I recently stumbled onto this site, after visiting another one. <p>I have a question that some may deem a strange sitatuation....but I am learning that most situations are not as strange as we think. <p>I don't have all of the acronyms down yet....so please bear with me. <p>I am the WS - having had an affair with my high school sweetheart. My H and I had been married for 12 years when I began seeing him. Of course part of me was completely caught up in all of the emotion and having my emotional needs met that hadn't been during my marriage. Another part of me felt immense guilt about what I had done that I rather quickly divorced my H, b/c I did not feel worthy to be his W. I am still in shock that I did what I did. <p>I ended up moving away from my now ex-H with the OM, taking our three children with me (I thought running away was the answer). We are a 4 hour car ride away from him now. I knew this was wrong and that I was making a monumental mistake and I did it anyway. We have been divorced now for just over a year. A couple of months ago, my ex gave me a box of pictures (we had agreed to divide them up). I sat down one night looking at them and could not stop crying. I had vascilated between ex-H and OM several times during this first year of our divorce (mentally - w/o verbally indicating to either ex-H or OM). I think at this point, the fog completely lifted. I missed my family. I missed him. I missed what I had thrown away. <p>It took me almost three months after this to have the brains to leave the OM (who, gee, big surprise, was not all I thought he was). So, the children and I have moved out and are in this new city by ourselves, he moved back to his home state and I told my ex how I was feeling, that I wanted to reconcile if possible, etc. I have completely cut off all contact with OM - he does not know where I live nor does he know my phone #.<p>About a month before I moved out and talked to my ex about this, he began dating someone (the first since we divorced). He is considering us reconciling, but is torn now between restoring our family and this new woman in his life (whom he has been dating for about two months now). <p>I am not angry that he is dating her. I know that he has every right - we are no longer married and there is nothing wrong with what he is doing. I know that reconciliation is not something I can demand or expect. I made the decision to have an A and to divorce him. <p>I feel as though the dynamics have completely reversed. I have been reading "Surviving An Affair" and recently read about Plan A/Plan B. I feel, even though I was the WS, that I now should implement Plan A/Plan B as I wait for him to make his decision. (please do not misunderstand...I do realize he is not having an A - that is not what I am implying by suggesting I implement Plan A/B).<p>So....after all of that explanation....is my conclusion correct? Should I patiently wait and be very careful not be angry (or make him angry), have outbursts, make no demands, etc. and have a time frame in mind? and then move on to plan B?<p>Or am I completely mistaken???? I do hope that you do not misread my tone in this post. I am very sincere. I want reconcilitation and am willing to wait and do whatever it takes. I recognize what I have done and the amount of pain I have caused in my family by my selfishness and am truly sorry.<p>Any help is greatly appreciated. Thank you.<p>[ April 18, 2002: Message edited by: NC20505 ]</p>
