I am usually over at pregnancy/child forum. I am a BS whose H had a several year affair which produced a child.After a year of trying to muddle through, I now want a separation, mainly due to H not doing anything to rebuild my love, trust, and many issues around contact with OC. He has continued to have minimal contact with OW and OC, despite my requests not to do so, and yet claims he wants to stay married.Says he never contemplated a divorce.<p>I have asked him to leave repeatedly but he refuses. I now am at my ropes end and wish to try a separation to see if this wakes H up.
But he refuses to leave our home.We have kids and they will be impacted greatly if I leave with my kids, but am preparing to do so.<p>
Any thoughts as to how I can get H out of home if he won't leave? Otherwise I have to find place to rent with kids, and they will leave the only house they will ever know.<p>
Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks.

((HUGS))<p>Dear UW,<p>I've been reading your story on the P/C forum. Are your parents able to assist you in any way? If I were your mother, I would *be there* for you. Any way you can ask them to help you with living arrangements?<p>Take care. You will make it through all of this.<p>You are stronger than you realize.<p>Pepper [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Unhappy, I've seen you over on the Preg site. Thats where I usually am. Im here cause, to a degree, Im in the same boat as you. I just went into Plan B for the 2nd time. And for the same reasons you listed. Exactly the same.<p> My situation has just componded itself because Ow lived 1200 miles away, and has decided to move back to our town. I found out H has been in phone contact w/ her for three months. (He changed his cell # in Oct so she couldnt,) He lied that he'd been talking, although I had proof, and finally admitted he gave it to her in Jan. The month I came back home. Before I knew OW was here he had already met her and saw OC. I was left out of it all. He claims because it "menat nothing to him, and he didnt want to hurt me." Iv heard that 100 times in the 14 months Ive been trying to repair marriage wi/ no real effort from H. <p>Our first Plan B was OCt-Jan. I left home. Left him w/ the kid, house, bills, laundry, groceries everything. A girlfriend let me move in with her. Could you do something like that if you must get away? At least for a while.<p>When he asked me to come back, we agreed to start fresh, "and he promised he would never hurt me this way again." As I well know, by the end of that month, they were talking again.<p>I asked him to leave this time. He did & has been staying in a hotel. He thinks he gonna take about a month to "clear his head" and then he'll be back home. I have a question out on Preg site, asking advice @ when & if he should.<p>Did your H read Dr. Harley or anthing that would help him know how to make you feel loved and wanted? Mine wouldnt. Im always telling him what I want but he thinks Im being ridiculous. He thinks I should just go back to what I got from him before and be satisfied with it.<p>I told him I wont settle for less than he gave her.<p>I know I didnt help you much only to let you know that I understand where you are, and I feel for you cause I know how much it hurts and what you must have endured to get to this point.<p>Keep some hope in your heart.

I am not near any family where I live.My family are thousands of miles away. My mother is elderly, I would not expect her to help me, although I know she would do anything. ANd, my family knows nothing of any of this.<p>Moving out is the only option.<p>H actually was trying to be pleasant to me today, asking questions of me.Where is he? In fairly land? He betrays my trust in more ways than one, and thinks I want to talk to him?<p>I don't know what to do, but know I can't stay here. H won't leave, so I must, but with my kids. He isn't going to take them away.

Im sorry for your pain, have you thought about a crisis shelter, for a few nights. It would give you alittle breathing room. Me personally, i am planning to go camping. in florida, at the beach. I am going to come back looking so damn good that he will be sorry. I teach school so i can soon run like the wind. I hope you will reply. I would like to find someone to share with. sunnyday19672002@yahoo.com

Crisis center isn't an option, I think they are only available for certain situations. I do intend to leave, though-- but it is hard to move around suddenly with kids in tow with you.
Wish H would leave. I hate his stubborness-- he has affair and OC, and I have to leave.Doesn't seem fair, but then nothing in this situation has ever been fair to me.