getting in trouble, etc... But the fact is she is crying .<p>PI

P I,<p>I have 9 year old also. They are very resillient ... you have to show your strength, and show them that you will not leave them no matter what and you are going to do what best for her. They take cue from you !!!!. I only shed my tears once in front of them, I stayed away from "manipulating" them or putting them in the middle. I never say everything is going to be alright ... it won't be, facing to loose family member is not alright. I comfort them and be their best dad and mom at the same time. I told them that no matter what we still love mommy even we are not agree with her behavior. My world revolves around them [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . My WW still point finger at me however my 2 D secretly tell me what they think of her words !!!. Stand tall P I and let your daughter gain strength from you. Teach you D to shut WS up w/o LB'ed. My youngest told my WS to talk to me b/c she doesn't want to hear all the negaive thing that she try to put on me !. The big one could say I don't want to hear that I love my dad !. Also when I vente or slipped about WS, she also stop me w/ the same word [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>Your WS is the same as my WW, deep in the fog. They put kids in the middle and think that they will be fine. I told my WS to no avil then I stopped b/c if she ever dare to push for CC, she might even loose them that what she has now. Second, it is an LB'ed to her.<p>Give extra attentions and assurance that you love her !. Give her assurance that moving out it will be a headache but it is not the end of the world. -RH-

PI -- I'm sorry I wasn't here last night. Regarding your daughter, I agree with redhat. You need to stand tall and let her see that you are there for her no matter what. I would explain that no she isn't the cause of ANY of this. I think that is the main comfort you can provide her right now. I am so sorry that she is experiencing this, but as long as you show her as much love as you can, that is about all you can do. You can't make your WH act like a caring thoughtful person right now. Ugh, I feel for you.<p>I completely lost it yesterday. The OW "accidentally" called me at home at 7:15 on a Sunday morning. Unbelievable. I picked up the phone and the person hung up. I hit star 69 to get the number of the last incoming call and it was her. I called her and said, hello this is mrs. so and so and why did you call? She made up a really lame excuse. I said "whatever" and hung up. I called my WH (remember we are separated) and said why in the bleep would the OW be calling me at home since he doesn't even live there. I think there is trouble in paradise. He seemed (although it's hard to tell over the phone) pretty incredulous that she would call me at home. <p>This whole thing is getting so weird. I know what you mean about wanting to go to plan B. I was so upset. Then WH came over and offered to do yard work/mow the lawn/make lunch, etc. I think he was feeling pretty badly that she had called. At one point I thought I was going to burst into tears in front of him, but I calmly got up and went into the bathroom. Cried my eyes out and then stuck a cold wash cloth on my face so that it would be less obvious. I am almost at the point where I just cannot take this anymore. <p>I'm thinking about you and your daughter today -- sending good thoughts to you and hoping your day is a an up one.

Hi Friends!<p>Yes, its been awhile since Ive posted here. My WH has been snooping and writing back some of my email buddies from this web site. I find it pretty amusing. He was trying to tell "his side of the story".<p>Still in plan A. Doing good with it. Starting to really understand what its all about. WH is very frustrated latly because he doesnt know what to do with his guilt so he tries to find anything and everything to blame me for. And I dont even let him bother me. Which makes him even more frustrated and sound like a fool with all the babble that comes out of his mouth. Makes no sense at all. I find this very amusing also.<p>Orchid has been helping me soooo much! Thank God! Because as we all know , everyday is different. And it really helps to have someone there to help you get back on the right track when you have one of those days. It is getting better and better everyday. And another good thing, WH and OW are always fighting now! And I have nothing to do with it! I love it!!! Ha Ha ! <p>So, getting better, doing better, and feeling better. But this morning I was depressed. Went to the mall and all of a sudden every woman looked like OW or one of her friends. I feel like the whole world knows and I cant go anywhere. I feel like Im going to bump into her one day soon. I really need to move. Then I started feeling worse and thinking, why did he do this to us? Am I stupid? Everytime I looked at my babys face, I wanted to cry. I just think, his entire life was filled with lies. And it continues. Its so sad. I am feeling better now. I guess we just get one of those days. Im just glad those days arnt everyday again.<p>My D is still not doing well. Im always worried about her. I know if my H doesnt change, something will have to. I hate seeing her this way. Alot on her mind. Alot of questions.<p>My H and I met w/ Orchid this Sunday to talk. Shes great. WH talked alot about his feelings. And Orchid pointed out alot good points that he never heard before. Weve never talked with someone who was in our situation. I think the meeting went well. Hopefully he will do it again. We really need help. But he does claim he didnt do that to save our marriage. He just wants to be heard (justified).And he talked and cried about his feelings, his pain that I gave to him. Barely mentioned the A. Never mentioned OW. Or the fact that he is still seeing her. Thats ok, I was expecting that. H is still in super thick fog. It will take time. Meanwhile I cant get my hopes up and I have to move forward. Which is always a good thing.<p>Please let me know how all of you are doing. Im thinking about you all. Hope all is well.<p>PI