For those of you that read my other post "Please Help" I need help again.As I said before I had a suspicion that the OW called my house and H denied it.So I got on the phone and dialed *69 to get the last number that dialed my number and later called it.The OW answered the phone.Supposedly this was a friend of my H's number.Ok then why is the OW answering the phone.Here's the story.H's friend knows the trouble we are having and that I have a suspicion that something is still going on with the OW.Apparently he had talked to his girlfriend who lives with him about this and that I had gotten their number from dialing *69 on the phone.I warned my H that I would call and find out if this number belonged to OW or if in fact it was actually his friends like he said.So my H told his friend to be prepared to get a call from me or one of my friends because I was wanting to find out who this number belonged to.Well I did call and if you recall from my other post the OW answered the phone.Apparently my H went to work and talked to his friend about this.He says it was his girlfriend that answered the phone and she said it was Rena(the ow's name)because she was angry that I was calling their house for that reason.Sounds a little far fetched to me.Then H says the same thing.The OW harassing us goes way back.Now he says that his friend from work must be involved in it being they all work at the same place(including OW).To me the whole story sounds a bit far fetched.Why would H's friend's girlfriend answer the phone as the OW.Pissed off or not that I was calling their house this sounds ridiculous.<P>Ok,here goes the next part I need help with.I thought a while back that I had found out where the OW lived.I had wanted to do this since she was telling me her and H were still seeing each other.I had seen the company vehicle that I had seen the OW driving before(by my house to boot)parked in front of the house.So,I started making it a point that when I was out and about to drive by.Saw my H there one time.He kept saying this was his friend from works house.Same friend as above.Ok,that was believable.Here's the clincher.The other night I was sitting at a stoplight minding my own business and who should pull up beside me but the OW.I looked over and when I did she flipped me off.She was in a right turn lane and quickly turned and I was stuck in a left turn lane.When I was able to turn I hung a U turn and followed her.I was so infuriated at her flipping me off for no reason that I was shaking.I was following her to beat the sense out of her.This woman has done so much to me it's unbelievable.This was the straw that broke the camel's back.Well guess where I followed her to?The house that I orginally thought was hers that H kept telling me was his friend's.She pulled up and walked right in.She did not knock on the door or anything....she just walked right on in like SHE LIVED THERE!!I came home and told H what had happend.Now he thinks OW and his coworker are in cahoots or something to come between us.Personally I think this was her house all along and the only reason he is saying it is his friend's is so he will have a coverup if his truck is ever seen there.So I asked.....ok"does OW live with friend and his girlfriend?"H says not that he knows of.But yet he has been over there several times.At one point he was picking him up for work everyday.This struck me funny as the OW told me once that H came over every morning before they went to work.I would love to talk to H's friend from work and see if I can't straighten all of this out.I really don't know him.Met him once very briefly.If I am wrong then I have made H look stupid to one of his buddies from work.Then I just cause more problems for me and H.<P>HELP!!!I don't know what to do.I want to believe my H that this phone number I *69'd is not the OW;s.I want to believe that this house that he tells me is his friends is not the OW's.But the stories I have heard sound pretty lame to me.I just feel in my gut something is going on here.So where do I go from here?Keep my mouth shut as always?Or dig deeper and risk being wrong and cause even more problems for us?<P>I do know that I have to have this all staightened out before I can go on with any piece of mind.I would love to start the New Year with no secrets and knowing I have been told the truth.<P>If any of you can give me any insight I would appreciate it.Am I just getting the wool pulled over my eyes?Is the writing on the wall right in front of me and I just refuse to see it?I am afraid and don't want what I am thinking to turn out true.But I do not want to turn out being made a fool of yet again.Sorry so long.I just really needed to get all of this out.<P>Hope you all have a Happy New Year!!<P>------------------<BR>~~~~~Tammy~~~~~<P>If you love something set it free.If it comes back it is yours.If it doesn't it was never meant to be.<BR>

Tammy, <P>I don't know what size town you live in but I was wondering if you could get the address of the ow and look through a phone book and see if it is her house. I believe that you could also do a search on the internet by entering in the address and the city, state and zip code and it will tell you who lives there. I am not sure about that though. Ok, I went and found a link where you can do a reverse address look up. Here it is...<BR> <A HREF="http://pic2.infospace.com/_1_88548828__info/reverse.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://pic2.infospace.com/_1_88548828__info/reverse.htm</A> <P>I think that he is probably lying to you. That is an elaborate scheme they would have to work at. I think your husband is crazy for thinking you would actually fall for a story like that. Please check into the reverse address look up at that sight. It is down lower on the page. That may give you the answers you are looking for.<P>I wish that you didn't have to be going through this. I wish I wasn't either. It just sucks!<P>~Woozy<BR>

Tammy,<BR>First of all it is very hard for me to post to someone with your name. You see this is the OW name....YUK....sorry had to get that out. You can also try in a book called a criss-cross. You can look at one in the library. (free) If you still have the phone # from *69. Also you can look it up from the address. I have used one before, for this very thing. Unless the phone number is unlisted. It sounds pretty fishy to me though. And if it is all a big scheme, gosh he sure can come up with them. Good Luck.....keep us posted<BR>Nancy

Woozy,<P>I have already tried the reverse lookup both for the phone number and for the address.Apparently this OW has everything unlisted.I was able to find a po box of hers through a friend who has access to this type of info.She must use a po box for her address for everything and not an actual physical address.But a po box doesn't do me much good.<P>Thanks for letting me know I am not crazy.This whole thing sounds like an elaborate scheme to me.There have many times I have just wanted to give up in the past few weeks.But there is that small part of me that says.....what if he is being honest and he has nothing to do with her?I don't want to make a mistake that I will regret later.I have to be ABSOLUTELY sure about this.<P>For the record though.....I think he is probably up to his old tricks even thought he is vehemently denying it.<P>------------------<BR>~~~~~Tammy~~~~~<P>If you love something set it free.If it comes back it is yours.If it doesn't it was never meant to be.<BR>

Nancy,<BR>I know EXACTLY how you feel about the name thing.But thanks for giving me your thoughts!!My best friend's name is the same as the OW!!Funny how something like that can bother us so much.And only the betrayed really knows how that feels.<P>I am with you.If this is a scheme it sure is a well thought out one.<P>------------------<BR>~~~~~Tammy~~~~~<P>If you love something set it free.If it comes back it is yours.If it doesn't it was never meant to be.<BR>

Well, I was going to buy a book on male depression as I think my husband is suffering from it. Well, I had to use his credit card. I went to get it out of his billfold and guess what? He has almost $40.00 in his billfold! Well, that ticks me off! We are so broke but he somehow keeps coming up with money! I don't get this at all! So, I decided to go out to his car and do some searching. Well, he had cleaned it out. BUT, not good enough! There was a phone number in the glove compartment. The OW has gone to live with her sister. Well, I brought the number in and did the reverse look up and it is the phone number for her sister. So, I swiped it. My husband will just think he misplaced it. He also had a clean pair of underwear, jeans, socks and a t-shirt back there. There was also a toothbrush in the glove compartment. I am feeling rather sick to my stomach right now! I then went into the garage and did some snooping. The only thing I found in there was his damned chewing gum. He has it hiding out there now. What a jerk! I don't know why I am even bothering with him. I think the next thing I need to do is go have a look in the trunk of his car. I think I will do that. I am getting so PI$$ED off right now!<P>~Woozy

Woozy,<BR>It is really sad when we feel like we need to keep our eyes and ears open like this to avoid being hurt again.But ya know,it is them who put us in this place.Everyone says the H's don't like being snooped on but they should have thought of that before they betrayed our trust.<P>I hope everything works out ok for you.I will keep you in my thoughts.<P>------------------<BR>~~~~~Tammy~~~~~<P>If you love something set it free.If it comes back it is yours.If it doesn't it was never meant to be.<BR>

Thank you so much Tammy! When I went to bed last night my husband told me he took out some money from the ATM. I didn't even ask. I did sort of hint around. So, that is where the cash is from. He said it is Y2K money. You know, for just in case. I don't know what to think about that. Then, this morning he called me from work. It totally threw me off. I asked him why he called and he said he just called to say hi. Then he told me that he knows we need to move in order to get on with our lives. He read more of the "Surviving an Affair" book last night. He told me he had a dream about the ow last night. He said he dreamt he brought her home and that I came home and that it was not a good thing. I think it got him to thinking. I just hope he starts making the right decisions. I hope things work out for you too. This is such a scary time for all of us! No one should have to go through such misery!<P>~Woozy

Woozy,<P>You hit the nail on the head.MISERY!!It really sucks and I can only think of one person right now that I would wish it on.<P>Feel free to email me sometime if you ever need a friend.Swttmy@aol.com.<P>------------------<BR>~~~~~Tammy~~~~~<P>If you love something set it free.If it comes back it is yours.If it doesn't it was never meant to be.<BR>

Thanks Tammy! I will! I am happy as my husband did not go in for overtime today as he had planned to. He would have been working with the ow. So, I get him all to myself for New Year's Eve and New Year's Day! I look at it as a small victory. I know what you mean about wanting the ow to be the one in misery. I have a feeling she will be tonight. BUT she made her own bed and now she must lie in it alone! She was the one who chose to divorce her husband so that she could chase mine. I have a feeling she will go to be with her soon to be ex again tonight like she did at Christmas. I hate this whole mess and hate having it hang over our heads! I want it to be over!<P>I will e-mail maybe on Sunday to let you know how things went. Have a HAPPY NEW YEAR in spite of everything!<P>Take Care,<P>Woozy

Dear Tammy,<P>The uncertainty doesn't have to drive you nuts, and you don't have to ask 1000 questions to decide what to do.<P>I think you need to decide if your husband had/is having an affair, and then decide what you want. <P>Do you want your marriage to work? then start moving towards that direction in a plan A. Do not obsess with the truth at this point, you probably aren't going to get it. Demands are lovebusters. But you can move on to the next part without all the truth, it is hard and frustrating, but it seems you are losing ground and wasting precious time in trying to repair your marriage by trying to decide if these schemes are possible or not.<P>My opinion, is #1 - decide he is having an affair, and lying and having other people lie also. #2, implement a plan A, and do not demand anything. See what works in changing your husband's behavior and what doesn't. Don't do any lovebusting or annoying.<P>#3, pray. <P>I hope you start seeing positive results soon.<BR>tnt

TrustnTruth,<BR>Well,fact is he DID have an affair and I know this to be the truth.This will be the second one as a matter of fact.The first one was 5 years before this last one.<P>I know what your saying is probably true.But I am having a very hard time just sitting back and treating him like a king if he is screwing this B**** behind my back.It just kills me not knowing what is going on.But after all that has happened I feel for sure something is not right.<P>I want this woman,the thought of her,and the memory of her out of my life.I am trying so hard to put my marriage back on track.But the fact that it may still be going on makes this very difficult.<P>You see,I don't want my marrige to work because I was so nice to him that I wooed him away from the OW.I want it to work because he wants to be with me and only me.I should not have to fight some ohter woman for something that was mine to begin with.Something that she should never crossed the line to try and get to.I have sacrificed and given so much to this man that if he is messing with her again I just don't know if I could go on.<P>I hope you all have a Happy new Year!!<P>------------------<BR>~~~~~Tammy~~~~~<P>If you love something set it free.If it comes back it is yours.If it doesn't it was never meant to be.<BR>

Dear Tammy,<P>I know the perspective you are seeing out of really well. It is icky.<P>I know you need to feel wanted and loved and chosen. <P>But right now your husband's affair is from an addiction. K asks the question sometimes, If your husband had cancer, would you be willing to help him through it? I would guess the answer is yes. Because love endures all things.<P>Well, your husband's affair is an addiction, and that is a form of an illness. If you change your perspective from feeling like an "old hat" to a wife that needs to help her husband back into reality - that might help.<P>I am glad you have decided, and I know you DO want your marriage to work, at all costs, or you wouldn't be here joining all of us who are also desperate, frustrated and out of energy.<P>But use your wisdom and your love to give you the strength to go on. <P>Please help your husband see the error of his ways through your love and care. No one can help him like you can, and your prayers count for more than his mother's - something I learned while reading the Power of a Praying Wife.<P>It is really hard, and you are not dumb. You are capable of loving and trusting. Your husband is really messed up right now.<P>God Bless You.<BR>tnt

I am someone who knows it from both sides, and I would bet money and alot of it that your H is lying. Now you have to decide what to do about it. You know very well that the OW lives in that house. Quit hiding from the truth. Face it and do something about it. Hiding from it may feel better short term but it will hurt like h*ll longterm. Face it now and do something about it, either by not lovebusting and fighting or giving up or someplace in the middle but do something. Don't hide from the truth.<P>Del

Delphi,<BR>I know in my heart this house is where OW lives.I also know in my heart that this phone number is hers that is in question.No matter what I say or what I do he still emphatically denies it.I went so far as to call the number again and there was her voice on the answering machine.If it was his friend's phone number then why is it her voice on the machine?We talked about it and he still says nothing is going on,he isn't doing anything wrong and he doesn't have an answe for this.I am hurt confused and don't know what to think.I am not the one hiding from the truth,he is.But damn,I cant beat the truth out of him.But I will not sit back until he decides he is over her either.<P>------------------<BR>~~~~~Tammy~~~~~<P>If you love something set it free.If it comes back it is yours.If it doesn't it was never meant to be.<BR>