maybe i'm not reading it right or maybe her non-willingness to do anything are preventing me from correctly starting a plan A. more of my story in divorcing/divorced under wife wants divorce after 7 years/4 kids. anyhow iv'e tried to share with her some of the basic concepts that i have found here by printing as much of it as i could, i'll be planting a few new trees this year to make up for it! she did read some of it and said that some of it made sense to her but when i let her read plan A/plan B and tried to discuss applying it with her she merely said "i'm not willing to do that." how can i possibly start plan A when she will see the OM she is having an EA with (and maybe a PA if she isn't being honest with me), at work every night while i'm at home with the kids and she isn't willing to break contact with or even minize contact with OM? where do i start then? i don't think i'm very good at avoiding LBs due to the fact that even just trying to discuss our situatution with her frustrates her and she tells me i'm annoying her and i should just accept the end and let her go. she tells me that i just don't get it. although i think i fully understand her. she has no feelings for me and she wants to find out if what she feels for OM is true love. she also wants to divorce and have me move out, pay support, and still be the full time dad that i am now. after reading what's in this site and postings i feel i not only "get it" but i understand what she is doing and why she is doing it more than she does. i try not to come off like a jerk when encouraging her to read stuff i have printed from here but i think she may see me as being pushy or acting like i'm superior in some way and telling her what to do 'cuz i know best. i'm really lost here on what to do and i don't want to lose her. besides i think my kids deserve a better chance to grow up stable than the chance i got. my Ps split when i was 6 and i don't think it helped me much. i'm pretty long winded so i'll shut up now but please someone show me the way and GOD's will be done.(hopefully what i want is included in there GOD).

Have you read the General Welcome? It's a link on my signature line.<p>A super-duper quick lesson and then I want you to go read it, and really pour over Plan A.<p>Do NOT expect ANYTHING from your W.
Do NOT print out stuff for her to read unless she asks.
Do NOT move out unless you want a divorce.
Do NOT expect her to break contact yet. She's still in the fog.<p>Plan A is for YOU to make YOURSELF a better H and to make your MARRIAGE a safe place for her to return.<p>Now go read!! That's an order!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I know the pain, as many of us do... you can DO THIS...<p>Best wishes...

faust2112 update:<p>K's info thread may have shed some light. I read the general welcome, basic concepts, infidelity, and other articles as i cruised thru the sit over the last week. the only solid thing i got from plan A was thru the policy of joint agreement WW should break off all contact with OM. or am i supposed to break off contact with WW? i'd really like to break off OM's legs but jail isn't too cool. is plan A something like backing off, letting her know i'm still committed and letting her make her mistakes until she's ready to commit to a program for recovery? i'm still not sure what to do but iv'e learned i get the best response from her if i don't discuss our situation with her and keep the conversation limited to daily stuff concerning the kids, house, finances, etc...<p>this being the only thing iv'e seen work i will stick to it until i have completely read all the material here and maybe then i'll have a better understanding of MB and how to apply it in my life. thanks again for helping!<p>and yes i know i can do this. once a friend of mine went through the same thing (D) and he taught me many things in this world. most of all he taught me when all seems lost do not take your own life as he did. i miss him alot yet thank him for being so wrong in the end that i may learn from him more.

"to thine own self be true" [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

disregard above. moving directly to plan C and filing for divorce.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by faust2112:
<strong>disregard above. moving directly to plan C and filing for divorce.</strong><hr></blockquote>
I sure hope all goes well and you find someone to whom fills your heart with joy,dont worry you will i have seen it all to much in my life,it sucks bad now,but eventually you will tell yourself..damn i should of done this years ago...peace and strength to ya bro!!

thanks for your support. currently i'm still at home with kids in the eves while she works. i work days so we don't have much time to talk anyway. wev'e agreed on a few things regarding the divorce and if it happens i expect it will go smoothly. she agreed to continue to try to find a reason to work on marriage- that's all i can get out of her for weeks anyway- and i'm making arrangements for a place to stay before i can get my own apartment. i have an appointment with a lawyer monday morning and even tho' i told her yesterday that i couldn't handle it anymore and was leaving, i'm still here.<p>she tells me not to get my hopes up but i can still make her smile and that means alot to me. if she can see her way to try anything other than divorce then maybe MB will help us to rediscover what has been lost through the years.<p>i'm pretty sure we'll be divorced before xmas tho' all things considered. she came home with a hickie from OM this sunday on her neck right out front like a billboard. i think now she is basking in the attention and affection of two men. its tearing me up but i can't keep LBing her about breaking contact with OM. she hasn't done anything with OM since tuesday and says she can wait if it's meant to be. other than the fact that she was taking my kids and OM to visit her friends(and being friendly with OM in front of children), i don't think i'm bothered too much if she feels the need to spend time with him. maybe i'm just kidding myself tho' but what really hurt was knowing that she was freely involving the children. they're confused enough with what's going on between us but then to flaunt it...<p>no matter, i am the dad and they will always know that. i can only forgive her so much and i am running out of forgiveness. praying for an end either way.<p>"to thine own self be true" [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]