Hi there! can anyone point me in the right direction to read a copy of a suggested plan B letter outline?? Would like 2 have something 2 mull over & b prepared in case i decide to hand him one when I leave here....... My info is on the general questions forum under wrungout!

Hello,<p>You can get a copy from the book Surviving an Affair, as well as do a search on this site for plan B letters.<p>There is a link somewhere for these, I'm still learning and have a ways to go to do links , etc. Hopefully someone will post one.<p>Please post yours when you get it ready. I'm working on one right now. It's taking some time to put together exactly how I want it. I will post mine too when ready.

Check out some of my old posts...
...for links in them...<p>Plan B - 101 (2nd ed.) and Plan B - 201<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR<p>[ April 09, 2002: Message edited by: NSR ]</p>

Hey u guys/gals thanx! one question...If my H is the one who has decided 2 seperate from me he is adamant that is gonna happen becaus eof my failure to let go of the fact that he has a femail friend & I am uncomfortable with that"just a friend mind you!" why do you dump a huge farm a business & your wife for the principle that you r right & your wife is wrong?? But tell me in this instance how would a plan B letter work (it wouldn't would it??) because he is already leaving me & says he cant wait 2 c the last of me any input would b fantastic!

Wrung out,<p>Plan B can work even when WS moves out.<p>My WH left 3 years ago to take care of sick father well he never came back, had too much fun where he grew up, Had 2 A's (one with HS friend).
I didn't find MB until Oct of 01.<p>Steve Harley told me that I was in essence in plan B cuz he left but I was in essence doing plan b.<p>Can you post more specifics...how long have you been in plan A? do you have kids? ETC<p>Also, we may never know why and they might not either. What most of us hope for is HOW can I be a better person, HOW can I negociate no contact, and HOW can we work through this to restore the M.

Do read Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)!<p>Make sure you've given yourself ample time to do a Plan A.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR<p>[ April 09, 2002: Message edited by: NSR ]</p>

Hi again our boys are 25 & 27 so nothing binding my H 2 me really except my love 4 him he deffinately has none 4 me! Anyhow this is a copy of my letter i posted on the general discussion board just thought it would give u a little background on how things are.<p>
I did plan A for quite some time but i got soo stressed out after a while & blew it i really think that i was donig it wrong tho i was more working on him than me & i honestly don't know where to start as we r not really talking but living in the same house!
Well here i am again, been reading this site for 5 hrs today just can't seem 2 get off my but & do anything but cry, it's got 2 the stage now where I have 2 compose myself b4 i can go down the shop (small country store) with people asking me what r u going to do now the farm is sold,not many people know whats going on with us but will in the next couple of days. <p>my emotions are all over the place & i just feel so alone in all of this even tho my family who are 12,000 mile away in the uk ring me up & try 2 jolly me along. How do you cope when you r living in the same house & your husband is planning a life on his own? He is just so cold towards me & says he can't wait to see the back of me & hopes he never sets eyes on me again. I guess i am harbouring so much agression here & have been trying to be nice to him in the hope that he may change his mind about me but because of circumstances until this property changes hands in july we r stuck here. <p>Last year we started a new company (I didnt know he didn't love me & that the s**t was about to hit the fan or i wouldnt have put so much effoet inro getting it up & running but the fact of the matter is that i have actually been instrumental in helping him put something together which was my dream also & although i will get paid for my half of the assets at the end of the day he has something that he can walk straight into. <p>I just feel like my life has crumbled around my ears after so many years with him & all the pain we have gone thru. He had an affair 11yrs ago & we were starting to get back on track (although i still had a long way 2 go regarding trust) i thought. he started riding with a new friend of ours & they became great friends she rode one of our horses I asked her to back off a bit as i thought i could see the writing on the wall again but she said you may stop us riding together but you will never stop our friendship & how true that was it got 2 the stage that it created a huge wedge between my husband & me & i guess that if your out enjoying yourself & come home 2 a wife who is upset about it that the grass would look greener on the other side of the fence anyway he eventually said that because of my actions that he no longer loved me, this was about 8 months ago & it's just so painful to deal with.<p> I cry at the slightest thing & thought that me being nice 2 him maybe it would change things but I think i can see now that all i am doing is making the transition to a single guy an easier path. what do you think..anyway yesterday I probably mad ethe biggest LB in history, my family all know about this but his family didn't & neither did our eldest son ,my husband had the perfect opportuntiy to tell his father but put it off & now someone else has told him. but he was going 2 wait until 2morrow when our son & his partner were going to be ariving here for 10 days(who i have just heard thru the grapevine were planning on announcing their engagement when they got back on shore)sorry if this sounds all a bit demented but tis the way i feel at the moment.<p> Anyway i said to my husband that i thought that it would b better if he could go up & tell them & give them a few days to mull it over rather than ariving here & being in an uncomfortable situation he proceeded to nut off about someone tellin his father & how I was always saying tings & then backtracking (this was because i was tring to b nice & then changed because i felt like i was making things too easy 4 him) so then i'm afraid i really let rip & told him that the reason he hadn't told those closest to him was because :"YOU HAVEN'T GOT THE BALLS TO!@@#" our youngest son (he's 25)is very hurt by this news as i told him when i was over there 2 weeks ago & his father hasn't even phoned him up to see if he's ok he just seems to have been putting off telling everyone & why when he has known for 2 yrs! I just don't get it, so at 5am this morning he was off in the truck to meet our son 2morrow & tell him. <p>I just sent him a text message to ask if he was OK (my hubby) & the message came back why would you care don't worry about me!! My next question is this woman he was riding with seperated from her husband while i was in the UK her hubby is handling things well & told my hubby that the writing has been on the wall for yrs 7 they r now trying to move on (they r also living in the same situation as us) I said 2 my hubby that you say u were just friends but friends dont carry on like that especially when they know that one of thems marriage is in difficulty (well she obviously knew hers was but didn't let on as she said to me when i told her my huby didnt love me that we just had to keep trying!<p> I really want to go & have a talk with her & tell her does she realise what she has done here i have lost my husband, a beautiful farm 2 other businesses & my self respect I am just so distraught,it seems like my hubby has put up a wall to block me out & he keeps saying you r never going 2 hurt me again..after i had told him he didnt have the balls to tell people i left him 2 stew 4 a while as he was ranting & raving he later came into the office & said this is one thing that i dindt want our kids 2 c us fighting & then he just said you told me i have no balls & walked out the door! I went to the pub & drowned my sorrows thsi is all such a bloody mess.<p> Was he having an emotional affair with this woman he did tell me that they had a talk about 6 months ago & admited they were spending too much time 2gether & around that time was when this wall seemed to go up. is he having a mid life crisis do i just walk away I know he hates me I cant see an end in site he has made so many big hasty decisions it's just not like him. PLease can anyone offer me any advice to help me find a way out of this long dark tunnel.....I have posted here a few times b4 & not had many replies I dont offer advise as i dont feel at the moment that i can help myself let alone anyone else......

Keep posting - I read somewhere that they felt like they had internet B.O. because people did not reply. Read, and apply the principles in this website.<p>All I can tell you that in November of 2001 my WH didn't want anything from me. He was mean, angry and critical. He didn't know what he wanted in his life, that he had to find himself (meaning he had found another) WH had been gone almost 2 1/2 years at this point. Mid life crisis... blah blah blah.<p>He comes home a few days a month. We do work together so we have contact almost daily on the phone. <p>By Feburary he started to say I love you. He's more attentive when he talks to me.<p>March, He's starting to complement me and contiues to say I love you. <p>His last visit, beginning of April, he told me to get yard help and a pool service! I almost fell over. He's spent 3 years complaining that me & the kids don't do enough around here. (It's been in mean & critical ways) He's asking me to help train people to do what he's doing so he doesn't have to be away so much!<p>I know he still sees OW1 & OW2 (PA's have stopped) but EA's cont. So we still have a ways to go.<p>These MB principles really do work. When I first found these boards in Nov 01 I didn't have any hope for my M, I was ready for DV & had already seen an attorney. The principles made sense and I figured that I had nothing to loose. You can't loose something you don't have. I kept reminding myself of that. No matter what happens in our M (or not) I am a better person because of plan A (really a psuedo plan b at the same time cuz WH not at home much)<p>I have consulted with Steve Harley & he says that the progress we have made is really good considering the small amount of contact.<p>Amother thing that I did was to take a personality (sort of) test & do one like my WH would anwser. This gave me excellent input on how to talk to my WH so he would listen, it gave me insight on how to deal with my WH. There is a counselor that helped me apply what I learned from the tests. I was amazed at how it got WH attention. OW(1 &2) sure had his number - why couldn't I? <p>Here is the link (hopefully) lifecoaching The counselor is Bill Curnow> The rates are very reasonalbe.<p>I've got to get up early so I'm saying Good night.
Last but not least - if you are a praying person (even if your not) pray it changes everything.<p>God Bless [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

wrungout,<p>My WH also had affair(s) in the past-
86-87 and 90-91<p>You might also try posting in GQ section, as it gets more traffic.<p>This time I really am going to bed!